DH wanting sex at ridiculous times?!

[legalseagull]

AIBU at being really pissed off at DH. It's not even 9am and yet he's come in to the bedroom with a brew (it's my turn for a lay in whilst he's got up with the 1yo and 3yo) Coffee is appreciated but he then immediately says "have a sip and perk yourself up 'wink wink'" Apparently the toddlers are downstairs plonked in front of the tv and he wants a quickie.
He doesn't think that's inappropriate or dangerous at all. They're not 9/10, the youngest is one year old!
Obviously I said no and he went off in a huff. He'll no doubt be feeling sorry for himself that I'm boring and he doesn't get enough.

So he ruins your lie in and ditches the kids in front of the TV rather than engaging with them? Yeah I wouldn't be impressed or turned on really.

I'm more angry at the eye roll and huff, like I'm being unreasonable rather than him.

When you get up, go downsu, hand him a box of tissues and say "perk yourself up dear, you're good at being a wanker"

Why on earth would you want a quickie with him after that display?

A poster on here was berated yesterday for leaving her 18 month old while she showered. So, no. Leaving a one and three year old while he gets his nob wet is wrong. And then huffing and sulking? Grim.

Yuck. Serious yuck. No, you don't leave 2 toddlers alone downstairs so that you can have sex. That would be shit parenting. Don't let him huff, he is entirely in the wrong, call him out on this, it's not acceptable.

I'm going down now. No doubt he'll be sat with a face like thunder. He won't see it S wrong at all. It'll be "urgh I was only asking. Am I not meant to ask now"

The timing was inappropriate. The huffing is out of order.

How is your communication generally around sex? It sounds like this is a persistent problem.

'No, you're not meant to ask. That's parenting, children take priority here. Furthermore, don't you dare sulk and passively aggressively attempt to ruin the day and the mood. You've also ruined my lie in. I'm going back to bed. You owe me.'

Yet another revolting sex pest.

Men who sulk when they don't get sex on demand are deeply unattractive.

Men who continue with this behaviour are sex pests.

Men who put their dick before their kids are shit parents.

Men who want to use their partner as a wank sock are people who view women as a series of holes for their use.

He can piss off.

Hmmm. The sulking is awful, but the rest wouldn't bother me. I'm a morning person so if DH wanted me in the mood, that would be the way to approach me!

He should let you have your lie in. end of story

@Almostslimjim
With a baby and a toddler awake downstairs on their own?

arethereanyleftatall

Yes, but our house is set up so the children are safe on their own for short periods whilst we do housework, shower etc. I know that's not a popular Mumsnet view, but the reality is you cannot watch your children constantly, particularly if you have more than one so setting up the home to be safe for them is prudent. Cleaning up the eldest when he was sick all over himself took much longer than sex does.

urgh no that's icky. perk yourself up - vomit.

Sit him down and ask him to behave like an adult parent and not a randy teenager.

Ask him to look after his children all day while you enjoy peace and quiet, and then you may feel like sex at bedtime. Although I doubt he will

ok, so poor choice of words on his behalf but he was only asking.
was it the wrong time? er yep! But it sounds like he wasn't exactly thinking clearly at that exact moment. You obviously look completely ravishing in your lie in state!

seriously though, don't let it become a thing. How about a 'great idea earlier but let's rain check until XXX you know, leaving a 1 and 3yo unsupervised doesn't really get me in the mood!'

urgh I was only asking. Am I not meant to ask now

'You're meant to be able to analyse the situation yourself, and decide when is and isn't appropriate. Why aren't you doing this, and why are you punishing me when I do it?'

Cleaning up the eldest when he was sick all over himself took much longer than sex does.

Does it? Oh dear ...

And yeah, don't leave a 1 year old unattended while you have sex.

Sunday morning isn't a ridiculous time.

It's not easy with children in the house to find time for sex.

Hows the sex life otherwise? I ask because when ours were little I used to say no and he stopped asking as he didn't want to be a pest. One evening when my brother and Sil were visiting my husband mentioned that sexy films didn't bother him as he was celibate now. I had a word with him later and hadn't realised how long it had been since we had been 'intimate'. So we made time for us, even if at times it was just a quickie.

@legalseagull

I'm more angry at the eye roll and huff, like I'm being unreasonable rather than him.

This is manipulative, with the aim of you rolling over in the future to avoid the sulk.

What is your relationship like other than this issue, OP? Is he responsive to your feelings generally? Do you feel respected? Does he do his share without being asked?

@Almostslimjim
Toddler being sick example - so, you're with your eldest in that scenario, you've separated him out from a baby, baby in a safe place, no harm available. The ops example, is leaving 2 very young children completely alone together whilst the parents are completely focussed on something else. I remember when my eldest dd (3) 'looked after' my littlest (then 1 not walking) when I went to the loo. She had completely covered her in blankets. Thank goodness I was there 30 seconds later. Far, far too dangerous.

Sex pest - revolting.

Spending time with you, appreciating you, thinking of you - turn on.

Did he only bring the drink up so you would be awake enough to have sex with him?

Thinking of the poster yesterday who was lambasted for having a shower with toddler downstairs. I would never do it but based on posts here over the years, lots of women have sex upstairs leaving young children unattended downstairs. The timing is not appropriate, nor is the sulking.