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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband wants ME to apologise after destroying our house!

253 replies

MonaRoza · 03/01/2021 22:30

My husband and I got into an argument on NYE. I won’t divulge on the details too much but in my view it was over something which shouldn’t have become such a big deal. The key is that he ended up breaking the glass on our windows and doors, causing massive damage. I feel that what I told him was such a small thing that it shouldn’t have caused such a reaction. Actually, nothing really should cause such a reaction. Now he is upset because I won’t apologise and he thinks I am being stubborn. For background, my husband has an alcohol problem and long history of damaging stuff in our house. I just feel I won’t apologise for something I have not done and am fed up with him always justifying his aggressive actions by blaming someone else for “pushing him” to do it. Have you had to deal with a situation like this? What would you do?

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 05/01/2021 18:19

@Zakana

Put simply, if you don’t get shot of the dickhead now, your kids will think that the way he treats you is “normal life” and will probably end up in similar relationships when they are older, putting up with the kind of shit you are currently experiencing, and the cycle perpetuates on and on. Get your ducks in a row and get the fuck out. Good luck.
Please pay heed to Zakana. Would you encourage your children to stay with an abusive partner?
BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 05/01/2021 18:27

You’re that far into this you can’t even tell how bad what you posted is to us looking from the outside in! Seriously leave, now. He needs some serious help and he’ll never get it whilst you prop him up. You and your kids should not be having to deal with that. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

ChocAuVin · 05/01/2021 18:35

OP I’ve been there — almost identically.

He’s socialised this gradually; normalised the behaviour until you are left thinking that he has ‘as much say as you do’ in the argument.

His behaviour negates all of that. Please leave. I know from your post that your mindset isn’t quite ‘there’ yet and that this likely will not be the thing that pushes you over the edge to actually leave him. But it was the countless words of encouragement from Mumsnetters that finally trickled into my headspace and who knows, maybe that’s what gave me the final push to leave and stop modelling this to my children.

I’m so so so happy to be free and to live a sane, calm and peaceful example for my kids. Good luck x

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