WIBU? Help settle an argument

[Confusedmelon]

My DP came to spend 8 days with me over Xmas (we are in a bubble) and came by train. He is upset I wouldn't pick him up and drop him off at the train station and thinks I'm being selfish.

From my POV, the station is 0.6 miles from my house (a 10 minute walk) and it's a massive pain in the arse to have to move my car for such a short drive (4 minutes) that can be so easily walked. He is a fit and able 32 year old man and I personally would walk if I needed to use the train.

Parking is tight and I have to reverse out onto a busy road with limited vision. Getting back into my very tight parking space is stressful (I'm not great at parking) and essentially parking wars on my street as I often come back to a neighbours visitor parked in my space after a short trip out and its a nightmare to find out who's car it is and to find another space. I'd also had a few glasses of wine on the day he left so especially didn't want to drive. I explained this to him but we had abit of a "do" on the phone last night as he still thinks I'm being unreasonable.

To be honest, I find the fact that he is making an issue of this quite unattractive. I spent the whole time he was here cooking, cleaning, bringing him drinks, buying thoughtful gifts etc. He did help out a bit but essentially he was a guest in my home and I treated him as such but because I wouldn't drive him to the station, I didn't treat him well enough according to him.

He is generally a kind, thoughtful person which is why I'm struggling to see his view on this. I know its petty but it's making me feel the ick for him.

Am I a selfish cow and WIBU for not ferrying him back and forth?

No wonder the planet is fucked

[quote Bookworming]@PurpleFlower1983 except she didn't drink before meeting him, she (shock horror) had a drink the day he was leaving!

She was his partner, not his chauffeur! She's not the hired help she doesn't have to be at his beck and call! [/quote]
Exactly, his partner, and most people would meet their partner at the train station, especially after 2 hours of travelling! (If he travelled 20 mins it might be different). That is the normal thing to do. It stuns me that this even needs explaining! They were supposed to love each other and care about each other, but the OP seems colder than ice and like no one has explained to her basic concepts of social engagement.

So next time a woman on here writes that her boyfriend/partner never picks her up at the train station, expects her to pack luggage for 8 days plus a laptop, has to travel for at least 2 hours including one change over, and neve bothers to greet her at that station, expects her to walk 10 mins and her boyfriend can't even care enough to meet her to pick her up, I'll remember this thread and see if any of the commenters on here post that the man is a selfish bastard. We all know if it were a woman who had packed for 8 days holiday, and a laptop as well, the results would be very, very different. I'll bookmark this thread, in fact. I'm actually quite stunned at some of the responses. It's just common sense and courtesy isn't it? Apparently not.

Nah yanbu op. He sounds like a cocklodger in the making. Well done on dumping, keep them boundaries and standards going in to 2021!!

You've definitely made the right decision. While it could have been nice to walk with him, then who would walk you home after you'd dropped him at the station?! His entitlement and whining would have put me off too.

@villamariavintrapp She knew he had to go back that day. If she hadn't been drinking, she could have drove him there and drove herself back. No need for her to 'walk home' (not that it should be a problem for her to walk back herself, given people on here think it's no big deal for someone to walk 10 minutes by themselves with heavy bags) by herself.

I would have picked him up 100%!! It's the least you can do.

@Cokie3 he's going to his partners to be waited on hand and foot for 8 days! No financial contribution. Sitting on his arse. No "I'll do this be of the 24 meals required", and you think OP is cold?

He knew all this, because it's the way he always behaves.

Honestly the way some of you fawn over men is ridiculous, then come on here bleating about them.

I’m depressed at the number of people who think it’s normal to get the car out for a journey that takes 10 minutes on foot. Have we really learned nothing?

@Cokie3 how many times had OP no heavy bags involved!

Really glad you dumped him. He sounds lazy and thoughtless.

I'll bookmark this thread, in fact. I'm actually quite stunned at some of the responses. It's just common sense and courtesy isn't it?

@Cokie3

So next time a woman on here writes that her boyfriend/partner never picks her up at the train station, expects her to pack luggage for 8 days plus a laptop, has to travel for at least 2 hours including one change over, and neve bothers to greet her at that station, expects her to walk 10 mins and her boyfriend can't even care enough to meet her to pick her up, I'll remember this thread and see if any of the commenters on here post that the man is a selfish bastard. We all know if it were a woman who had packed for 8 days holiday, and a laptop as well, the results would be very, very different. I'll bookmark this thread, in fact. I'm actually quite stunned at some of the responses. It's just common sense and courtesy isn't it? Apparently not.

I don’t drive so have to get the train whenever I visit anyone in a different town/city - never have I expected to be picked up, especially if it was only a 10 min walk! If I wouldn’t think to meet people at the station why would I expect it? I am a woman btw.

@Cokie3

So next time a woman on here writes that her boyfriend/partner never picks her up at the train station, expects her to pack luggage for 8 days plus a laptop, has to travel for at least 2 hours including one change over, and neve bothers to greet her at that station, expects her to walk 10 mins and her boyfriend can't even care enough to meet her to pick her up, I'll remember this thread and see if any of the commenters on here post that the man is a selfish bastard. We all know if it were a woman who had packed for 8 days holiday, and a laptop as well, the results would be very, very different. I'll bookmark this thread, in fact. I'm actually quite stunned at some of the responses. It's just common sense and courtesy isn't it? Apparently not.

