WIBU? Help settle an argument

[Confusedmelon]

My DP came to spend 8 days with me over Xmas (we are in a bubble) and came by train. He is upset I wouldn't pick him up and drop him off at the train station and thinks I'm being selfish.

From my POV, the station is 0.6 miles from my house (a 10 minute walk) and it's a massive pain in the arse to have to move my car for such a short drive (4 minutes) that can be so easily walked. He is a fit and able 32 year old man and I personally would walk if I needed to use the train.

Parking is tight and I have to reverse out onto a busy road with limited vision. Getting back into my very tight parking space is stressful (I'm not great at parking) and essentially parking wars on my street as I often come back to a neighbours visitor parked in my space after a short trip out and its a nightmare to find out who's car it is and to find another space. I'd also had a few glasses of wine on the day he left so especially didn't want to drive. I explained this to him but we had abit of a "do" on the phone last night as he still thinks I'm being unreasonable.

To be honest, I find the fact that he is making an issue of this quite unattractive. I spent the whole time he was here cooking, cleaning, bringing him drinks, buying thoughtful gifts etc. He did help out a bit but essentially he was a guest in my home and I treated him as such but because I wouldn't drive him to the station, I didn't treat him well enough according to him.

He is generally a kind, thoughtful person which is why I'm struggling to see his view on this. I know its petty but it's making me feel the ick for him.

Am I a selfish cow and WIBU for not ferrying him back and forth?

When does a partner stop being a "guest" and become your partner??

I think after 9 months and many visits he would surely just get a cab because he would know OP doesn't want to use her car due to the issues it creates?

Of course you're entitled to your opinion @PurpleFlower1983 but you got the facts wrong!

No one would be called 'lazy' for picking up a guest from the train station, especially one who was staying for 8 days and thus had luggage, who had travelled for two hours with a change over.

We interrailed in 2019 with a 12 year old. Multiple, long train journeys with luggage to sustain us for 3 weeks. Obviously no one picked us up from any stations. It was the easiest, most relaxing holiday I've ever had. How much do you pack when you go away??

I think it would have been nice for the op to offer to meet him at the station or walk with him (not drive) but it is rude and entitled of him to expect that.

As he sounds rude and entitled anyway, the op did exactly the right thing in binning him off. Either they'll both meet people they're more compatible with, or change their behaviour, but there's no point in continuing a relationship with a lazy sulky man hoping he might improve. Life's too short for that.

@Bookworming

Of course you're entitled to your opinion *@PurpleFlower1983 but you got the facts wrong!*

No, you're the one who has your facts wrong!

[quote PurpleFlower1983]@Bookworming Surely in a relationship it’s the romantic/kind thing to do though? Even if she had walked with him. The little things can be important. I think meeting him would have been the polite thing to do and I’m entitled to my opinion.[/quote]
I was going to say be careful as Bookworming will come for you, but I see they already have. Don't let them bully you into not standing up for what is right.

It would have been nice of you to at least offer to drive him, your reasons are a bit 🤨 apart from the wine one. He should be gracious enough not to accept a lift from you or in this case since you didn’t offer? He should just get over it and not mention it. In essence yabu both of you

I take it that Aspie is short for Aspergers? Not heard that before, not the nicest expression!

I'd have walked with him.

@callmeadoctor Aspie is a common name for Aspergers, yes. Very common. There are groups for 'Aspies' and Aspies call themselves 'Aspies' all the time. Have done for a couple of decades, at least. It's not knew.
*Close relative has Aspergers.

10 minute walk? Unless your failing to mention some mobility issues the precious flower is being ridiculous. I probably would walk it with a guest. But seriously why is he so helpless? People who expect lifts are the worst. Just send him a taxi company phone number.

@Cokie3 I'm not sure why you can't see it's your arguing with a number of people! Yet then you're complaining and now calling people bullies!

You need to just bookmark this post and remember it to bring up at another time as you said! I assume you do that shit in real life as well?

I assume you call "bully" because lots of people won't bow down to your behaviour?

I think we can see plainly who uses bullying tactics here.

You!

People I would pick up at the train station if a ten minute walk either via car or in person as appropriate:

The elderly
The disabled
Lone travellers after dark (especially if female and unfamiliar with the area)
Anyone in poor weather conditions (eg heavy rain)
Anyone unwell, heavily pregnant or carrying heavy bags
First time visitors who had travelled a long way
First time visitors who weren’t great with directions

Everyone else would generally walk as I would do too.

Did you say you have aspergers op? Just this runs in my partners family and your posts really ring a bell with how his mum and grandma behave. You have to do what works for you. Reading your posts you seem very fixated on the annoying stuff and not mentioning anything good about him.

You seem to not quite grasp that people have faults and different needs and wants to you. Which I think will make relationships challenging perhaps. But either way this wasn't working for you so fair enough to end it. However objectively I'm not sure it's massively reasonable to be so annoyed about such stuff.
(the walking not the lack of helping out)

If he wanted you to walk him to the station wouldn't he have suggested it? Ie walk with me and go to shops on way back?

I remember at the end of sone of my first weekend dates, it was nice to say goodbye and walk to the station myself and wait for the train on my own without still being "on form".

I know tons of people who don't want to use cars as they may then lose their parking space.

He sounds hard work so good you dumped him.

(Yes I'd meet sone people from the station if I knew when arriving but not adult men who hadn't in any way suggested that they wanted me to meet them. Surely he could have said "I'll arrive x, will you meet me at the station" if he wanted meeting as one assumes he knew the plan in advance?

@callmeadoctor "Though the diagnosis of Asperger syndrome is no longer used, many previously diagnosed people still identify strongly and positively with being an “Aspie.” "

How an Aspie Found Happiness in a Neurotypical World ...www.aane.org › aspie-found-happiness-neurotypical-w...
I know that I'm not the only one with an Asperger's profile who is happy, so if you are an Aspie and have not yet found happiness, why not join us? I have a few ...

