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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

969 replies

Tellmelies65 · 02/01/2021 15:23

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

OP posts:
Pippa234 · 02/01/2021 15:40

I think it's too old personally, but I wouldn't say anything.

Viviennemary · 02/01/2021 15:41

I think it's far too old. But I wouldn't say that to the woman.

Lookslikerainted · 02/01/2021 15:41

46 is pretty old, but it happens. I want to be finished having kids by then.

SpecialchildSupermum · 02/01/2021 15:41

My best friend had a baby at 46. She met and married a man who had no children (she had one who was 20 by her first marriage) and they decided that if it - pregnancy- happened then they would be so happy. And they still are! And so is her big brother! She’s just started school and we all love her to pieces and are happy for our friend.

CounsellorTroi · 02/01/2021 15:42

A close friend had her first at that age, sadly she passed away from cancer 7 years later.

I was infertile - now post menopausal - but would not have wanted to conceive at that age (I'd had premature ovarian failure so there was little likelihood) as my DH is 10 years older and he'd have been pushing 70 when the child entered its teens.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 02/01/2021 15:44

@ProudAuntie76

It’s very easy for a woman who has never known the pain of being childless against one’s will to make nasty comments.

Ignore and just be happy for your friend that it wasn’t too late for her.

There will no doubt be an influx of the ridiculous “personally, 30 was my cut off so I do judge/ anything over 35 is unfair on the child imo” comments. But of course from women who met the right man at the right time.

I think it’s fine. More importantly,
so does her body. So that’s the main thing.

I’d be giving the “mutual friend” a piece of my mind.

Ditto
Sparklingbrook · 02/01/2021 15:46

@CrotchBurn

Selfish. So by the time her kid is ready to set off and explore life away from home s/he will have a 70 year old mother to worry about
70 is not old enough to need worrying about IMO.
BikeRunSki · 02/01/2021 15:47

@MysweetAudrina

The only comment I would have to make would to be to wish her a healthy pregnancy and birth. No one else's business.
I agree with this completely.
feelingdizzy · 02/01/2021 15:47

My first response, which I would keep to myself ,would be a reflective of my feelings.I'm that age my kids are adults and the very thought exhausts me.
Would I voice this no, I would wish her the very best as I would with every expectant mum and keep my fingers crossed all goes well for her and baby .

Nodancingshoes · 02/01/2021 15:48

Up to her - i cant see that it is selfish, She will only be 66 when the baby is 20. That's not ancient by todays standards. My mum had me in her 20's and died before I got to that age...However my sister had a baby at 41 and found the pregnancy difficult- your friend may need some support rather than judgement.

toolazytothinkofausername · 02/01/2021 15:48

None of your friend's business.

Most of the OAPs in my family live late into their 90s, therefore the offspring would be at least 50 years old when they died.

mumwon · 02/01/2021 15:48

& others have said about mums having babies later in life before we had contraception - & sometimes grandmothers (older than this lady)have for various reasons, looked after their grandchildren when they were older than this.
Women are far healthier/younger seeming now than their grandmothers or great grandmothers - mostly because they haven't had lots of children.
Hopefully she is in full healthy

ashley69ly · 02/01/2021 15:49

For me the issue are that this child is likely to be an only and likely will potentially quite young when their Mother gets to an age where she might begin to need more support or care.
I'm in my 50's and have a brother but in recent weeks, both of my parents have been quite unwell and I'm feeling the pressure of supporting them and finding it overwhelming. 20 years ago it would have been more so. My children are both young adults but if my parents had me in their 40's, I would have been trying to do the same with young children and a full time job. At least now, ive got a bit more time.

Hoppinggreen · 02/01/2021 15:49

I think it probably is a bit old but I would never say it to or about a pg friend of that age

SweetPetrichor · 02/01/2021 15:50

Her choice of course but I think it’s too old. My mum was in her late 30s when she had me and I’m sad that my parents are 10 years older than my DPs parents...cause it means theoretically 10 years less life with them in it (of course life is full of unknowns, so that is theoretically). At 46 I think it’s selfish.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/01/2021 15:50

I wouldnt choose it (same age but I already have children) and I would be thinking "Blimey, good luck!" to myself but I would never voice that. If she is happy and and healthy, good for her!

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 02/01/2021 15:51

I would never ever say anything as its not my business but personally I think thats too old.

When the child is entering the teen years she will be pushing 60. I dont think thats fair to the child. Again, just my opinion and I would never say anything but thats what I'd be thinking silently.

Chloemol · 02/01/2021 15:52

Wow so many rude people on here

It’s a shitty time after shitty months of crap

Why can’t people just say something nice or scroll on past and say nothing

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 02/01/2021 15:52

70 is not old enough to need worrying about IMO

Thats not been my experience at all- all my friends are caring for parents who are around age 70.

Leobynature · 02/01/2021 15:53

Is it same for a man? I’m 36 and pregnant. DH is 44 and will be 45 when the baby comes. He looks young and is fit and healthy. Is he to old?

ktp100 · 02/01/2021 15:53

Your 'friend' needs to fuck right off!

What is she suggesting, that your pregnant friend should abort a child she wants? Turn back time?

What a judgey bitch!

Of course it's not the optimum age anyone would pick but really, it is what it is and other people need to keep their snouts out if they can't be supportive.

nicky7654 · 02/01/2021 15:55

How exciting for her !! Fingers crossed that all goes well and baby is healthy. Obviously there are more risks being older but doesn't mean baby or mother won't do well.

diddl · 02/01/2021 15:55

Well she's obviously not literally too old as it's happening!

Wouldn't be for me, but best not commented on.

Shelby30 · 02/01/2021 15:55

Good luck to her, I wldnt fancy doing it at that age. I wld be happy for someone though that's longed to have a child.

LionLily · 02/01/2021 15:56

Well your pregnant friend has 20+ working years ahead of her, and life expectancy of 80+ so every chance of seeing her child to adulthood and beyond, probably even holding her own grandchildren.

But it's a big adjustment to make after 30 years of being responsible only for herself. And difficult times ahead if she goes through menopause at the average age, that's exhausting in itself - having an active young child at the same time would have broken me I reckon.

But your other friend should wind her beak in, none of her business how your friend chooses to spend her fifties, be it bringing up a child or browsing in Pavers for old lady slippers.

(Proviso: I am in my fifties and wear Pavers slippers.)

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