Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel crap about gender scan? (Tomorrow)

250 replies

Iamthehedgehogqueen · 01/01/2021 18:45

NC as outing.

Due to have a gender scan with DC2 tomorrow and I’ve been in tears several times today. I’m desperate to know but just feel so crap about finding out.

This will be our last baby, for medical and personal reasons a third is off the cards so it feels so final.

I just want a healthy baby but either way I think I’ll leave the apt tomorrow feeling like we missed out on something.

If it’s a second DS I’ll feel I’ve missed out on a DD (whoever they ended up being I don’t care if they weren’t girly let’s not get into that whole ‘sex not gender debate’) but equally if it is a DD then I’ll lose that lovely image of two boys. DS having a little brother to grow up with.

I think I’ve just spent so much of the last few months imagining both scenarios I’ll feel like I’ve lost something either way! It’s a terrible way to look at it I know!

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 01/01/2021 20:01

Not everyone enjoys pregnancy. I bloody hated it both times.

Yes I do understand .. I'm just a bit confused by OP's upset.. the Scan won't ease any of these upsets will it.. Flowers

Clawdy · 01/01/2021 20:02

The baby being healthy and well is the most important thing. So many people would give anything for a healthy baby, boy or girl.

aliasname · 01/01/2021 20:04

The PP had it right with 'Schroedingers sex'

Except that you will definitely be getting a baby, not a dead cat.

FestiveStuffing · 01/01/2021 20:04

@AboutACat

You’re having a planned baby in the middle of a global pandemic and you’ve spent the day crying because you’re finding out the sex?

Let me weep into my IVF-postponement letter for you.

If you knew this post would offend you, why did you click on it? We're not playing 'Who has it worst?' top trumps. There's always someone worse off than you.
YouKnowItsTrue · 01/01/2021 20:04

I wish the sex scan thing didn’t exist. This is the second of these threads I’ve seen in just a few days.

What’s wrong with finding out at the birth?

ASmallMovie · 01/01/2021 20:04

A scan can only detect the sex of a foetus, not the gender.

As the saying goes, sex is what's between the legs; gender is what's between the ears.

FestiveStuffing · 01/01/2021 20:07

@BlueThistles

Not everyone enjoys pregnancy. I bloody hated it both times.

Yes I do understand .. I'm just a bit confused by OP's upset.. the Scan won't ease any of these upsets will it.. Flowers

So, you think that all pregnant women exist in a state of complete bliss for the entire nine months? I really don't get your point. OP is upset because she knows she won't get to experience both potential outcomes. That'll be just as true whether she has the scan or not.
Parker231 · 01/01/2021 20:08

This is why I think scans should only be for medical reasons. You do not need to know in advance whether you are having a DD or DS. The sole aim should be to have a healthy baby.

Normandy144 · 01/01/2021 20:09

Don't go to the scan. Finding out at the birth is worth the wait!

OlympicProcrastinator · 01/01/2021 20:10

*First of all it's sex, not gender.

Second, count your blessings. Some of us can't have any more DC at all, just be happy to have a healthy baby growing inside you. Maybe cancel the scan if you feel this way. Please*

First of all calling it a ‘sex scan’ would be weird. We all know what a gender scan is fgs.

Secondly, this isn’t the misery olympics and anyone using the fact they are infertile or worse, discussing dead babies to dismiss the feelings of a pregnant woman is a massive twat.

Nunoftheother · 01/01/2021 20:10

@WhatTheFuckHappenedHere

I can’t have children. You are being ridiculous and you know it. Get a grip.
Me neither. Can't even find a decent man so am both single and childless. It's shit.

Sorry, can't provide any sympathy I'm afraid.

BrumBoo · 01/01/2021 20:10

What’s wrong with finding out at the birth?

Thats not particularly fair to partners who may not be able to be there at the birth. There are also plenty of instances where finding out the sex may be relevant for possible medical issues. Generally there's nothing wrong with finding out earlier for whatever reason, as long as its not gender-bollocks related.

Calmandmeasured1 · 01/01/2021 20:11

No it’s a private gender scan.
Private scan to find out the sex of your child. No-one can decide somebody else's gender.

