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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel crap about gender scan? (Tomorrow)

250 replies

Iamthehedgehogqueen · 01/01/2021 18:45

NC as outing.

Due to have a gender scan with DC2 tomorrow and I’ve been in tears several times today. I’m desperate to know but just feel so crap about finding out.

This will be our last baby, for medical and personal reasons a third is off the cards so it feels so final.

I just want a healthy baby but either way I think I’ll leave the apt tomorrow feeling like we missed out on something.

If it’s a second DS I’ll feel I’ve missed out on a DD (whoever they ended up being I don’t care if they weren’t girly let’s not get into that whole ‘sex not gender debate’) but equally if it is a DD then I’ll lose that lovely image of two boys. DS having a little brother to grow up with.

I think I’ve just spent so much of the last few months imagining both scenarios I’ll feel like I’ve lost something either way! It’s a terrible way to look at it I know!

OP posts:
VestaTilley · 01/01/2021 19:18

It is sex though. Your baby doesn’t have a gender.

I’m afraid YABU: to have a healthy baby should be enough. You can go shopping with a boy or play football with a girl. Our society would be so much healthier and happier if we ditched the awful stereotypes we push on to our children.

dealornodealer · 01/01/2021 19:19

Are you usually a glass is half empty person?

I'm sure once you hear the sex you'll forget all about the other imagined scenario and just be thrilled with reality of whichever one you're left with.

Ragwort · 01/01/2021 19:20

You sound bonkers, just don't go for the scan. Have you got more money than sense - you are paying for something and will be disappointed what ever the outcome Hmm. And of course the 'boy clothes' can be reworn, or why not donate them to someone who can't afford to clothe their child ... let alone pay for a private gender scan.

gluteustothemaximus · 01/01/2021 19:20

Positive spin.
If it's a boy, Ds will have a brother
If it's a girl, we will have one of each!

Exactly this.

Ginger1982 · 01/01/2021 19:21

Seriously? Be grateful you've been able to do this twice and either way have a lovely new adventure awaiting you.

FlopMadeMeDoIt · 01/01/2021 19:22

First of all it's sex, not gender.

Second, count your blessings. Some of us can't have any more DC at all, just be happy to have a healthy baby growing inside you. Maybe cancel the scan if you feel this way. Please

bellie710 · 01/01/2021 19:25

I have 3 children, never found out what any of them were going to be (to be honest find it weird that so many people do that). I have 3 girls and I could not ever imagine having a boy. I think when you give birth you love the child immediately, finding out in advance when you are desperate for 1 sex over the other gives you 4 months to work yourself up to never having the other sex. Cancel the scan!

nildesparandum · 01/01/2021 19:26

I have two now grown up children. Both are sons.When I was pregnant each time scans had not been invented.You waited until the baby was born before you knew.
My second baby had to be my last.I almost died having my first one I was talked by the consultant into having the tubal tie done during the birth as both were caesarean sections.I was so terrified I agreed without putting much thought into it.All I wanted was that the baby and myself both survived the birth as that nearly dd not happen with the first one what gender the baby was did not matter. I came round from the general anaesthetic and was told I had a little boy and he was alive although in special care but expected to be bought to the ward in the next two days as he was now breathing well.
They also told me my tubes had been tied as well.I admit to feeling a bit disappointed by not having a girl but this disappointment soon faded as two days after I met my lovely baby boy who has since grown up and given me grandchildren and great grandchildren
There are only two genders male and female so it is bound to be one or the other?Why find out if it has got you that worried?.Just ask if your baby is healthy that is all then wait till the birth and when you see him or her you will love them and forget about your previous feelings .

Holly60 · 01/01/2021 19:26

I do understand how you feel - it feels like such a significant bit of information about your future, and that it will impact what your lives look like forever. But just remember that baby already exists, as the gender it is. The hypothetical baby does not. Once your baby arrives you will realise that they are the fourth member of your family and it was meant to be.

Come back tomorrow and let us know what you are having xxx

Emeraldshamrock · 01/01/2021 19:27

Your setting yourself up for disappointment. It doesn't really matter besides we live in a world where your DS can become your DD and vice versa.

