To feel crap about gender scan? (Tomorrow)

[Iamthehedgehogqueen]

NC as outing.

Due to have a gender scan with DC2 tomorrow and I’ve been in tears several times today. I’m desperate to know but just feel so crap about finding out.

This will be our last baby, for medical and personal reasons a third is off the cards so it feels so final.

I just want a healthy baby but either way I think I’ll leave the apt tomorrow feeling like we missed out on something.

If it’s a second DS I’ll feel I’ve missed out on a DD (whoever they ended up being I don’t care if they weren’t girly let’s not get into that whole ‘sex not gender debate’) but equally if it is a DD then I’ll lose that lovely image of two boys. DS having a little brother to grow up with.

I think I’ve just spent so much of the last few months imagining both scenarios I’ll feel like I’ve lost something either way! It’s a terrible way to look at it I know!

@AboutACat

If you knew this post would offend you, why did you click on it?

Because I was holding out hope that you had posted on the thread so I could linger on your every word.

That made literally zero sense to me. What do you mean?

Eh? You're allowed to say, "Some of us can't have any more DC at all, just be happy to have a healthy baby growing inside you," but people who can't have any children aren't allowed to mention it as it's dismissing the OP's feelings?

I think the thing about counting your blessings was a quote but the bolding failed.

@phoenixrosehere

YANBU.

I think this is more about it being your last baby than the actual gender.

I also wish the misery competition would end because it’s unhelpful and nasty. OP knows she’s lucky and all, no need to tell her to be grateful or count her blessing and other dismissive bs when she already knows this. Her being able to have children has nothing to do with those who can’t or struggle.

A lot of moms feel this way when it comes to their last pregnancy. I’m pretty sure there are some more helpful and supportive boards out there than aibu.

Good luck with it all

Absolutely.

I can see where you are coming from although I don’t understand how you are feeling this way. You sound really negative when both scenarios are positive? If it’s a girl you have one of each and if it’s a boy you get the two boys growing up together. I think you need to view it in a different light, you are very very fortunate!

I am currently pregnant with my second and this will also be last baby, I didn’t find out the sex last time and won’t this time either, there really is nothing that will ever compare to that feeling of finding out at the birth, if this is your last big surprise then I vote wait until the birth! You’ll be so elated when that baby is placed in your arms all your concerns about their genitals will fade away!

I'm sorry if this sounds short but I think you are massively over thinking the part about it being the 'last' - you need to put that behind you or you won't enjoy anything about the new baby!!! There is a really simple answer to this - just don't find out?!? Or do and see the positive in it?!?

Two boys are great , I found the boys far easier than their sister. Just be happy for your baby.

Oh hun big hugs.

I think you should have the scan 100%
That way you know who is coming and you can mentally prepare.

I really think once you see your baby it will remind you that you actually don't care what the gender is and will love him/ her more than anything!

Let us know

So, you think that all pregnant women exist in a state of complete bliss for the entire nine months? I really don't get your point. OP is upset because she knows she won't get to experience both potential outcomes. That'll be just as true whether she has the scan or not.

and I really don't get your point.. Pregnancy is unique to everyone .. I wasn't questioning the experience of being pregnant.. despite that being jumped on by people like yourself...

I am questioning the purpose of proceeding with the Scan ? whereby the OP's feelings and emotions will not benefit from this knowledge of the Scan result...

I sort of get it because I've had similar feelings but you are definitely looking at it the wrong way and focusing on the negatives here.

We have a DD and if I have a boy in April, I have one of each. She gets a brother (like I had), I have a son and a daughter. Lovely.

If I have a girl. DD gets a sister (like I always wanted growing up) so two girls playing together will be lovely, I get another daughter and the first one turned out pretty fantastic so I'm assuming the next one will too.

Whichever it is we get a new child presumably with their own unique personality which we get to love and watch grow.

I feel like it's a win win and there is no "bad" outcome here. We've opted not to find out, same as we didn't first time around.

