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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wanting sex at ridiculous times?!

233 replies

legalseagull · 03/01/2021 09:17

AIBU at being really pissed off at DH. It's not even 9am and yet he's come in to the bedroom with a brew (it's my turn for a lay in whilst he's got up with the 1yo and 3yo) Coffee is appreciated but he then immediately says "have a sip and perk yourself up 'wink wink'" Apparently the toddlers are downstairs plonked in front of the tv and he wants a quickie.
He doesn't think that's inappropriate or dangerous at all. They're not 9/10, the youngest is one year old!
Obviously I said no and he went off in a huff. He'll no doubt be feeling sorry for himself that I'm boring and he doesn't get enough.

OP posts:
MaryLeeOnHigh · 04/01/2021 10:10

@Uhhuhoyaye, exercise your own judgment. You've got a 1 year old and 3 year old on the ground floor watching TV whilst their parents are up on the second floor engrossed in having sex and unable to hear them. Do you think that is a completely safe situation for the children? Bear in mind that at least one of the adults in the house who knows the children and knows the room they've been left in doesn't think it's safe. Can you say with confidence that that adult is wrong?

Crankley · 04/01/2021 15:32

Be gentle when you reject your partner.

WTF I've read everything now - don't forget everyone when you are telling your sex pest to fuck off, please be gentle. [shock}

bigbeautwoman · 04/01/2021 15:38

@Joiningthegossip

Grinthese comments are funny.

I personally would've laughed and said F off and we would've laughed it away.

Just because he's woken up with horn doesn't make him a revolting sex pest as many have said.

Don't want it? just say no and leave it as that, why publish it on MN for women to tear him apart...

(Yes my husband can be a sex pest but if I say no it's left there, no dramas)

I was laughing too! talk about being overdramatic lol. And then they wonder why their partners/husbands cheat
bigbeautwoman · 04/01/2021 15:39

@AntiHop

Sulking when being refused sex is borderline abusive.
FFS really!
Eckhart · 04/01/2021 15:45

@bigbeautwoman

FFS really

It is. It's manipulative. To procure sex. From somebody who has clearly stated they don't want it.

littlepattilou · 04/01/2021 15:47

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

When you get up, go downsu, hand him a box of tissues and say "perk yourself up dear, you're good at being a wanker"
😂😂😂
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/01/2021 15:51

I was laughing too! talk about being overdramatic lol. And then they wonder why their partners/husbands cheat

If the only reason OH doesn't cheat is because he gets it when he wants it and if I must reject I must do it "gently" , then he can fuck right off.

Men aren't fucking dogs you know, they won't fuck someone else unless properly tired out and satisfied/satiated. They have control and free will.

BubblyBarbara · 04/01/2021 16:09

Sex is pleasure for both of you not just him. So it's not a horrible thing to ask at all. But you have since said you don't want to have sex with him. You should be honest with him about that so he can leave if he so wishes.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/01/2021 17:26

@BubblyBarbara

Sex is pleasure for both of you not just him. So it's not a horrible thing to ask at all. But you have since said you don't want to have sex with him. You should be honest with him about that so he can leave if he so wishes.
She said she wants it less than him, not not at all. She also said she enjoys morning sex and her objection was mostly based on the safety of her kids.

Maybe if her husband stopped huffing and puffing and thinking with his dick she might enjoy sex with him even more?

bigbeautwoman · 04/01/2021 18:06

this thread is hilarious! I’m so glad I’m just as horny as my partner

JustRemembering · 04/01/2021 18:14

Rape myths are a laugh a minute, ain't they!

BilboBercow · 04/01/2021 18:26

Jesus Christ the surrendered wives on this thread.

TopBants · 04/01/2021 18:43

@BubblyBarbara

Sex is pleasure for both of you not just him. So it's not a horrible thing to ask at all. But you have since said you don't want to have sex with him. You should be honest with him about that so he can leave if he so wishes.
Context is everything.

I like mini golf. It's not a bad thing to ask if I want to go. However, if you were to ask me that at, say, a funeral, it would be poorly received because it would be wholly inappropriate to be discussing light-hearted and frivolous pursuits when one is supposed to be reflecting on the departed person's life/supporting those impacted upon by the loss.

The same principle applies here. No, asking for sex is not a bad thing. However, asking for it when one is supposed to be caring for one's children and has instead chosen to leave them alone downstairs unsupervised, is not a good thing.

Biffbaff · 04/01/2021 19:12

I can't believe there are people willing to sacrifice their precious lie-ins like this! It's really disrespectful of him to trash yours like that OP. It's downright dangerous to leave a 1 and 3 year old unattended 2 floors down. And it sounds like he feels that because he got up early, took the kids downstairs and made you a cup of tea, he's owed a nice shag for the sheer effort this must have taken. Pathetic! His sulking also changed this from spontaneous to creepy. He should have been parenting his children and letting you sleep.

Zakana · 05/01/2021 10:38

To me, it’s the whole “perk yourself up, wink, wink” and then the childish sulking after being knocked back which would make me want to seal up my vagina for good, ewwww! Yuk!

BigFatLiar · 05/01/2021 14:04

Men need to understand that sex is a two-person sport, not something one person does while the other person 'lets' them.

But perhaps once the children are here its something to be looked back on as part of the past (until they're older).Smile

Cheeserton · 05/01/2021 14:10

sex pest

Get real. Sulking is severely unattractive sure, but he's not a 'sex pest' for seeking sex with his wife in the morning. Got knows I've been a little pissed off when I've wanted it and he hasn't, but that doesn't make me a sex pest for trying it on FFS...

BubblyBarbara · 05/01/2021 20:00

Got knows I've been a little pissed off when I've wanted it and he hasn't, but that doesn't make me a sex pest for trying it on

Ever consider that maybe it does?

Eckhart · 05/01/2021 20:04

@TopBants

Mini golf. Funeral.

I love a good analogy Smile

Lucidas · 05/01/2021 20:43

Your opinion that OP should prioritise her lie-in, because you prefer sleep, is frankly irrelevant (she already said that she likes morning sex). It’s all about leaving the children unattended for her.

Lucidas · 05/01/2021 20:44

@BubblyBarbara

Got knows I've been a little pissed off when I've wanted it and he hasn't, but that doesn't make me a sex pest for trying it on

Ever consider that maybe it does?

🤣
TopBants · 05/01/2021 20:44

Cheers @Eckhart. Grin

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 05/01/2021 21:26

YANBU OP.

Irresponsible parenting, entitlement and sulking are hardly the stuff fanny gallops are made of. Mine would be stapling itself shut, frankly.

A) It’s supposed to be your turn for a lie in while he parents. Actually parents them.

B) Unless the room they were in is a padded cell with a separating wall, it IS potentially unsafe, it’s 2 floors away, you can’t hear them, and it would take longer to reach them than if they were next door. HTF are you supposed to feel sexy when you’re concerned about DC?

C) Perk yourself up? Only bringing you coffee cos he wants something? Ew.

D) Sulking cos he didn’t get his own way. Lovely. Why do I suspect he’ll try and ruin the mood of the rest of the day too, and now expect you to do everything?

As pps have said, can you sit him down and explain the problem? Any hope at all that he’ll get it?

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 05/01/2021 21:27

or should we just send you the shovel

StamfordHill · 05/01/2021 21:44

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