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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH wanting sex at ridiculous times?!

233 replies

legalseagull · 03/01/2021 09:17

AIBU at being really pissed off at DH. It's not even 9am and yet he's come in to the bedroom with a brew (it's my turn for a lay in whilst he's got up with the 1yo and 3yo) Coffee is appreciated but he then immediately says "have a sip and perk yourself up 'wink wink'" Apparently the toddlers are downstairs plonked in front of the tv and he wants a quickie.
He doesn't think that's inappropriate or dangerous at all. They're not 9/10, the youngest is one year old!
Obviously I said no and he went off in a huff. He'll no doubt be feeling sorry for himself that I'm boring and he doesn't get enough.

OP posts:

C0NNIE · 03/01/2021 10:56

@TwentyViginti

Men who sulk when they don't get sex on demand are deeply unattractive.

Men who continue with this behaviour are sex pests.

Men who put their dick before their kids are shit parents.

Men who want to use their partner as a wank sock are people who view women as a series of holes for their use.

This.

Almostslimjim · 03/01/2021 11:00

Eckhart

The point is that the OP considers it a ridiculous time but not everyone agrees.

Though I can't imagine there is not a ridiculous time if DH is a sex pest.

Lucieintheskye · 03/01/2021 11:01

OP his attitude towards you and sex is vile. He's dumped your DC in front of the tv to wake you up for a shag, complely blind to the fact your DC are in danger and you might not want it. And then he's making a grumpy fuss?

What a knob. Tell him what he did was inappropriate and unsafe and you don't appreciate him turning nasty when you don't want sex.

missrks · 03/01/2021 11:05

Ew. He sounds horrible.

NoDontDoIt · 03/01/2021 11:06

Eckhart - just that not everyone thinks the same or sees it as 'ridiculous' timing is all

Almostslimjim · 03/01/2021 11:09

Eckhart - just that not everyone thinks the same or sees it as 'ridiculous' timing is all

Exactly. I think "husband sulked when refused sex" is the actual issue here.

Chel098 · 03/01/2021 11:11

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

When you get up, go downsu, hand him a box of tissues and say "perk yourself up dear, you're good at being a wanker"

Original poster

legalseagull · 03/01/2021 11:17

I don't see the morning as ridiculous. I think the morning when two toddlers are downstairs alone is ridiculous

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 03/01/2021 11:17

If you don't pull your husband up on this now, all he'll take out of this is 'my wife hardly ever has sex with me.' All the blame will be laid at your door, and resentment will build. Then he'll have an affair because 'my wife doesn't understand me.' Believe me, if you don't air the problems now, they'll grow.
He is wrong on so many levels, as is detailed above, apart from the posters who've missed the point and detailed their sexual preferences.
No, parents don't leave children that age alone. No, you don't get to disturb my lie in. No, you don't get to sulk and play the victim.

Joiningthegossip · 03/01/2021 11:19

I refer to a sex pest in a joke way, my husband is a man he enjoys sex doesn't make him disgusting. I'm sure many of your husbands/partners initiate sex.

Yes it was an inappropriate time whilst your children are downstairs but just say no and leave it as that is what I'm getting at. Why does it need to be on MN?
Men don't think with there heads when they have that desire, just tell him it was the wrong time and move on.

Let him sulk, he will soon get over it.

Longdistance · 03/01/2021 11:24

I’d be more pissed off with him waking me up with coffee when I want a lie in and peace.

Hope4theBestPlan4theWorst · 03/01/2021 11:24

Leaving a baby and a toddler on their own is more of an issue to my mind - ok to bring you a drink but not for any longer!!
WhT planet is he on??

I'd be questioning him as a partner and father he sounds like a selfish individual

I think you need to seriously think about this!

oakleaffy · 03/01/2021 11:25

@tiredybear

ok, so poor choice of words on his behalf but he was only asking. was it the wrong time? er yep! But it sounds like he wasn't exactly thinking clearly at that exact moment. You obviously look completely ravishing in your lie in state!

seriously though, don't let it become a thing. How about a 'great idea earlier but let's rain check until XXX you know, leaving a 1 and 3yo unsupervised doesn't really get me in the mood!'

@tiredybear This sounds entirely fair and very reasonable. I'd not want the thought of kids rushing in, or hearing a crash and a series of wails from downstairs, either.

Kids being safely in bed is much more sensible.

LittleTiger007 · 03/01/2021 11:27

Sulking and demanding sex is unreasonable. 9am doesn’t seem unreasonable. We have much more energy in the morning and your children are young enough not to know what’s going on. As long as they are safe.

MacDuffsMuff · 03/01/2021 11:27

Men don't think with there heads when they have that desire

FFS @Joiningthegossip it's not an 18th century bodice ripping novel we're discussing.

Men are not all salivating sex fiends, they can very well think with their head and not their penis. Even when they would like to have sex.

Cleverpolly3 · 03/01/2021 11:28

@legalseagull

I don't see the morning as ridiculous. I think the morning when two toddlers are downstairs alone is ridiculous

I totally agree It’s not him wanting to have sex with you its the fact he’s happily leave his tiny children to their own devices so he can have a quick shag. That’s shabby parenting and it would be a massive turn off too

Cleverpolly3 · 03/01/2021 11:29

@MacDuffsMuff
“Bodice ripper”

GarlicSoup · 03/01/2021 11:29

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Yet another revolting sex pest.

Add shit parent to that too.

Joiningthegossip · 03/01/2021 11:30

@MacDuffsMuff

Men don't think with there heads when they have that desire

FFS @Joiningthegossip it's not an 18th century bodice ripping novel we're discussing.

Men are not all salivating sex fiends, they can very well think with their head and not their penis. Even when they would like to have sex.

Obviously not on this occasion, he thought a cup of coffee would've got his end away.

Thanks for thinking my quote was from an 18th century novel, I shall take it as a compliment

diddl · 03/01/2021 11:31

"If he knew he wasn't getting sex there's no way he would have bought me a drink"

That's sad, isn't it?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/01/2021 11:33

My ex used to get huffy when I would shag him at random times like when I loaded the dishwasher. It completely turned me off him, I used to say I'm not a wank sick don't treat me like one

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 03/01/2021 11:33

*wank sock

OrangeSlices998 · 03/01/2021 11:35

Who could possibly relax and enjoy sex knowing their two very young children (a 1 year old for goodness sake!) were 2 floors away on their own? Yes they might just be playing and being little angels but it’s just not worth it, surely?!

SummerHouse · 03/01/2021 11:36

What does "perk yourself up" actually mean? I can't get past this. This alone would have me googling chastity belts.

MacDuffsMuff · 03/01/2021 11:46

Thanks for thinking my quote was from an 18th century novel, I shall take it as a compliment

Please do @Joiningthegossip, it made me smile. 😁

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