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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling guilty over support bubble

207 replies

dirtybubble · 03/01/2021 22:21

Elderly aunt requested we form a support bubble today. We have been taking her shopping twice a week dropping prescription etc but only at the door no real
Contact.
No other family nearby she is cv and has a lot of hospital appt as previously had cancer
I feel awful as she asked to form a bubble and I had to say no 😞 she said she can’t get public transport as too worried now but needs to go to appts but I don’t want to drive as i have a baby who would need to be in the car too.
I feel guilty but I have to put my child first bit I felt mean saying no

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 03/01/2021 22:25

Why did you have to say no?

Edgeoftheledge · 03/01/2021 22:26

Why say no?

ButterMeUpScotty · 03/01/2021 22:26

You didn’t have to say no. Assuming you have no risk factors you are being unreasonable saying no. Babies are not at risk.

Original poster
dirtybubble · 03/01/2021 22:26

Because I don’t want to be driving someone around who has been in a hospital or drs surgery with my baby in the car plus it’s a lot of appts and the baby cries In the car seat and it’s too much for me

OP posts:
ButterMeUpScotty · 03/01/2021 22:27

Why is it too much for you? I really don’t understand not helping someone who genuinely needs it.

LouiseTrees · 03/01/2021 22:28

Sounds like you are exponentially more of a risk to her than she is to you, especially as it’s only you that she is in contact with. I get it, she’s going to a hospital for appointments but she’s a cancer patient and they will be being so so super careful with precautions there.

1Morewineplease · 03/01/2021 22:29

I'd take her. Masks on and windows open.

Womencanlift · 03/01/2021 22:29

Not sure what you are asking in regards to AIBU but if you did ask I would say YABU. I couldn’t have said no to a relative in that situation

lljkk · 03/01/2021 22:30

I understand OP to be saying the baby would be stressed & OP is at her limits with baby care. Don't feel bad. No one gets to be super human.
Can your aunt do video cons?

LouiseTrees · 03/01/2021 22:30

I get not wanting to drive round with a baby though. Cut the OP some slack on that part. Also the relative could get taxis. Some firms are being very vigilant with their Covid procedures and many have the divider between the driver and the passenger, wipe down between fares etc.

SandlakeRd · 03/01/2021 22:30

I have hospital appointments for cancer and they really are super careful. I think the risk would be minimal.

You can wear masks in the car and have the windows open a little if possible.

Original poster
dirtybubble · 03/01/2021 22:31

It’s 1-2 appts a week and not nearby and my baby hates her car seat and screams which is stressful for me driving
Also the worry of being in the car with someone who could pick up covid from appts I just want to stay in with the baby she’s only 3 months and needs feeding a lot.
I feel bad enough about this and I’ve been doing my best dropping food off twice a week plus prescriptions as and when needed and calling each day just for a chat as she’s lonely but this would be too much for me but it does make me feel bad

OP posts:
Prisonbreak · 03/01/2021 22:31

Your poor aunt! I couldn’t do that to my family

Mrgrinch · 03/01/2021 22:32

I'm sorry but that was incredibly mean of you. I could be wrong, but I haven't seen any cases of babies with covid?

waterlane · 03/01/2021 22:32

Are there any services available where volunteers would be able to take her to her appointments? I know this happens during normal times, maybe someone here might know about this and be able to advise

ShinyGreenElephant · 03/01/2021 22:32

Could you not agree to the bubble but let her know you can't take her to every single appt? I can see how driving her several times a week there and back with lots of waiting around with a young baby would be a lot of hard work - not especially risky, but really hard with a baby. But it doesn't have to be all or nothing surely?

MacTheFork · 03/01/2021 22:33

Is there a neighbourhood COVID support group in your aunt’s area who can give her lifts to her appts? Or a volunteer driver scheme? Could you find out and help her get in touch with them?

Original poster
dirtybubble · 03/01/2021 22:33

She’s doesn’t have active cancer just has a lot of appts. Check ups, scans and physio I think. I do feel bad

OP posts:
Weallliveinamonkeysubmarine · 03/01/2021 22:33

Wow.
Yabvu.

She is of virtually no risk to you or your baby. Saying no means she is likely to have to go shopping herself and use public transport, putting her at huge amounts of risk.

You are presumably on maternity leave so have more flexibility to take her to appointments than if you were working. Whilst that doesn't normally mean you should true on the role of chauffeur to relatives, we live in unusual times and you are being really mean IMO.
Poor aunt.

Branleuse · 03/01/2021 22:34

Is there anyone else who could do it

SandlakeRd · 03/01/2021 22:34

It sounds more like it’s an issue with the baby and the travelling than Covid? You will have to wait outside so could take the baby for a walk whilst she is in the hospital. Is there a possibility you arrange any childcare whilst you take her? Appointments are running much more to time at the moment and parking is easier.

It can’t be easy for her but I guess a taxi would be the alternative

SophieGiroux · 03/01/2021 22:35

I get how you feel with regards to the baby in the car, it's so stressful when they are screaming and you can't do anything about it. I'd be tempted to say you'd be in the support bubble but can't do the lifts to the hospital.

Brieminewine · 03/01/2021 22:35

Wow you should feel mean, I feel so sorry for your aunt, I hope she can find someone who is willing to help her.

Original poster
dirtybubble · 03/01/2021 22:35

The gp surgery possibly may have a service for hep with transport although I will have to ask if still running due to covid as it was volunteers and it’s not my surgery so ill need to enquire on her behalf

OP posts:
Original poster
dirtybubble · 03/01/2021 22:36

@Weallliveinamonkeysubmarine

Wow. Yabvu.

She is of virtually no risk to you or your baby. Saying no means she is likely to have to go shopping herself and use public transport, putting her at huge amounts of risk.

You are presumably on maternity leave so have more flexibility to take her to appointments than if you were working. Whilst that doesn't normally mean you should true on the role of chauffeur to relatives, we live in unusual times and you are being really mean IMO.
Poor aunt.

No she won’t have to go shopping we have been doing that and I would of course continue to I drop shopping twice a week and then her prescriptions
OP posts:
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