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Original poster

To think at 46 my friend isn’t too old to be having a baby

969 replies

Tellmelies65 · 02/01/2021 15:23

My lovely friend has just announced she’s pregnant with her first at 46. She just didn’t meet the right person until now. A friend we have in common has messaged saying how outrageous it is.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 03/01/2021 23:47

Perhaps you confused me with another poster?

Notimeforaname · 03/01/2021 23:47

Unless I'm losing my mind prematurely and have forgotten what I've written...

DenisetheMenace · 03/01/2021 23:52

Notimeforaname

“Everything I said was around keeping up physically with younger kids.”

I was a physical slob when we had our daughter in my late 20s. My family cheered me on at marathons in my 40s after we had our lovely surprise son 🤷‍♀️

Shmithecat2 · 04/01/2021 00:00

Congrats to her Flowers.

These threads always go the same though - unsolicited pity for the unborn child, accusations of selfishness, the apparent horror of being the older mum on the school run. FFS.

I was 40 when I had ds, dh 46. Couldn't have turned out better. I'm nearly 46 and I'd quite happily have another. 🤷🏻‍♀️

PolkadotGiraffe · 04/01/2021 00:07

@Notimeforaname

Therefore to judge how long a 46 year old is likely to live you will need to stratify that data by rough age groups at least, not give a UK average

please tell me where I said anything about older parents dying or life expectancy? I mentioned nothing about that. Everything I said was around keeping up physically with younger kids.

That's exactly it: you didn't recognise these very stark differences between the experiences of past generations or our own childhoods, and what is the case now.
PolkadotGiraffe · 04/01/2021 00:11

@Notimeforaname

You know, science. Maths. Stats. Things that actually show something rather than just random judgement based on our own random life experiences I could look at stats til I'm blue in the face and still not get it. But seeing friends and neighbours actually struggle with the day to day life of having elderly parents when they themselves are very young ...formed the opinion I have today. I'm not judging anyone. I just have an opinion.
Why? What is it that you do not get about it?

It seems that we are discussing science and fact versus opinion and personal experience. Yes, you have an experience and it is valid. You may choose to form an opinion from that experience rather than data. But if you do, that opinion has no extrapolation value to anyone else because it does not represent the best we know about the situation, which is embodied in data. You can believe whatever you like but opinions based on personal experience do not have equal value to facts and data when discussing wider situations or general societal issues.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 00:16

You can believe whatever you like but opinions based on personal experience do not have equal value to facts and data when discussing wider situations or general societal issues

Thanks for letting me know I'm free to think as I wish!

It seems that we are discussing science and fact versus opinion and personal experience
Sorry that's not what I was taking about.

Simply giving my opinion!Smile I wasn't looking for my opinion to have equal value to facts?! Just leaving my opinion here. That is all.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 00:18

I dont mind your opinion or your stats at all. I still feel bad for children of much older parents. Thats just me. And that's ok.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 00:33

I was a physical slob when we had our daughter in my late 20s. My family cheered me on at marathons in my 40s after we had our lovely surprise son
Thats a fantastic achievement! Well done.

I was however talking about parents in their 60s and 70s. 40s are still very young.

DenisetheMenace · 04/01/2021 00:39

Notimeforaname

I see what you mean (and thank you 😊) He’s nearly 18 now and I can honestly say his existence has driven me on. I’m much fitter and more careful about my health than I suspect I would have been if we’d had him 10 years previously precisely because I’m that much older. My husband is in his sixties now. Our older daughter has given us a first grandchild and it’s really spurred him on to be the very fittest he can. I think it can have that effect on people.

PolkadotGiraffe · 04/01/2021 00:46

@Notimeforaname

You can believe whatever you like but opinions based on personal experience do not have equal value to facts and data when discussing wider situations or general societal issues

Thanks for letting me know I'm free to think as I wish!

It seems that we are discussing science and fact versus opinion and personal experience
Sorry that's not what I was taking about.

Simply giving my opinion!Smile I wasn't looking for my opinion to have equal value to facts?! Just leaving my opinion here. That is all.

Ok great. So why post your opinion when other people are referring to facts and statistics? Is your opinion from your sample of one so important that we must all hear about it?
Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 00:52

Ok great. So why post your opinion when other people are referring to facts and statistics? Is your opinion from your sample of one so important that we must all hear about it?
🤣 are you really asking me this question? Ok..because this is an internet forum where people are asked to post their opinions. And so I did. Its literally that simple. Do you understand now?

I dont mind if everyone disagrees with me. I never said my opinion was more important than anyone elses?
Clearly what's wrong with you is my opinion has irritated you. Perhaps you are a much older mother and my opinion has offended you. But my opinion remains the same nonetheless.

PolkadotGiraffe · 04/01/2021 00:53

The issue is not whether your opinion is more important than someone else's. The issue is whether your opinion corresponds with facts.

CounsellorTroi · 04/01/2021 00:53

One thing often not mentioned is the increased chance of ending up in a “care sandwich” ie caring for young children and elderly parents at the same time, especially if they had you later in life too.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 00:54

My husband is in his sixties now. Our older daughter has given us a first grandchild and it’s really spurred him on to be the very fittest he can. I think it can have that effect on people
I love this . My own dad became a grandad in his 60s and has gotten much fitter because of it too! Smile

PolkadotGiraffe · 04/01/2021 00:55

And no, I am not an "older mother". I just dislike people portraying unfactual, misogynistic and often quite judgemental opinions as having equal value to facts and statistics when they do not.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 00:55

The issue is whether your opinion corresponds with facts

No. It's not. GrinMy opinion is my own. Formed by me. What can you not understand about this?

PolkadotGiraffe · 04/01/2021 00:57

Like I said previously, you're entitled to any opinion you wish to hold. The point is that there is no reason for the rest of us to care about it if it does not correspond to the facts about general trends, or is contrary of them. You can express your opinion in that situation all you like but your anecdotes are of no relevance to anyone else.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 00:58

just dislike people portraying unfactual, misogynistic and often quite judgemental opinions as having equal value to facts and statistics when they do not

I think you've got me confused. I said I personally wouldn't like older parents and feel sad when I see older parents who clearly cant keep up.

That is fine isn't it?for me to think and feel this ?or no?

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 00:59

The point is that there is no reason for the rest of us to care about it if it does not correspond to the facts about general trends, or is contrary of them

But..I didn't ask anyone to care about my opinion 🤣 not once. what are you talking about?🤣

PolkadotGiraffe · 04/01/2021 01:00

Oh this is boring now. I'm trying hard to be polite but there's only so many way someone can explain the same thing. Maybe better if you read back over it and I stop replying as I don't want to be rude.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 01:01

You can express your opinion in that situation all you like but your anecdotes are of no relevance to anyone else
Seriously. It's an internet forum. Where I said somthing I was thinking. You seen very irritated by me. I'm sorry I've got your back up so much.

Notimeforaname · 04/01/2021 01:02

Oh this is boring now. I'm trying hard to be polite but there's only so many way someone can explain the same thing
Yes please stop it now. Grin

Willyoujustbequiet · 04/01/2021 01:03

If it was too old she wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place.

My parents had me in their twenties and neither of them saw old age. There are no guarantees.

DenisetheMenace · 04/01/2021 01:14

Willyoujustbequiet

If it was too old she wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place.

My parents had me in their twenties and neither of them saw old age. There are no guarantees.“

Rare wisdom.