WIBU? Help settle an argument

[Confusedmelon]

My DP came to spend 8 days with me over Xmas (we are in a bubble) and came by train. He is upset I wouldn't pick him up and drop him off at the train station and thinks I'm being selfish.

From my POV, the station is 0.6 miles from my house (a 10 minute walk) and it's a massive pain in the arse to have to move my car for such a short drive (4 minutes) that can be so easily walked. He is a fit and able 32 year old man and I personally would walk if I needed to use the train.

Parking is tight and I have to reverse out onto a busy road with limited vision. Getting back into my very tight parking space is stressful (I'm not great at parking) and essentially parking wars on my street as I often come back to a neighbours visitor parked in my space after a short trip out and its a nightmare to find out who's car it is and to find another space. I'd also had a few glasses of wine on the day he left so especially didn't want to drive. I explained this to him but we had abit of a "do" on the phone last night as he still thinks I'm being unreasonable.

To be honest, I find the fact that he is making an issue of this quite unattractive. I spent the whole time he was here cooking, cleaning, bringing him drinks, buying thoughtful gifts etc. He did help out a bit but essentially he was a guest in my home and I treated him as such but because I wouldn't drive him to the station, I didn't treat him well enough according to him.

He is generally a kind, thoughtful person which is why I'm struggling to see his view on this. I know its petty but it's making me feel the ick for him.

Am I a selfish cow and WIBU for not ferrying him back and forth?

It takes about an 90 minutes on public transport, door-to-door, from my house to Heathrow. And that's how I always make the trip, when travelling alone. But DW, the entitled non-driver in my life, will think I'm selfish if I don't make a three to four hour round-trip to drop her off and pick her up, when she's travelling alone. Not just her, but any visitor she volunteers me to drive. There have been a couple of occasions where the trip was more than four hours in one direction, due to west London traffic chaos, one of those was a drop-off where arrival at Heathrow was 20 minutes before take-off time of a 12-hour flight. The incredible amount of stress caused by a car journey that took two hours longer than expected, when public transport would have got her there with hours to spare, still makes me angry, years later.

Well done op, happy new year!

Well done for dumping him OP...great start to the new year for you .

Also take no notice of some of the posters on this thread...its totally obvious that they themselves are totally oblivious, selfish CF's..

I think he sounds childish, a 10 minute walk is fine for a healthy, fit person, even with a suitcase. It’s not like a standard train journey is even onerous. After being sat for a couple of hours, why wouldn’t you want to stretch your legs and get in some fresh air? Imagine being that unfit. We’re not all couch potatoes that are exercise-phobic!

I have done similar walks to OP’s ex many times. I’m early 20s and live in London. Pre-pandemic I would take trains more than I would use my car as it was cheaper not to drive everywhere. I spent the past few years visiting different cities frequently via train too, especially before I started driving. Worst case scenario, I would get Uber and not expect my friends to reimburse me.

Yes, it’s cute being picked up at the station, but I wouldn’t expect anyone to meet me on the platform as they’d have to buy a ticket to enter? It’s like some of you aren’t even aware of the realities of train travel.

8 fucking days and he brought nothing!!

And then didn't say "oh I'll get this" to the takeaway!

I'd be expecting a case of wine and a contribution. He's had a very cheap Xmas hasn't he.

Tight is very unattractive.

💯 correct decision OP.

@Confusedmelon

Thanks everyone. His response was "I guess we should take a break so you don't have to feed me for a while"

Fuck that

Are you sure he knows its over, or is he going to reappear in March demanding to know when you've stopped sulking?

Well my reply to him saying about a break was "Yes, permanently. Its over". Hopefully that gets the message through. It's only on one tick so either his phone is off or I'm blocked.

I'm really shocked how I saw him as such a great guy. He's great in comparison to many dodgy exes but he's still abit shit really isn't he?

OP he's a man-child and a tight-fisted one at that.

God knows what you saw in him, but at least it didn't take long for you to catch on.

Pretending to be nice is more confusing for you than being when they are openly nasty. It can make it harder to spot how shit its become, and make you question yourself.

I think he was expecting you to be his replacement Mum!

Yep, massive sense of entitlement going on. Dodged a bullet imo op.

OP,

Mean and selfish.

8 days of eating and drinking at your expense, ffs.

OP, meanness is really easy to spot.
Focus on why you allowed yourself be used like this.

Meanness goes to the very core of a person's character.
It is a really early red flag with anyone as to someone who will willingly take advantage of another person.

Thank you all. Yes, im still very much practicing boundaries and enforcing them. I'd started to get the ick whilst he was here but put it down to spending too much time together as he did do some bits around the house for me.

I was also abit annoyed that he didn't even bring a token gift for DS's since we were together Xmas morning, just a stocking filler or something. I can't imagine roles being reversed and not bringing anything if he had DC.

Oh and I'd previously mentioned lack of romance and he turned up with train station flowers. I know it sounds ungrateful but just shows he really doesn't understand romance either and lack of effort on his part.

It did feel abit like I should be grateful for his presence.

I absolutely do not drive if I’ve even had one drink, so YADefinitlyNBU on that count. I probably would have walked to meet him and/or walked him back to the station, though.

I think he’s being a bit of a baby tbh. Who doesn’t walk anywhere up to 20 min just as a matter of course? I certainly do...

Oh I have just seen your update.

Once the ick sets in it’s over so I’m glad you’ve ended it. His attitude was shit too, with his having a break comment.

Honestly the train thing is neither here nor there.

I just cannot imagine turning up to anyone's house for the entire Xmas with literally nothing. No decent person does that. Takers do that.

So he brought no clothes or toiletries or anything? What did he wear for the eight days?

Interesting to see how controversial this is. Maybe the difference of opinion comes down to how familiar a person is with walking to and from stations. For us Londoners it's something we do multiple times a day so the idea of him needing to be picked up seems bizarre, whereas for people in rural areas who drive everywhere its more novel and that's why they think he should have been picked up.

I'm depressed people think it's normal to not pick up guests with bags from the train station. What I've learned is that some people weren't raised with the same basic courtesy and rules of social engagement as I have. I've always been taught that you greet your guests at the airport or the train station or the bus station. Always. Especially if they've been travelling two hours. What is that, that some people don't understand? It seems some weren't raised with the same basic manners. Perhaps that explains behavioural standards and manners or lackthereof today. hmm

I think you are being ridiculous- if I go to visit my daughter in London (in normal times) I spend an hour and a half on the train, another hour probably tube and train from there, and 10 minutes walk to her house. I would not expect to be met unless I had some very exceptional luggage - I would be embarrassed, I am perfectly capable of walking it. I would expect her to meet her grandma, or possibly someone who didn’t know the way, otherwise it’s a waste of petrol. ‘Manners’ do not trump common sense

I think PP have a point about this maybe being a city/London thing - I have friends all over London (and people I’ve dated) and not once have any of us met each other at a station.