Page 38 | To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

Tellmelies65 · 2021-01-02T15:23:41+00:00

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

chocolatesweets · 04/01/2021 13:45

Nasty comment. Everyone has an opinion. But she's excited and why shouldn't she be. Good luck to your friend.

Alonelonelyloner · 04/01/2021 13:49

If she was physically able to conceive naturally at 46 then clearly she is not too old. What an awful bunch some people are. Your friend is rude.

Maybe some women are jealous that there is an older woman who is clearly physically fertile, therefore, not the 'invisible woman'; that we are fed lies about and are taught to accept over the age of 40. Go her!

80sMum · 04/01/2021 13:59

Wow! Congratulations to your friend, she must be thrilled. Forty-six is definitely a bit last-minute but hey, she's done it. Loads of good luck and best wishes to her!

This reminds me of my boss in my first job (many moons ago, in the 1970s) who unexpectedly became a dad again in his early 50s. His wife thought she'd reached menopause when periods stopped but it turned out that she was pregnant! She was 47 (and I think 48 by the time the baby was born). It was a heck of a shock for them - their other children had already grown up and left home - but their new daughter gave them a new lease of life and they were such happy parents, it was lovely to see.

lovescaca · 04/01/2021 14:23

@SinisterBumFacedCat

Well obviously not if people are saying things like 'oh u can't say that to her etc' or ' tell your friend to keep her opinion to herself'

sqirrelfriends · 04/01/2021 14:54

Personally wouldn't have one that close to 50 but i would never say anything other than to give my congratulations.

None of her business IMO.

WombatChocolate · 04/01/2021 15:01

Anybody I have known who has conceived at that age, has kept it quiet from all but a tiny number of very close friends/family until the third trimester- so until 28 weeks plus. They know the statistical likelihood of not making it to term is so high. These friends have struggled to become pregnant, often had previous miscarriages and can just about cope with sharing a miscarriage with a very small pool of close friends but really don’t want to share it with all and sundry because of the wide range of reactions...as this thread shows.

Therefore, I think this is a wise course of action rather than announcing to the world. Perhaps if someone hasn’t actively tried to become pregnant before and at an older age just becomes pregnant very easily, they d9nt have alll the baggage of years of trying that most older pregnant women have, but you’d imagine they would have read enough to know the risks. Keeping the info to a fairly small group if friends is self protection really.

I wish her all the very best. Lots of women do make it and it’s wonderful.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/01/2021 17:25

"If she was physically able to conceive naturally at 46 then clearly she is not too old."

When did OP say she conceived naturally?

CheetasOnFajitas · 04/01/2021 17:26

@80sMum

Wow! Congratulations to your friend, she must be thrilled. Forty-six is definitely a bit last-minute but hey, she's done it. Loads of good luck and best wishes to her!

This reminds me of my boss in my first job (many moons ago, in the 1970s) who unexpectedly became a dad again in his early 50s. His wife thought she'd reached menopause when periods stopped but it turned out that she was pregnant! She was 47 (and I think 48 by the time the baby was born). It was a heck of a shock for them - their other children had already grown up and left home - but their new daughter gave them a new lease of life and they were such happy parents, it was lovely to see.

A bit like Tony and Cherie Blair

. She was 46 when she had Leo.

SometimesIWonderWhy · 04/01/2021 18:05

I think if you can get pregnant at that age then Mother Nature doesn't think you are too old.
I'm in my 40's - no children and I had had the time over the last 10 years to really look after myself physically and mentally. Most of my female friends of my age look much older than me because they had had children, all those sleepless nights and not being able to prioritise their own health.
I would say I was in a physically better place than most of my friends to have a baby, I had no idea (apart from on this thread) I would be so judged if I did get pregnant.

ILoveShula · 04/01/2021 18:40

If you could get pregnant at 13 would that mean Mother Nature doesn't think it is too young?

MissB83 · 04/01/2021 18:54

Would those who have said "too old" said the same if it was the man who was 46?

My son's father was 45 when he was born so just interested!

Blulights · 04/01/2021 19:01

All those moaning and whining and saying it's too old you probably all have kids.
Also it's better to wait for the right person than have a few kids with an abusive or useless bloke.

