Feeling guilty over support bubble

[dirtybubble]

Elderly aunt requested we form a support bubble today. We have been taking her shopping twice a week dropping prescription etc but only at the door no real
Contact.
No other family nearby she is cv and has a lot of hospital appt as previously had cancer
I feel awful as she asked to form a bubble and I had to say no 😞 she said she can’t get public transport as too worried now but needs to go to appts but I don’t want to drive as i have a baby who would need to be in the car too.
I feel guilty but I have to put my child first bit I felt mean saying no

Another reason was I’m just not good enough yet at breastfeeding out and about sounds silly but at home I sit on the bed or a particular chair and have a support cushion and time and I’m not sure I could do it comfortably out and about or in the car

OP - it's ok - you can say, No.
Nobody's business but yours. We all react differently and your feelings about this are no less valid than anyone else's.
I'd ask for this thread to be deleted as there are loads on MN who do not take Covid seriously and will encourage you to do something outside your comfort zone as they sit anonymously at their keyboards.

I think people are being massively harsh!!

You sound like you are doing a lot already, multiple days a week with a 3 month old baby, shopping, dropping prescriptions, calling every day to chat so she doesn't get lonely, adding 2 appointments per week where you'll have to drive there and back, with your baby and do something whilst she's in the appointment is a lot to ask of someone in your position.

She is helping her @Peppafrig but she can't do everything.

I have to say remembering back when DS was 3 months old there would have been times when I would have really struggled to ensure I was there in time for her appointments, I found being a FTM very stressful and that was without the risk of COVID added in.

If OP can find a suitable community transport scheme for her aunt then that is helping her too. DM used to use her local one (pre COVID) instead of asking me as she didn't want to always have to rely on me and so keep her independence.

Please don't feel bad at all. You are already helping out and have a baby, you are doing quite enough.

In the current circumstances no, I wouldn't be taking someone in the car to appointments backwards and forwards, I would not feel comfortable at all. There's too much chance of them picking something up or else my transmitting something...and that's without a baby. Even if babies are less at risk (which I actually don't believe) it's stressful for the baby and an added stress to you.
At the end of the day your first responsibility is to your baby before any relative.

I really cannot understand the negative answers on here about this, no wonder the virus is spreading....

Ignore the COVID martyrs, YANBU. Congratulations on your baby.

Providing transportation to and from hospital appointments once or twice a week is a major inconvenience. It takes a lot of time, because you have to hang around waiting for the appointment to end. And that's not even considering the worry of someone picking up "hospital germs". I wouldn't take on that responsibility lightly.

Also can't imagine the elderly aunt enjoying the experience being cooped up in a car with a screaming baby.

And @dirtybubble I remember well much preferring feeding DS at home rather than out and about in the early months.

@dirtybubble you really don't have to explain yourself or justify your decision x

You have a 3 month old baby, are shopping for her twice a week and getting her prescriptions. That's enough for any one with a baby.

YABU. Your poor aunt. She’s hardly likely to catch Covid at her appointments, they are so careful in hospital, and your baby would soon get used to being in the car seat. Have a heart OP.

Yanbu at all.
You have a 12 week old baby and you are already doing enough, You don’t have to do it to anything you are not comfortable Or able to cope with. It’s quite a big commitment so I commend you for saying no.

Thought this place was meant to be supportive for mums. OP has a young baby, which can be hard enough to adjust to without adding COVID into the mix. She is helping her aunt, but her aunt's requirements are too much for her. She is not abandoning her, she is going to try and a solution that is suitable for both of them.

@Lalliella don't about 20% of people getting COVID get it in hospital?

YANBU. I can see why you feel mean, and if possible I’d say you would bubble for company, but to agree to doing multiple hospital runs on top of shopping, prescriptions etc with a 3 month old bf baby is a huge amount of pressure to put yourself under.

I can't say this loudly enough: YANBU

If anyone needs a support bubble here, it's you OP, as a new mum. It's bloody stressful enough looking after one dependant's 24 hour needs. You're already doing so much for your aunt and I think it's great that you know your limits enough to know not to pile more on to your busy schedule.

Perhaps one of the Hashtag Be Kind Brigade on this thread could step up and help ?

I'm sorry but the people on this thread are unbelievable.

There's a whole of difference between being kind and helping a family member by dropping shopping and prescriptions on the doorstep to taking a couple of hours twice a week to play taxi driver and have to loiter about waiting for someone to finish their appointment with a baby who screams in their car seat.The OP is allowed to put herself and her baby first.

Their are voluntary services out there for these situations and what are other family members doing to help?,does she have children?

Holy crap, some of you need to wind your neck in!

Op has a new baby, she's doing what she can in the way of help for her family member but it's getting too much. Do you really think a stressed out tired mother with a screaming infant in the back should be a taxi? And then make herself and infant happy about the hospital while they wait for appointments to finish.

You saints carry on, coz fuck that.

Op, just say it's too much. Your aunt has found a way to manage these appointments previously, she can again. There are many options out there, whether it's hospital transport, taxi, charity or local volunteers.

The hospital transport is still running in my area and should be in all other areas. She should have claimed attendance allowance when she got her diagnosis. This is to be used towards travel costs. That isn't being harsh. I attended my Mum's hospital appointments with her. There's still a fair bit of waiting. It isn't the weather to be waiting about with a three month old and especially if you are struggling with bf.

You're doing enough. Your Aunt has alternatives, your baby doesn't.

Next time she does go to the hospital she needs to ask were she is on the vaccine list and say that she has to rely on public transport. She should be getting close to the top of the list soon.

Actually... I forgot, but NHS royal volunteers -- they explicitly wanted people who would drive isolated seniors to hospital appointments. The only ones allowed to do this would be DBS'd. DH only ever has had one alert on his in last 9 months & friend only started getting alerts after her DBS came thru. So I never turned mine on since i had no DBS (seemed like no point to turn it on, but I was willing to drive people to hospital; must be others).

www.royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk/

Wow YABVU. Plain cruel. Poor lady. Be honest you just cannot be bothered with her.

How has she been getting to appointments so far? Could you agree to bubble with her for company but keep whatever her existing transport arrangements are?
I feel bad for your aunt but it is a lot to ask of someone with a BF 3 month old baby, and with the best will I don’t believe the transport request is feasible.

Seriously @LoveMyKidsAndCats? If she couldn't be bothered with her she wouldn't be doing her shopping would she

OP just want to say I don't know why so many people are saying you are being unreasonable. I have a 5 month old who breastfeeds on and off there has never been a schedule, its difficult enough planning to go for a walk round the block let alone regularly driving someone to appointments sticking to strict times and waiting in the car for God knows how long. I would find it really stressful too. Its hard enough having a new baby in a pandemic without extra demands being made on you. My Dad went into hospital for cancer treatment a few months ago and caught covid so I think those saying she won't catch it are being a bit optimistic. I also think its ridiculous to imply that you are wrong for worrying about covid around your baby, its still a new virus, I don't like taking risks with my baby and I totally understand you wouldn't want to either. Its different taking a chance with your own risks of catching it than worrying about your baby getting it.