DH wanting sex at ridiculous times?!

[legalseagull]

AIBU at being really pissed off at DH. It's not even 9am and yet he's come in to the bedroom with a brew (it's my turn for a lay in whilst he's got up with the 1yo and 3yo) Coffee is appreciated but he then immediately says "have a sip and perk yourself up 'wink wink'" Apparently the toddlers are downstairs plonked in front of the tv and he wants a quickie.
He doesn't think that's inappropriate or dangerous at all. They're not 9/10, the youngest is one year old!
Obviously I said no and he went off in a huff. He'll no doubt be feeling sorry for himself that I'm boring and he doesn't get enough.

No one should ever have sex they don't want. It is not a need,a right or a duty.

Could relationships break down because of it? Of course, and that is ok. In fact it's more than ok when the alternative is people having sex they don't want, which will fuck up the relationship anyways, but also the person involved.

I’m a bit confused by the poster who is saying

“ I have sex when I want to. So you OP should have sex when you DON’T want to, otherwise your husband will cheat on you “.

When you get up, go downsu, hand him a box of tissues and say "perk yourself up dear, you're good at being a wanker"

Am I the only one who appreciated this?

Sulking when being refused sex is borderline abusive.

You shouldn't be having sex if you don't want it. However what we don't know is whether 'not now' is a regular occurrence. If it is and he is constantly getting knocked back than perhaps its time to call it a day. If its just an occasional thing them he just needs to get on with the rest of the day.

I like @MaryLeeOnHigh reply posted above. He really should not need it spelled out to him, but sounds like he does.

@legalseagull So what do you suggest? Avoid tension by just agreeing to leave the kids (baby) alone whilst I have sex that I don't want?

As I've posted before, how is your sex life and your communication generally? It sounds like you both need to sit down and have a proper heart to heart as you're both clearly coming from very different directions at the moment.

He wants it more than I do but I'm in no means always refusing him. Although he'll probably argue with that. We had sex this week so it's not like it's been months or anything

So was he in a mood when you went downstairs afterwards?

I'd get revenge by plonking my morning funky fanny on his face while he was still asleep

YANBU OP. Most definitely not.

@Morgan12

So was he in a mood when you went downstairs afterwards?

Yes. He didn't see the problem with leaving the kids alone or going off in a huff at all.

I'd get revenge by plonking my morning funky fanny on his face while he was still asleep

That made me
I like your thinking.

how charming you got yourself a lovely wanker there

Terrible timing. Can you imagine if something (God forbid) happened to your children while you were upstairs having sex?!
He sounds incredibly immature to go in a huff with you too.

I can’t believe I’m actually reading someone saying “you must have sex when he wants...or he will cheat on you”

Obviously I said no.
'Obviously' that is your problem. You dismissed him as if he was an impertinent servant.
He is your Husband: the man you have an exclusive sexual relationship with. Of course that does not mean he can have sex with you whenever he wants it but the answer isn't obviously no.

@Uhhuhoyaye

Obviously I said no. 'Obviously' that is your problem. You dismissed him as if he was an impertinent servant. He is your Husband: the man you have an exclusive sexual relationship with. Of course that does not mean he can have sex with you whenever he wants it but the answer isn't obviously no.

It is obviously no when it means leaving a 1 yo and a 3 yo alone by themselves down two flights of stairs .

Funny how the mum having a shower and leaving her toddler was obviously wrong and was told so by every single poster poster.

Oh but to leave two toddlers alone for sex? There's not "obviously " there.
Ffs.

@Uhhuhoyaye, why is it not obvious that the answer to a request for sex is no when it means leaving two young children in a potentially dangerous situation on their own two floors down?

I don't think it's obviously no, and neither do I think the showering mum is unreasonable either. The downstairs of my home is much safer than the upstairs and the children are always left downstairs when I shower if their father isn't home to care for them.

@Almostslimjim

I don't think it's obviously no, and neither do I think the showering mum is unreasonable either. The downstairs of my home is much safer than the upstairs and the children are always left downstairs when I shower if their father isn't home to care for them.

Are they 1 and 3?

[quote MaryLeeOnHigh]@Uhhuhoyaye, why is it not obvious that the answer to a request for sex is no when it means leaving two young children in a potentially dangerous situation on their own two floors down?[/quote]
Many couples have sex upstairs with their toddlers downstairs. Or so my friends tell me.

OP's DH didn't think it was dangerous. So not only did she reject him, which is perfectly fine, but she also criticised him, possibly scolded him, for being a bad parent.

Be gentle when you reject your partner.

*OP's DH didn't think it was dangerous. So not only did she reject him, which is perfectly fine, but she also criticised him, possibly scolded him, for being a bad parent.

Be gentle when you reject your partner.*

Unbelievable. So she should ignore her own risk assessment and cede to his (which imo is clearly rubbish) and 'be gentle', rather than treating him like an equally responsible adult man?

FFS. Some people on here are honestly living in the dark ages.

See also men who try it on as soon as heads hit pillows when woman has been saying all evening how tired she is. "Only asking...!" Only being a crashing insensitive prick you mean.

Men need to understand that sex is a two-person sport, not something one person does while the other person 'lets' them.

Be gentle when you reject your partner.

Why? He was a bad parent. He is a sex pest.

@Draineddraineddrained

*OP's DH didn't think it was dangerous. So not only did she reject him, which is perfectly fine, but she also criticised him, possibly scolded him, for being a bad parent.

Be gentle when you reject your partner.*

Unbelievable. So she should ignore her own risk assessment and cede to his (which imo is clearly rubbish) and 'be gentle', rather than treating him like an equally responsible adult man?

FFS. Some people on here are honestly living in the dark ages.

See also men who try it on as soon as heads hit pillows when woman has been saying all evening how tired she is. "Only asking...!" Only being a crashing insensitive prick you mean.

Men need to understand that sex is a two-person sport, not something one person does while the other person 'lets' them.

OH: I only wanted a kiss. Me: Last time you wanted ONLY a kiss, we ended up with DD.

We both laugh.

Not gentle enough I suppose, but definitely clear.