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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU? Help settle an argument

196 replies

Confusedmelon · 31/12/2020 12:26

My DP came to spend 8 days with me over Xmas (we are in a bubble) and came by train. He is upset I wouldn't pick him up and drop him off at the train station and thinks I'm being selfish.

From my POV, the station is 0.6 miles from my house (a 10 minute walk) and it's a massive pain in the arse to have to move my car for such a short drive (4 minutes) that can be so easily walked. He is a fit and able 32 year old man and I personally would walk if I needed to use the train.

Parking is tight and I have to reverse out onto a busy road with limited vision. Getting back into my very tight parking space is stressful (I'm not great at parking) and essentially parking wars on my street as I often come back to a neighbours visitor parked in my space after a short trip out and its a nightmare to find out who's car it is and to find another space. I'd also had a few glasses of wine on the day he left so especially didn't want to drive. I explained this to him but we had abit of a "do" on the phone last night as he still thinks I'm being unreasonable.

To be honest, I find the fact that he is making an issue of this quite unattractive. I spent the whole time he was here cooking, cleaning, bringing him drinks, buying thoughtful gifts etc. He did help out a bit but essentially he was a guest in my home and I treated him as such but because I wouldn't drive him to the station, I didn't treat him well enough according to him.

He is generally a kind, thoughtful person which is why I'm struggling to see his view on this. I know its petty but it's making me feel the ick for him.

Am I a selfish cow and WIBU for not ferrying him back and forth?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 31/12/2020 12:29

It was a bit mean yes. I don't think I'd make the effort to visit again.

Terracottasaur · 31/12/2020 12:31

Yanbu, he’s being precious.

BackwardsGoing · 31/12/2020 12:31

I would have walked up to the station and met him. It's romantic to be met at a station Smile and you could have helped to carry things.

Blanca87 · 31/12/2020 12:32

If you had been drinking then he is very unreasonable. I would never feel entitled to lift by someone even if they were my partner.

EloraaDanan · 31/12/2020 12:32

Having once spent the best part of year going backwards and forwards on trains to see my then DP, I would have been rather upset if he hadn’t met me at the station too. It’s the little things and I used to look forward to seeing his face at the platform more than anything. If driving is a hassle why didn’t you walk up there to meet him and walk back together?

Rainbowx · 31/12/2020 12:33

This ⬆️

JillofTrades · 31/12/2020 12:33

I agree with him that you should have met him at the station. However to be still going on about this, he is behaving like a brat.

Slipper2 · 31/12/2020 12:33

I would have walked to meet him/see him off but not taken the car for a 4 min drive unless he had a lot of heavy luggage.

HeyMister · 31/12/2020 12:34

I'm 50/50. YANBU as you had a couple of drinks but YABU coming up with lots of excuses not to pick him up.

Spied · 31/12/2020 12:34

I think but would have been good manners to have picked him up from the station and refrained from drinking so you could run him to the station on his departure when he had made the effort to come to you by train.
Your hosting etc isn't really anything to do with it.
Imagine if he'd asked you to pick him up from home so he didn't have to get the trainShock

EggysMom · 31/12/2020 12:35

He came to stay, did he have much to carry? BIL (bubble) came to stay with us for 4 nights, he had five bags in total as he was bringing gifts, there's no way he'd have managed to walk any distance with those!

Justnormajean · 31/12/2020 12:35

Did he arrive and depart laden with gifts perhaps, rather than just a case?

Bluntness100 · 31/12/2020 12:35

I’d also have walked to meet him or went and collected. Obvs not if you’d been drinking. But if sober, yes, I’d have made an effort.

satnighttakeaway · 31/12/2020 12:35

I would have walked to the station, expecting you to get him in the car is ridiculous unless you've missed that he has a disability that makes walking difficult

Stompythedinosaur · 31/12/2020 12:36

I think it is a bit mean not to have met him when he'd made the effort to travel to you.

Leeds2 · 31/12/2020 12:36

You were not being at all unreasonable not to drive him if you had had a drink. As others have said, I would've walked to the station to meet him instead.

Chamomileteaplease · 31/12/2020 12:36

Well you were right not to drive after the wine.

It does seem mean of him to focus on this when you say you had him to stay for 8 days and treated him like a guest ie looked after him well.

But I agree with others, if you had met him on foot from the station, that would have been an win win surely?

(And walked to see him off too)

formerbabe · 31/12/2020 12:38

Yabu

I'd expect a lift if it was me and I'd happily drop off and pick up too.

Dh and I always drive each other to the station if one of is going somewhere.

formerbabe · 31/12/2020 12:39

Although obviously if you've been drinking, you were right not to.

WhyHelloJiiilll · 31/12/2020 12:39

You had had a few glasses of wine on the day he was leaving so you definitely couldn't drive that leg. I would have walked both times to meet him and then say goodbye again at the station.

myhobbyisouting · 31/12/2020 12:44

YABU for not meeting him and waving him off.

MadeForThis · 31/12/2020 12:47

He wants you to drink and drive? Loser.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 31/12/2020 12:54

half a mile?
definitely not needing a lift unless weighed down by stacks of heavy bulky Christmas gifts for you

and v unreasonable to even think you'd drive after a few drinks.

KarmaStar · 31/12/2020 12:54

I would have collected him or met him and held off drinking during the day so I could drop him back.
Too many excuses op.

Mydogissnooring · 31/12/2020 12:55

Why would either of you even consider driving when you had been drinking?