To feel crap about gender scan? (Tomorrow)

[Iamthehedgehogqueen]

NC as outing.

Due to have a gender scan with DC2 tomorrow and I’ve been in tears several times today. I’m desperate to know but just feel so crap about finding out.

This will be our last baby, for medical and personal reasons a third is off the cards so it feels so final.

I just want a healthy baby but either way I think I’ll leave the apt tomorrow feeling like we missed out on something.

If it’s a second DS I’ll feel I’ve missed out on a DD (whoever they ended up being I don’t care if they weren’t girly let’s not get into that whole ‘sex not gender debate’) but equally if it is a DD then I’ll lose that lovely image of two boys. DS having a little brother to grow up with.

I think I’ve just spent so much of the last few months imagining both scenarios I’ll feel like I’ve lost something either way! It’s a terrible way to look at it I know!

Well it’s got to be one or the other! Seriously don’t do it if it’s going to upset you. I think you need to be handed a very gentle grip too!

@Remmy123

No I really don’t. Today I cried at the thought of not getting to reuse DS’s gorgeous clothes! I’ve packed them all up so carefully and they are so lovely.

I felt the same OP, maybe the second child is always bittersweet. I have a DS, and found out recently that we’ll be having a DD. Super excited of course, but a bit wistful that DS won’t have a brother. I’m sure we’ll feel differently once the babies arrive!

You don’t have to find out. You know that. And loads of us will only have one and are incredibly grateful for that, whatever genitals the child has...

Why can't you use his clothes? Babies don't give a crap what clothes they wear.

Op I think you've nailed why quite a few people are disappointed after gender scans even if they didn't think they cared one way or the other. It's like schroedinger's sex, finding out shuts off one of the possibilities so you feel that "loss" of imagining either way!

I don't think you're that unusual except that you've actually articulated it. I felt a bit funny after my second one, but give it a few days and you'll be right again.

If it’s a second DS I’ll feel I’ve missed out on a DD... but equally if it is a DD then I’ll lose that lovely image of two boys. DS having a little brother to grow up with.

Why not flip this? If it's a DS, great you have the lovely image of two boys, and DS has a brother to grow up with.

If it's a DD you have gained the opportunity to have a daughter.

Either way is great.
I have 2 daughters and certainly don't feel like I missed out on having a boy. I also waited to find out until the birth, then you're just overwhelmed with having a new baby and no time to overthink it.

Try counting your blessings.

I actually can't believe this is a problem, and I thought the thread with the missing pillow cases was bad .
Crying over a gender reveal scan over a much wanted baby sorry but yabvvvu give your head a wobble .
Enjoy it , it is exciting news honestly you are going to make yourself ill with this nonsense.

[quote Iamthehedgehogqueen]@Remmy123

No I really don’t. Today I cried at the thought of not getting to reuse DS’s gorgeous clothes! I’ve packed them all up so carefully and they are so lovely.[/quote]
Again, flip this. You could get to choose lots of lovely clothes for your second baby if they're a girl and you dont want to reuse boy clothes. And then you can pass on the boys clothes to a new family who will also love them. You just to change your mindset to be more positive, which is harder said than done.

*easier said than done

Try not to find the cloudy wrapping around every lump of silver, OP! Either way it’s a lovely thing and you’re going to love this little baby so much. Your DH sounds as if he’s making you worse too, saying it’s weird it’s the last time you’ll find out the sex, tell him that’s not helpful.

If it’s sadness that you won’t have any more, that’s different of course, but even then, you don’t know what it’s like with two yet!

Ah op I don’t think you are being unreasonable. You are sad that tomorrow is that last gender/sex scan. I have 2 and I know we just can’t manage a 3rd plus the baby stage kills me on one hand. But on the other hand I yearn for the 3rd addition to our family and sometimes I feel sad it will never be. Plus you have hormones.

YABU. Gender is not a 'thing', and you do not 'miss out' on anything by having both of the same or different sex. When will we stop with this silly belief that the type of person one will be, or the relationships they'll have with their parents is determined by what chromosomes/genitals they have?

I know what you mean a little bit. When you don't know what you're having, you hold 2 potential babies/scenarios in your mind and when you find out what you're having you lose the other one. But it sounds like this is making you really unhappy?

But can you reframe it as a win either way? Sounds like you could be happy with either gender? I prayed I would get the child I was meant to have and this helped me.

Be kind to yourself, it's hard being pregnant in a pandemic and there's a lot of emotion!

Why don’t you just not find out? I won’t with my next (and last) I did for DS.

I know I won’t care one bit when I’ve been handed my new baby but I think I’d over think if I knew.

Also, clothes really are the smallest part of having a baby. Not a reason to be happy or disappointed with the sex!!

You're being a bit silly. I can understand some of the posters who are a bit upset they'll be having a second boy or girl, so won't experience the other, but you're upset about both? Having two boys doesn't automatically mean they'll get along either.

Yes find out! It'll help you prepare! I have two ds and finding out DS2 was a boy was strange. Like you I had thoughts of having two boys or a boy and a girl! I think in my heart I wanted another boy, I had a feeling it would be another boy and at the scan we found out it was! But because we knew this was our final baby I came out of the scan feeling disappointed I'd never experience having a daughter! But it didn't last long, I think those feelings are normal when you know it's your last. Find out, and come back tomorrow and let us know, I bet once it sinks in you'll be thrilled either way!

[quote Iamthehedgehogqueen]@Remmy123

No I really don’t. Today I cried at the thought of not getting to reuse DS’s gorgeous clothes! I’ve packed them all up so carefully and they are so lovely.[/quote]
But you could use them. Babies don't care what they're dressed in. I'm sure some of his clothes would be nice on a DD.

You don’t have to find out 🤷🏼‍♀️

Pregnancy hormones are a nightmare. You will either have the joy of parenting a girl or the joy of 2 boys. Either way your family will be full of love.