Posturesorposes · 01/01/2021 19:27

All the best tomorrow that the scan shows a healthily growing foetus. May there be no shocks, may you both get to see a happy healthy little thing floating around.

MyGhastIsFlabbered · 01/01/2021 19:27

When I found out my second baby was another boy, I felt a nanosecond of disappointment because I'd never have a daughter but honestly it lasted hardly any time at all.

Now I have 2 wonderful boys and a soon to be step daughter!

BabyLlamaZen · 01/01/2021 19:27

Hope you're ok op. aibu is savage.

Let us know the outcome please Smile

Sunshinehousexo · 01/01/2021 19:28

I’ve recently had our second DS and he’s going to be our last. I always imagined myself with 4 kids and would have liked a girl at some point. However, my husband is clear he’ll be our last and it makes sense for several reasons. For me, the person who doesn’t want more kids always trumps the person who does (in our situation). Rightly or wrongly. I’m sad we won’t have more but when I look at my two boys I feel that feeling you get on Christmas evening when you’ve had presents, fun, laughter and just a general “full” feeling. But I don’t feel “done” I don’t think I ever will.

Funnily enough I was going through the clothes he’s outgrown today and putting them in a pile and kept putting them to one side and then in the bin pile and then back and forth. But I’m totally satisfied with my two and you will be too.

1Morewineplease · 01/01/2021 19:28

I wouldn't want to find out... I'd just like to welcome whichever on the day.
I've never understood' the big gender reveal.'

PurpleFlower1983 · 01/01/2021 19:30

YABVU and quite ridiculous! Don’t find out.

Emeraldshamrock · 01/01/2021 19:31

DD wishes she had a little sister, DS wishes he had a big brother, it might have been easier for me and them if I had two same sex DC.

Lily83 · 01/01/2021 19:31

It is your hormones making you feel like this.
Don't worry - you will feel very differently when the baby comes.
Try some meditation apps on u tube.
Pregnancy yoga.
Some positive self talk
Write down all the positive things about both

I know it sounds a bit hippy dippy but they can all help
Hormones can make us feel really bad/anxious especially during pregnancy etc.
Don't beat yourself up about it
We all have irrational \ worrying thoughts at times
Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy

Mydogmylife · 01/01/2021 19:32

[quote Iamthehedgehogqueen]@Remmy123

No I really don’t. Today I cried at the thought of not getting to reuse DS’s gorgeous clothes! I’ve packed them all up so carefully and they are so lovely.[/quote]
Oh ffs !

Brefugee · 01/01/2021 19:32

so don't get the scan. It's ridiculous anyway unless it's for a valid medical reason

saraclara · 01/01/2021 19:33

I'm going to sound so 'old person' but I'm really glad they didn't have these private scans back in my day.

We found out what we were having when it popped out. You've no control over what sex your child is, so just embrace it.

Justnormajean · 01/01/2021 19:34

Oh @Iamthehedgehogqueen you are being a ‘silly sausage’ and I guess you sort of know this. Babies grow into little personalities and thankfully we can’t ‘order’ what we want off the shelf, regardless of sex/gender/personality/taste in music/ability to make a decent cup of tea.
Enjoy your scan day with your DH. It will be fun to have a day out together assuming you are living in the UK under some sort of tier.

okokok000 · 01/01/2021 19:35

@missyB1

Try counting your blessings.
This.
ineedaholidaynow · 01/01/2021 19:35

Why have this scan? The whole point about scans are to check that the baby is healthy and now a whole business has sprung up taking people's money so they can concentrate more on the sex of the baby rather than whether it is healthy.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 01/01/2021 19:36

YABU
Whatever the sex, you'll love them. You need to put the predictions and preconceptions of the sibling relationship to one side because regardless of sex, its out of your control. Two boys might well be thick as thieves, getting up to all kinds of shenanigans etc but they might not get along at all and have very different interests. A boy might dote on a younger sister but equally may not.
I have 2 of each and yes I know that probably makes me unreasonable to comment but it has been really interesting to observe the different relationships my kids have with each other. At the moment my middle two, a boy and a girl, get on the best. Today they've been painting each others nails and dressing up as Elsa 🤷‍♀️
You really can't predict the relationship based on sex of the kids. Just enjoy whatever you get.