To feel crap about gender scan? (Tomorrow)

[Iamthehedgehogqueen]

NC as outing.

Due to have a gender scan with DC2 tomorrow and I’ve been in tears several times today. I’m desperate to know but just feel so crap about finding out.

This will be our last baby, for medical and personal reasons a third is off the cards so it feels so final.

I just want a healthy baby but either way I think I’ll leave the apt tomorrow feeling like we missed out on something.

If it’s a second DS I’ll feel I’ve missed out on a DD (whoever they ended up being I don’t care if they weren’t girly let’s not get into that whole ‘sex not gender debate’) but equally if it is a DD then I’ll lose that lovely image of two boys. DS having a little brother to grow up with.

I think I’ve just spent so much of the last few months imagining both scenarios I’ll feel like I’ve lost something either way! It’s a terrible way to look at it I know!

YABU. Rather than viewing it as ‘missing out’ whatever the outcome, how about looking at it as winning whatever the outcome?

Do you need to find out?

Either way you have gained a baby. A lot of people only have 2 babies so will miss out on one of the scenarios you mentioned. Other people may have lots of babies and still 'miss out' as you put it. My friends have just had their 5th boy.

You’ve talked yourself into a dead end of misery!
Talk your way out... find out if it’s a DD or DS and then put that misery to bed and revel in the joy of a new child. You’re so very lucky and you control the narrative in your head. Tell it to shut up!

So ... don't have a gender scan? spend some time coming to terms with youyou are having a child that will DEFINITELY be their own person with their own relationship with you and their sibling. Which will be great and fun to look forward to experiencing.

@FourEyesGood

I suppose I do I just feel sad there won’t be more. I think that’s the crux of it. I feel sad this will be our last!

Yabvvvvu. Some people can't have any children.

Why are you having one when you’ve decided both outcomes are miserable!!?

I think it’s completely normal and expected to be a little upset sometimes at the result. I don’t have any kids yet due to fertility issues but all my friends do and they’ve been through it. My friend was adamant she was having a girl last year and he was her 3rd boy. She had a day of being sad and then focused on him.

You are grieving for the girl or boy you could have had. Either way the child you have will be loved and adored. Have a little cry and then focus on little one.

Gosh.

Sorry, but YABU.

You’d be disappointed with a boy, and a girl? Why are you having a second?

There are so many positives about the scenario you’re in right now, that I find it hard to believe you can’t reframe yourself thinking at all, to be a bit happier about things.

I wasn’t feeling like this whilst TTC

We just wanted a second child. I still want a second child and know I’m so lucky just a bit emotional as finding out feels like the last ‘big surprise’ we’ll get. DH said today ‘it’s weird that this is the last time we’ll find out the gender’ and I was just sad.

Finding out if you are having a boy or girl tells you almost nothing about your baby. I have 2 DDs and they are very different.

You are not having "a DS" or "a DD" you are having an absolutely unique individual. They might be determined and stubborn or caring and easily swayed. They might tend towards deep interests or flit between hobbies. They might be curious and a book worm or full of music and constantly dancing.

My mind is blown by the idea that I could have fallen pregnant a month before or month after and have a completely different child. Not because I might have had a DS, but because I would have had a different, but just as amazing and just as adored child.

The scan is to check your baby's development. It is not a gender scan.

Wow some people find misery in everything

Fgs. You have a much wanted second child. You are unhappy if it’s a girl. You are unhappy if it’s a boy. Grow up.

Is it actually an anomaly scan? If so, don't find out the sex.

If that's the purpose of the scan, don't go.

as finding out feels like the last ‘big surprise’ we’ll get. DH said today ‘it’s weird that this is the last time we’ll find out the gender’ and I was just sad.

Well, there’s also meeting your baby, and getting to know the new human as they grow.

That’s kinda cool...?

@ZeroFuchsGiven

No it’s a private gender scan.

Maybe it would be best not to find out.

Positive spin.
If it's a boy, Ds will have a brother
If it's a girl, we will have one of each!

Why not have a surprise?

Either way, you’ll be fine. These are just hormonal times.

I think really what you mean is.. you want it to be a girl.

@Sparklesocks

I’ve been on the fence but do still want to know.
I’m also pretty sure as soon as we do know all of these feelings will disappear and I’ll return to just feeling elated and excited.

DH also really wants to know. He’d be very disappointed to cancel now.

[quote Iamthehedgehogqueen]@ZeroFuchsGiven

No it’s a private gender scan.[/quote]
So just don't go then, no biggie.
YABU and ridiculous.