Honeyroar · 04/01/2021 19:23

Nobody is moaning and whining any more than you Blulights, just disagreeing with your opinion. It’s allowed. And no I couldn’t have children. I also mentioned earlier that I thought the father was too old as well. He’s a couple of years older than my friend, who had her child at 46.

LittleTiger007 · 04/01/2021 20:52

@Blulights

All those moaning and whining and saying it's too old you probably all have kids. Also it's better to wait for the right person than have a few kids with an abusive or useless bloke.

Thank you @Blulights well said.

Wheresmykimchi · 04/01/2021 21:28

@ILoveShula

If you could get pregnant at 13 would that mean Mother Nature doesn't think it is too young?

That would be rape so...

Pippa234 · 04/01/2021 21:51

"Also it's better to wait for the right person than have a few kids with an abusive or useless bloke."

What a ridiculous comment, you do realise pregnancy can be a trigger for domestic abuse?
Your age doesn't protect you from it

Wheresmykimchi · 04/01/2021 22:24

@Pippa234

"Also it's better to wait for the right person than have a few kids with an abusive or useless bloke."

What a ridiculous comment, you do realise pregnancy can be a trigger for domestic abuse?
Your age doesn't protect you from it

The point is though that having a baby at an older age having met the right person doesn't make you worse than someone younger who didn't.

Pippa234 · 04/01/2021 22:38

"The point is though that having a baby at an older age having met the right person doesn't make you worse than someone younger who didn't."

That's not the point shown there at all in regards to waiting to find the 'right bloke' so you don't end up with an abusive or useless man.
Pregnancy can be a trigger for domestic abuse, what ever your age, also useless men can show themselves when you have a baby.
Plenty of women find their partner not pulling their wait after they have had a baby.
It was a ridiculous comment and doesn't show the point you are referring to in the slightest.

Pippa234 · 04/01/2021 22:39

Weight**

Wheresmykimchi · 04/01/2021 22:53

@Pippa234

"The point is though that having a baby at an older age having met the right person doesn't make you worse than someone younger who didn't."

That's not the point shown there at all in regards to waiting to find the 'right bloke' so you don't end up with an abusive or useless man.
Pregnancy can be a trigger for domestic abuse, what ever your age, also useless men can show themselves when you have a baby.
Plenty of women find their partner not pulling their wait after they have had a baby.
It was a ridiculous comment and doesn't show the point you are referring to in the slightest.

but my point is not ridiculous so why are you referring me back to the comment?

Pippa234 · 04/01/2021 23:00

Because you tagged me and what I had written to another poster trying to explain away what a previous poster said with something completely different.

I also didn't say your point about having a baby at an older age having met the right person doesn't make you worse than someone younger who didn't was ridiculous, I said it wasn't what the poster was referring to. Because it wasn't..

Wheresmykimchi · 04/01/2021 23:01

@Pippa234

Because you tagged me and what I had written to another poster trying to explain away what a previous poster said with something completely different.

I also didn't say your point about having a baby at an older age having met the right person doesn't make you worse than someone younger who didn't was ridiculous, I said it wasn't what the poster was referring to. Because it wasn't..

I wasn't trying to explain it away, I could see what they were getting at albeit badly worded.

SometimesIWonderWhy · 06/01/2021 00:23

@ILoveShula yes I think that having a baby at 13 is too young, sadly plenty of girls around the globe have babies at that age and younger.
Maybe aim your indignation at that situation which I believe is much more damaging to humankind than a grown, free woman of 46 choosing to have a child.

Cleverpolly3 · 06/01/2021 14:57

[quote SometimesIWonderWhy]@ILoveShula yes I think that having a baby at 13 is too young, sadly plenty of girls around the globe have babies at that age and younger.
Maybe aim your indignation at that situation which I believe is much more damaging to humankind than a grown, free woman of 46 choosing to have a child.[/quote]
Absolutely

ILoveShula · 06/01/2021 15:09

@SometimesIWonderWhy, @Cleverpolly3

I have no indignation. If a woman wants a baby at age 46 and can have one, then surely it is her business, not mine. I know someone who had a first baby at that age and there were comments made, but not by me, I assumed it was a much longed for child with parents in a stable LTR relationship.

Mother and child were and are perfectly fine, parents are still together. The mother looks young for her age, so doesn't look older than the other mums.

13 is too young though.