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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU? Help settle an argument

196 replies

Confusedmelon · 31/12/2020 12:26

My DP came to spend 8 days with me over Xmas (we are in a bubble) and came by train. He is upset I wouldn't pick him up and drop him off at the train station and thinks I'm being selfish.

From my POV, the station is 0.6 miles from my house (a 10 minute walk) and it's a massive pain in the arse to have to move my car for such a short drive (4 minutes) that can be so easily walked. He is a fit and able 32 year old man and I personally would walk if I needed to use the train.

Parking is tight and I have to reverse out onto a busy road with limited vision. Getting back into my very tight parking space is stressful (I'm not great at parking) and essentially parking wars on my street as I often come back to a neighbours visitor parked in my space after a short trip out and its a nightmare to find out who's car it is and to find another space. I'd also had a few glasses of wine on the day he left so especially didn't want to drive. I explained this to him but we had abit of a "do" on the phone last night as he still thinks I'm being unreasonable.

To be honest, I find the fact that he is making an issue of this quite unattractive. I spent the whole time he was here cooking, cleaning, bringing him drinks, buying thoughtful gifts etc. He did help out a bit but essentially he was a guest in my home and I treated him as such but because I wouldn't drive him to the station, I didn't treat him well enough according to him.

He is generally a kind, thoughtful person which is why I'm struggling to see his view on this. I know its petty but it's making me feel the ick for him.

Am I a selfish cow and WIBU for not ferrying him back and forth?

OP posts:

Bookworming · 31/12/2020 13:35

Yanbu and could t on the way back as you'd have some wine!

Whoever said you shouldn't of had wine and driven him to the station because you were hosting!

It's ops holiday too
He should've had the good grace to say don't sport it's a 10 min walk
He could've got a taxi

Orf1abc · 31/12/2020 13:39

You sound very cold. You should have walked to the station with him, the fact that you didn't even think of that is quite bizarre.

Time to call it a day and find someone more compatible cold.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 31/12/2020 13:43

@Orf1abc

You sound very cold. You should have walked to the station with him, the fact that you didn't even think of that is quite bizarre.

Time to call it a day and find someone more compatible cold.

Cold? The OP waited on him hand and foot for 8 days? 8 Days! For goodness sake, he isn't a little boy that needs walking to the station! He is a grown up who after being looked after for 8 days could probably manage to get himself to his train home while the OP relaxed after hosting!

Chloemol · 31/12/2020 13:45

By all means walk to the station to meet him, but a 10 minute walk is not going to be worth getting the car out, think if the environment!

Just tell him to grow upon

Limosa · 31/12/2020 13:46

YABU I think you should have met him at the station. I don't drive and live half a mile from a station and would always walk down to meet guests and then to wave them off. Like you say, the walk is nothing so it's polite and a nice gesture to meet someone like that. After a long journey it is lovely to be greeted by a familiar face.

Looneytune253 · 31/12/2020 13:49

Could you have not met him on foot?

OrigamiParrot · 31/12/2020 13:51

Definitely not unreasonable to not drive if you’d had a drink. How long have you been together OP?

Theunamedcat · 31/12/2020 13:52

A ten minute walk? Fml how lazy and unattractive of him

NancyPickford · 31/12/2020 13:55

He sounds spoiled and lazy. Eight days of being waited on hand and foot yet whinges because he had 10 minute walk all by himself.

Beautiful3 · 31/12/2020 13:55

You could have walked there? Seems a little mean not to pick up and drop off. We used to live somewhere with limited parking too. But you can't stop driving places just because of losing a parking spot! Just park in the next road if you have to!

Thelnebriati · 31/12/2020 13:55

If he cant walk for 10 minutes, there's this marvelous invention called a ''taxi''.

Dozer · 31/12/2020 13:58

Not being good at parking, disliking manouvring onto the road and hassle of moving the car are poor reasons not to pick someone up. Loss of the parking space would be irritating, especially if nearest space wasn’t close by, but still not a great reason.

YABVU for your stance on drink driving - perhaps the wording.

VeganCow · 31/12/2020 14:12

is he normally a sulker/complainer? How petty, would put me right off especially considering the nice way he was treated as a guest.