Hankunamatata · 01/01/2021 20:11

We found out the gender of babies after our first because dh really wanted a girl and I didn't want to see his disappointed face at delivery. He was a bit down for a week or so after the scans (we have boys) then cheered up and got excited.

OlympicProcrastinator · 01/01/2021 20:11

Bold fail! Confused

FestiveStuffing · 01/01/2021 20:11

@YouKnowItsTrue

I wish the sex scan thing didn’t exist. This is the second of these threads I’ve seen in just a few days.

What’s wrong with finding out at the birth?

Nothing wrong with it- I found out at birth with my second and at 20 weeks with my first. Looking back though, I actually prefer finding out at the scan, and understand why people choose this. I was able to concentrate on the news and enjoy finding out that bit of information about my developing DC, only had to pick one name, felt more bonded to the baby and was able to use a pronoun other than 'it'.

When I found out DS was a boy at birth, I was exhausted, high as a kite on gas and air and genuinely did not give a fuck what was between his legs- I was just glad he was no longer between mine!

Sparklingbrook · 01/01/2021 20:11

NC as outing How?

I think it must be the hormones talking but I would just cancel the scan if it was making me that miserable.

AboutACat · 01/01/2021 20:12

If you knew this post would offend you, why did you click on it?

Because I was holding out hope that you had posted on the thread so I could linger on your every word.

BrumBoo · 01/01/2021 20:12

@OlympicProcrastinator

Why is it weird calling sex what it is? Thats precisely whats landed us in this 'gender' wankery! People too embarrassed to say 'sex' as if it's a dirty word.

Gender is a social belief. Looking for it on the scan is asking to looking for the child's religious belief...

oneglassandpuzzled · 01/01/2021 20:14

[quote Iamthehedgehogqueen]@ZeroFuchsGiven

No it’s a private gender scan.[/quote]
But why are you doing it?

RainbowMum11 · 01/01/2021 20:14

Just don't find out - easy.

SunshineCake · 01/01/2021 20:15

I strongly suggest you don't have this scan.

When I was pregnant with my second I thought if another boy, great I know what I am doing. If a daughter, shopping! For new clothes obviously. I fretted about the baby being a girl as I never had a relationship with my mother and worried ours would be terrible. Now I know stupid but at the time very real.

Nunoftheother · 01/01/2021 20:15

@OlympicProcrastinator

*First of all it's sex, not gender.

Second, count your blessings. Some of us can't have any more DC at all, just be happy to have a healthy baby growing inside you. Maybe cancel the scan if you feel this way. Please*

First of all calling it a ‘sex scan’ would be weird. We all know what a gender scan is fgs.

Secondly, this isn’t the misery olympics and anyone using the fact they are infertile or worse, discussing dead babies to dismiss the feelings of a pregnant woman is a massive twat.

Eh? You're allowed to say, "Some of us can't have any more DC at all, just be happy to have a healthy baby growing inside you," but people who can't have any children aren't allowed to mention it as it's dismissing the OP's feelings? Confused
AlexaPlayWhiteNoise · 01/01/2021 20:15

You are grieving for the girl or boy you could have had. Either way the child you have will be loved and adored. Have a little cry and then focus on little one.

No. No. No. She's not grieving the child she could have had. Because her baby is alive. She's feeling worried and anxious at potential disappointment at the sex of her baby, but she's not grieving.

OP, I think you do need to turn around the scenario and look for the positive in either. Another boy, lovely, you get to reuse the clothes, and he joy that goes with the memories of them. If not and you have a girl, also lovely, a little sister, exciting and one of each. I hope your baby is healthy and you have a good experience.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/01/2021 20:15

I think people have been a little hard here.
Op hasn’t said she doesn’t want a boy.
It’s not like she’s planning to dump him a birth is it. She just has preference for girl. There’s nothing wrong in wanting something, is there. Confused
The only critic I have is When you want to have a baby it has to be because you want a baby regardless of gender. It’s all fine a dandy saying I’m going to TTC for a girl, but There’s no guarantee of getting that baby girl.