@Bumboo

No, I think it’s the trans ideology that landed us all in this wankery. It’s the only reason ‘gender scan’ gets everyone’s backs up now. It was called gender scan because nobody wanted to use the word ‘sex’ as it can mean the adjective as well as the verb. It wasn’t an issue when ‘gender’ was just the politer thing to say.

But it’s not that ‘sex scan’ is a problem to me per say, I just think it’s awful that a pregnant woman who is feeling emotional comes on here for a little support and she gets picked apart for calling it a ‘gender scan’ (which is more than likely what the clinic calls it anyway) followed by the old misery top trumps that MN seems to love so much lately.

The clothes issue is ridiculous. I saved everything and never dressed my 2nd dd in anything my first had because she was a unique person and a few months after birth I got rid of all dd1 stuff as dd2 suited different stuff. You have a baby coming, it's irrelevant what gender it is when it comes to clothes.

@BlueThistles

So, you think that all pregnant women exist in a state of complete bliss for the entire nine months? I really don't get your point. OP is upset because she knows she won't get to experience both potential outcomes. That'll be just as true whether she has the scan or not.

and I really don't get your point.. Pregnancy is unique to everyone .. I wasn't questioning the experience of being pregnant.. despite that being jumped on by people like yourself...

I am questioning the purpose of proceeding with the Scan ? whereby the OP's feelings and emotions will not benefit from this knowledge of the Scan result...

I'd advise her not to have the scan, but OP did provide her reasoning for getting it upthread.

@FestiveStuffing

Eh? You're allowed to say, "Some of us can't have any more DC at all, just be happy to have a healthy baby growing inside you," but people who can't have any children aren't allowed to mention it as it's dismissing the OP's feelings?

I think the thing about counting your blessings was a quote but the bolding failed.

Ah yes, I see now.

Well some people obviously disagree - which is their prerogative; this is AIBU, after all - but clearly I'm not the only childless woman on this thread who is finding it a little galling to read about someone crying that their second healthy child might not be a boy or might not be a girl.

From my perspective it's a bit, "poor me, my diamond shoes are too tight".

I normally hate the misery top trumps thing. It's awful. But if any OP in the last twelve months deserved it, it's this one.

Absolutely...agree with other posters, it’s a win win!

I'd advise her not to have the scan

as I did... upthread

@Meowchickameowmeow

People saying stuff like 'think you're self lucky, I can't have kids' need to have a word with themselves. OP feeling a bit down about things outside her control has nothing to do with your infertility and it's a shitty thing to say.

I came to say this. There’s always a number of posters willing to tear down an OP and say, “I wish I had your ‘problems’, insert irrelevant misery here.”

No, I think it’s the trans ideology that landed us all in this wankery. It’s the only reason ‘gender scan’ gets everyone’s backs up now.

No, it was people thinking sex and gender were interchangeable terms that landed us all in this confused mess. There was never a 'gender' check, yiu cannot check for something that doesn't physically exist.

@AboutACat

That made me actually lol, on a thread where so much else is total twattery.

OP, get the scan, don’t get the scan. You’re being unreasonable because caring about someone’s sex, let alone your own unborn child’s, is really dumb. Being sad about not having another baby is another matter. Don’t conflate the two and fgs reuse perfectly good clothes or by the time your kids grow up, the Earth will be in even more trouble than it is now.

Sometimes I think being sad over something not happening again ruins this time. Why are you spending all your pregnancy sad about the fact you won’t get another one?!
Just bloody enjoy this one

First of all calling it a ‘sex scan’ would be weird.

You are so right. It should, of course, be a sexing scan.

If it’s a girl DS will have a sister to love and adore him. If it’s a son DS has a brother to love and adore him.

Life is all about missed opportunities if you view it that way. You can't do everything and having one thing often means not having another. If you see the positive you'd see that you're gaining something not losing.