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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

969 replies

Tellmelies65 · 02/01/2021 15:23

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

OP posts:
Juanbablo · 02/01/2021 15:57

I mean, it's not outrageous. It's lovely that she's met the right person and is happy and having a baby. But for me I wouldn't choose it. My dad was only 47 when he became a grandad.

CherryPieface · 02/01/2021 15:57

My mum was 40, my dad 45 when they had me. They are now 88 and 93, still living independently in the family home with no real health issues. I didn’t realise they were ‘old’ until I was probably in my 20s! I hope your friend has a lovely family.

Ginfordinner · 02/01/2021 15:57

I hope she has a healthy, uneventful and successful pregnancy with a healthy baby at the end of it.

HappyChristmasTreeRex · 02/01/2021 15:57

70 is not very old nowadays! I think your friend was unkind in voicing such things.

Theotherrudolph · 02/01/2021 15:57

Plenty of men have babies that age with no one batting an eyelid. I’d not choose it myself but it’s hardly outrageous. I reserve that judgement for people in their 50s/60s and above.

MintyMabel · 02/01/2021 15:58

I’m 46. If I could have another, I would.

cptartapp · 02/01/2021 15:58

My friend had her second set of twins at 47. Her first set were 17.
All fit and well. Wouldn't be my choice.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 02/01/2021 15:58

@CherryPieface

My mum was 40, my dad 45 when they had me. They are now 88 and 93, still living independently in the family home with no real health issues. I didn’t realise they were ‘old’ until I was probably in my 20s! I hope your friend has a lovely family.
Thats wonderful and I hope they continue to thrive but this is not the norm from what ive seen, working in the NHS.
diddl · 02/01/2021 15:59

I think that calling it "outrageous" is quite odd tbh.

Bence69 · 02/01/2021 15:59

Jesus some people on here... it’s like we live in the dark ages!

CounsellorTroi · 02/01/2021 15:59

@AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter

70 is not old enough to need worrying about IMO

Thats not been my experience at all- all my friends are caring for parents who are around age 70.

I know plenty of 70 year olds including my DH who are living fit and active lives and need no care whatsoever. It's not typical to be frail and needing care at that age.
Tier10 · 02/01/2021 15:59

HappyChristmasTreeRex my mum is 69 and has advanced Alzheimer’s, she can do hardly anything for herself.

ChippyChickenChips · 02/01/2021 16:00

It must have been a lot more commonplace in the past. 3 of my aunts had babies mid forties - and 2 went on to provide childcare for their resulting grandchildren. I've 2 friends who had babies at 45/46 and they've coped perfectly well. They all had older children as well so that might make a difference.

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 02/01/2021 16:00

Hate these threads, but the age of the mother is really only the business of the father and the GP/Obstetrician.

My own dad died when I was 16, and he was 41, so young, so age alone is not really a factor.

shallbe · 02/01/2021 16:01

70 is not old enough to need worrying about IMO

My grandmother was 70 when she had her first stroke and needed caring for until she died at 80. My other grandmother died before she even got to 70. My grandad also had his first stroke early 70s. Generally quite healthy people too. I am very much expecting to be needed when my parents are 70s, I will be pleasantly surprised if not!

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 02/01/2021 16:01

It's not typical to be frail and needing care at that age

Again, that has not been my experience shrug. Most people by age 70 have at least one health issue.

diddl · 02/01/2021 16:01

@Tier10

HappyChristmasTreeRex my mum is 69 and has advanced Alzheimer’s, she can do hardly anything for herself.
That must be devastating.
moonpig23 · 02/01/2021 16:02

My neighbour is 53 (the same age as my Mum) and had a 5 year old. She also has a son my age. She finds it very hard as her parents were also old having her so passed away 15 years ago. I wouldn't fancy a child at that age.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 02/01/2021 16:02

I would not personally comment negatively on a friends news because it will achieve nothing at all - she isn't going to have an abortion because of my disaproval is she?
Inwardly though I'd be thinking it was selfish for the child and exhausting for the mother - you feel very very different in your 50's than you do in your 40's and you don't realise you are going to until it happens.
But I've long learnt to keep my thoughts to myself - I'd congratulate her and wish her well.

sirbobblysock · 02/01/2021 16:02

So what else makes you “selfish” for having a child? What about if you are overweight? Have a disability or chronic illness? Mental health issues? Can you be really sure you’ll be a great parent even if you’re in the prime of life and the peak of physical fitness? Surely by your reckoning anything less than optimal is selfish? I had older parents who both died young when I was in my 20s, but compared to many others I know with shit parents I still think I had a better time of it.

Atrixie · 02/01/2021 16:02

Thats not been my experience at all- all my friends are caring for parents who are around age 70.

So not my experience. Most of the seventy somethings I know are still doing some work, volunteering and in non covid times doing lots of travelling / theatre / restaurants / childcare

RickiTarr · 02/01/2021 16:02

Why can’t people just be pleasant FFS?

As if other people’s procreation decisions are any of their business anyway.

mistermagpie · 02/01/2021 16:03

Well it's very unkind of your other friend seeing as she's already pregnant. I mean, what does she expect her to do about it?!

I had my last child at 39, I can't see the extra 7 years making all that much difference to be honest. I wouldn't bat an eyelid if she was 42.

Either way, she's pregnant now so there's nothing else to be said except congratulations.

Tier10 · 02/01/2021 16:03

Yes it really is. The first signs were there about 6 or so years ago and it’s really bad now.
I recently lost my DF , he was 74.

Sparklingbrook · 02/01/2021 16:03

I know plenty of 70 year olds including my DH who are living fit and active lives and need no care whatsoever. It's not typical to be frail and needing care at that age

Me too, there will be a few exceptions as with all things, but I would not say being 70 is a reason to worry routinely about someone.