Mydogissnooring · 31/12/2020 14:12

He’s not exactly a catch if he lets his girlfriend cater to him for 8 days, and not contribute with anything. It’s her holiday too. Very unromantic (for those of you who think she was not romantic enough to wave goodbye to him at the train station) and unattractive. OP you deserve better than that.

BackwardsGoing · 31/12/2020 14:19

Sounds like you went OTT to cater for him and feel unappreciated. Also sounds like he is a bit of an arse and you don't really like each other enough.

nosswith · 31/12/2020 14:39

What a caring person you are for the environment to not make a short car journey for something that can be walked. How considerate to want someone to have some simple exercise and not become a fat slob.

Unlike your DP.

Original poster

Confusedmelon · 31/12/2020 14:42

OK, been together 9 months and this was our first Xmas (and longest time spent together). I know it should be all cutesy at this stage of dating but to be honest, I was annoyed how little he helped out, complained that my roast beef was bland and left beer cans lying about when he left. I don't think he was being deliberately inconsiderate but yes it grated on me and felt like another teen in the house at times (e.g putting plates of food next to dishwasher rather than loading, putting full bin bags next to the kitchen bin for me to take outside etc. He made me one coffee in the whole 8 days whereas I was making him drinks and cooking etc. everyday. I enjoyed it for the first few days but it then became annoying (and reminded me somewhat of useless exH which is where I think the Ick is coming from).

I lived in London for 3 years and walked further than that to the tube and back every day. I wouldn't expect to be met at the station and it does feel childish that he can't make that journey alone without whining about it. I know its not romantic of me but he hardly made me feel like being romantic by the time he left.

Reversing in is even more difficult, as the main road is narrow and cars parked either side with poor visibility. Ironically the next closest parking space to my house is probably by the station

OP posts:

bluebeck · 31/12/2020 14:43

YANBU

I would only drive somewhere that was a ten minute walk away if it was pouring with rain, and certainly wouldn't after drinking. He sounds like a spoilt brat.

I do think it is nice to be met at the station and though and I probably would have walked down to meet him and see him off.

I would bin any man who expected me to drink drive.

EloraaDanan · 31/12/2020 14:50

He’s not “The One” OP. You both have very different experience rations from the relationship. Time to call it a day I think.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 31/12/2020 14:52

He should have been doing everything he could to help out. He has shown you who he is. Listen.

billy1966 · 31/12/2020 15:03

OP,

YABU to have made such a skivvy of yourself for 8 days.

Why the hell would you be so desperate for such a selfish lazy, and mean man.

8 days eating and drinking at your expense🙄.

Where is your self respect.

OhCaptain · 31/12/2020 15:06

You’d been drinking so you couldn’t drive him.

I don’t know why a grown person has to be “walked” anywhere. So the sending off thing is ridiculous!

SimplyRadishing · 31/12/2020 15:06

Yanbu
Unless he brought and/or received and hence had to carry crazy massive/heavy gifts he is being ridiculous.

I would however have walked and met him at the station and same upon departure.

Original poster

Confusedmelon · 31/12/2020 15:13

@billy1966, he isn't generally a mean and selfish person. We are both Aspies and I don't think he "gets it" or even considered that he was being a pain.

I treated him like I would any other guest (I e cooking etc.) however I didn't expect him to do so little considering it was for 8 days. I'm NHS and knackered so wanted to enjoy my leave too.

I don't get why I need to walk a grown adult anywhere but can see it would be considered romantic to do so. The expectation to do so is what I find unattractive.

OP posts:

Runnerduck34 · 31/12/2020 15:27

I was going to say yabu until i read it was a 10 minute walk and parking is a nightmare. Did he have heavy bags etc?
I think it would have been nice to meet him and walk with him to and from the station, obviously you couldn't drive for return trip.if you had been drinking.
Sounds like you made a lot of effort while he was with you so i think he is bu to focus repeatedly on this one thing.
On another note would parking lessons wiith a driving instructor help? I say this as someone who hates parking! If it got to the point i didnt want to use my car because i wasn't confident about parking outside my house i think it would be worth having a few lessons

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