None of those tasks are remotely onerous for a functioning adult. My 13 year old could manage that without any help. If he really didn't want to walk he could have taken a cab. But it was 10 minutes, bit lazy to trouble a cabbie for the sake of a 0.6 mile stroll.

He was then waited on hand and foot for 8 days, spending neither time nor effort nor money on feeding and looking after himself. The insisting on a lift feels more like a pattern of entitled behaviour rather than any mistake on OP's part.

I’m depressed at the number of people who think it’s normal to get the car out for a journey that takes 10 minutes on foot. Have we really learned nothing?

Well bloody said! Honestly if this was another post OP would've been called lazy etc for taking the car!

[quote Bookworming]@Cokie3 he's going to his partners to be waited on hand and foot for 8 days! No financial contribution. Sitting on his arse. No "I'll do this be of the 24 meals required", and you think OP is cold?

He knew all this, because it's the way he always behaves.

Honestly the way some of you fawn over men is ridiculous, then come on here bleating about them. [/quote]
You are clearly reading something that is not there.

OP said he helped out a bit. And, that He is generally a kind, thoughtful person

She then later changes to he didn't load the dishwasher, he didn't scrape the plates, and any other slight infraction that she can think of. Not sure where you get "because it's the way he always behaves" from that, perhaps you are projecting, either way, you are inventing a narrative that the OP's first post doesn't give reason to.

No fawning from me, on the contrary, the way you are excusing the OP's behaviour, just to justify your take on the partner is quite ridiculous! Forget for a moment that this is man vs woman, and consider it an issue of basic human manners and courtesy. You pick up someone who has been travelling TWO HOURS to see you, with a change over in between. Regardless of whether they are carrying bags or not. Add in the bags, it's just rude and ill-mannered.

The infractions of the man, DO NOT EXCUSE the OP's rude behaviour. Nothing you can say, can excuse the OP's behaviour. One does not justify the other! That's what you don't understand. It's like you've decided that the partner is in the wrong so you have to minimise the OP's behaviour and inflate the partner's behaviour to justify the narrative you have created.

Can't they BOTH be rude and badly behaved, at the same time? Must it be one over the other?

[quote Bookworming]**@Cokie3* how many times had OP no heavy bags involved!* [/quote]
Did the OP lift them up to check if they were heavy?

He packed for an 8 day holiday. And he had a laptop bag. And a gift.

Common sense.

@Wimpeyspread

I’m depressed at the number of people who think it’s normal to get the car out for a journey that takes 10 minutes on foot. Have we really learned nothing?

I'm depressed people think it's normal to not pick up guests with bags from the train station. What I've learned is that some people weren't raised with the same basic courtesy and rules of social engagement as I have. I've always been taught that you greet your guests at the airport or the train station or the bus station. Always. Especially if they've been travelling two hours. What is that, that some people don't understand? It seems some weren't raised with the same basic manners. Perhaps that explains behavioural standards and manners or lackthereof today.

I remember when getting a 3ish hour journey to see a friend when disabled and 6/7m pregnant. It was quite hard and I remember crying when I arrived just with relief (v unlike me). I was willing to walk the 15 minutes from the tube and couldn’t see the point in the friend I was visiting walking to the station to meet me on foot.

YANBU OP. His behaviour over Christmas was very poor, so complaining about a minor disappointment really adds insult to injury.

Did the OP lift them up to check if they were heavy?

You're the exP aren't you @Cokie3 ?

Perhaps as he was staying in the OPs home, he didn't take eight days clothes? Perhaps he did some laundry? The gift was make up, not encyclopaedias!

The OP says he is a fit man!

Give a lazy fucker a lift to the station after he's done nothing for 8 days, nope not from me!

Does he drive???

Your parking and getting in and out of your road sounds like a nightmare and I complete get why you didn't want to and it was a 10 minute walk!!!

He sounds entitled and it does sound like dumping him was for the best.

@Bookworming

I’m depressed at the number of people who think it’s normal to get the car out for a journey that takes 10 minutes on foot. Have we really learned nothing?

Well bloody said! Honestly if this was another post OP would've been called lazy etc for taking the car!

Oh give over! No one would be called 'lazy' for picking up a guest from the train station, especially one who was staying for 8 days and thus had luggage, who had travelled for two hours with a change over. Not any body's normal language. wtf am I reading?

Putting "two hours" in caps doesn't make the time longer, nor does make it harder to sit on your arse on a train watching the world go by while your gf shops, cooks and tidies for your visit.

@Bookworming

Did the OP lift them up to check if they were heavy?

You're the exP aren't you @Cokie3 ?

Perhaps as he was staying in the OPs home, he didn't take eight days clothes? Perhaps he did some laundry? The gift was make up, not encyclopaedias!

The OP says he is a fit man!

Give a lazy fucker a lift to the station after he's done nothing for 8 days, nope not from me!

You're the OP under another name, aren't you @Bookworming ? That would explain your over the top defence of her.

A person goes away for 8 days. They take clothes. If he did some laundry, the drip-feeding OP would have said that. Regardless if a person is fit or not, there are still moral and decent rules of social engagement. The OP is the lazy one here.

@Bookworming Surely in a relationship it’s the romantic/kind thing to do though? Even if she had walked with him. The little things can be important. I think meeting him would have been the polite thing to do and I’m entitled to my opinion.