To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

[Tellmelies65]

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

I was born to parents of that age and no, it isn’t fair to the child, but I can understand why she’d take the opportunity if it’s something she’s always wanted.

How is it selfish? At least, I don't see it as being any more selfish than anyone else having a baby.

Women have always had babies into their 40s and presumably always will. People have probably always been dicks about it too. Best to just ignore them.

Not what I would choose for myself but I wouldn’t say that to a friend who was happy with her choices. Everyone is different.

What a good friend

How mean

I also think it's too old personally, but if it was my friend I would get over that and be happy for her.

Your friend sounds nasty.

My DH is 49 (I'm in my 30s) we're trying for number 2 now and very excited about it.

He's a wonderful father with plenty of energy, and with more time and resources than when he was younger which is helpful as I'm a busy hospital doctor with less free time than him.

There are advantages and disadvantages to age when having children.

It's so unkind to be critical

You never know what's round the corner for you.

My mum was 30 when I was born. She was dead by 40, cancer.

My dad was 46. He's 86 now and still going strong.

It is old but it’s her life, and that’s my opinion. I would never say it’s outrageous! That’s awful, clearly not a friend.

Doesn’t matter if other people think it’s too old, not their business!

I had one at 44 and yes I’ll be older than most when they’re in their 20s, but I’d rather have been an older mother than not have them at all.

I wouldn't have even thought it unusual tbh. There are many ways to look at it. I'd expect her to still be physically able to care for a child. It's probable she's in a more financially stable position than she was 20 years ago. And depending on how she ages, which can be down to many things, she'll be able to support her child well into adulthood but when she required support her child wont be old and struggling themself. I'd rather be 40 caring for an 86yo parent than 60.

Would I privately think it's a bit too old? Yes, I would.

Would I ever voice those thoughts to the expectant mother or a mutual friend? No, I wouldn't.

Why is it selfish?

It's too old for me but obviously not too old for her and it's certainly not 'outrageous'.

Curious as to what the point of the thread is though OP?

If your friend is happy, what does it have to do with anyone else?

@Tier10

I personally would found it difficult to have a toddler and the start of menopause at the same time but I’d never say that in real life.

I would argue a teenage daughter and a severely menopausal Mother were an equally bad combination. My mother and I hated each other for two years and my poor father was in the middle of it all.

She is too old. Wouldn’t say it to her though...

@Sstarlight

I actually agree, I think it's pretty selfish.

I think it is unwise and rather selfish to plan to have a baby at 46, especially a first, but I also think it is nobody else's business. The woman probably thought it wouldn't happen, so many do, and now that it has, it's like a miracle.

As long as she keeps well, her baby may be no worse off than any other. I've known people with mothers who had them well in their forties and they grew up fine, their mothers were also around for a long time. They were not the only child though, they had siblings a lot older who spoiled them rotten :-).

Let's just hope all works out well for them.

Selfish. So by the time her kid is ready to set off and explore life away from home s/he will have a 70 year old mother to worry about

It’s very rude comment. She’s not going to have 5 babies in one go, just one. She may be in good health, secure financially and stable emotionally so ready for it. She also might have a great network of relatives, excited and ready to help.
Yes, things could go wrong but they could go wrong at any age, aren’t they?

I personally do think it's too old but it's seriously out of order for your friend to talk behind your other friends back. Opinions like those are best kept to themselves. What good is it doing seeing as your friend is alreasy pregnant? I would totally ignore that convo.

I think it's too old personally, but it wouldn't be my place to voice that opinion unless specifically asked for.

I would agree no one else’s business.

But I can just imagine the comments my mum would make, she thought I was too old when I had my first DS, I was 28 at the time!

For those saying she is too old- her body clearly doesn’t agree!! If she was too old, she wouldn’t have conceived. Some people have such strange ideas.

Yes @LAgeDeRaisin your eggs are 30+ the lady in question has 46 year old eggs. There is a huge difference.

The only comment I would have to make would to be to wish her a healthy pregnancy and birth. No one else's business.