Dictionary
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Aspie
/ˈaspi/
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INFORMAL
noun
a person with Asperger's syndrome.
"an author and self-described Aspie"
adjective
having or displaying characteristics of Asperger's syndrome.
"my home-educated Aspie daughter has read quite a few of these books"

The Positives of Aspergers - Aspergers Victoria Incaspergersvic.org.au › page-18136
One Aspie asserted, “Thank God I have Aspergers!” Let's look at just a few of the positive traits associated with Aspergers ... Most Aspies: ...

How the loss of Asperger syndrome has lasting repercussions ...www.spectrumnews.org › opinion › viewpoint › how-t...
May 19, 2020 — For many, Asperger syndrome is more than a diagnosis. It is an identity. Many people have proudly claimed the term 'Aspie.' They have formed ...

I am an Aspie Girl - Sue Larkeysuelarkey.com.au › Primary School Age
A book for young girls with autism spectrum conditions. Lizzie is an Aspie Girl – she has Asperger's Syndrome, which means that her brain works differently to ...

Musings of an Aspie | one woman's thoughts about life on the ...musingsofanaspie.com
one woman's thoughts about life on the spectrum.

I'm a proud Aspie, but I accept the term 'Asperger's syndrome ...www.theguardian.com › commentisfree › dec › asperge...
Dec 4, 2012 — I don't see this as an end to the camaraderie I have with my fellow Aspies. Instead, I feel we are opening up the fraternity of Aspie to our autistic ...

INTRIGUING interview with The Aspie World on ... - YouTubewww.youtube.com › watch
Jan 31, 2019 — Ever wondered how ADHD and Asperger's (autism) go together? We sat down with Daniel from The Aspie World to talk about his experiences ...

Just some examples from Google.

[quote Bookworming]@Cokie3 I'm not sure why you can't see it's your arguing with a number of people! Yet then you're complaining and now calling people bullies!

You need to just bookmark this post and remember it to bring up at another time as you said! I assume you do that shit in real life as well?

I assume you call "bully" because lots of people won't bow down to your behaviour?

I think we can see plainly who uses bullying tactics here.

You! [/quote]
Lol You are the one replying to everyone and saying they are wrong! Even one poster who didn't state any facts, just her opinion that he could have been picked up, and you automatically said that she (her 'opinion') is 'wrong'. Facts can be wrong, but opinions aren't. Opinions are opinions. So don't deflect your bullying onto me, when it is very clear what you are doing.

I would say depends on how much luggage. My DPs live about 10 mins walk from the station and have similar parking issues so like you prefer not to get the car out unless needed. I have absolutely no issue with this and wouldn't dream of needing to be driven for what would be a 10 minute walk. The only time I do ask if they could pick me up, which they don't mind at all, is Christmas when I am usually arriving by train with an extremely heavy bag as it's full of Christmas presents for them (not this year of course). But if it's just the two of you imagine he wouldn't have that much luggage (I also assume most people travel lighter than me as I'm not known for that...).
Also he is BU for still going on about it.

@callmeadoctor, Aspie is a term used by even world leading Aspergers experts (cf. Tony Attwood).

😂 yes, unbelievably he managed to do a load of washing whilst here all by himself!

We see each other most weekends or at least every other so its not like it was a rare visit and its not like I have NEVER agreed to pick him up. Its just that it has become an expectation, which I resent.

Lol You are the one replying to everyone and saying they are wrong! Even one poster who didn't state any facts, just her opinion that he could have been picked up, and you automatically said that she (her 'opinion') is 'wrong'. Facts can be wrong, but opinions aren't. Opinions are opinions. So don't deflect your bullying onto me, when it is very clear what you are doing.

Nope just with you @Cokie3 and pointing out that @PurpleFlower1983 got the facts wrong as it wasn't due to drinking that she couldn't meet her exdp from the station.

You carry on with your tirade, name calling, butting in on posts made to others, projecting !

I'm off out for a walk! I can manage at least 10 mins without the need for a car! Amazing!

Jesus, the things people get overinvested in on here. You wonder how they hold down jobs. Anyway, bloody well done you OP for dumping him, he sounds like a loser and not even a very nice one. “I need space” after being hosted by a single parent for eight days over Christmas because of a ten minute walk? Imagine how he’d ever have reacted if you’d had to face a real issue together.

Sorry OP hadn't read the full thread. Sorry it didn't work out but sounds like you are better off without him. I'm baffled by the people who would expect to drive what would otherwise be a 10 min walk (maybe it's a London living thing as likewise walk more than that to get to the tube, versus the countryside village I grew up in some people drove to the village shop which was about a 2 min drive - baffled by the laziness and the pollution impact).

But that all seems a bit not the main issue - the fact he sounds like a man child in general, expecting to be waited on for the whole stay, not really contributing equally in general, and then going off in a sulk effectively because he didn't get a lift for a 10 minute walk? Absolutely ridiculous and you don't need that rubbish in your life.

@Bookworming Meet him, or drop him off, alcohol was still a reason given, so @PurpleFlower1983 was not wrong.

HTH

Meeting your significant other at the train station (or bust stop or airport) is basic level common courtesy and something that normal people just....do.

I guess you don't live in London. The most useful of my nearest three tube stations is ten minutes walk away, and every journey to work / secondary school made by someone in my family will involve walking that distance twice a day.

The idea of walking with him proposed by some is batshit-crazy. A half-hour round trip (including various time overheads) to stop someone being lonely on a ten-minute walk?

You can also tell who the entitled non-drivers are in this thread. As a driver, I, like the OP, frequently find myself expected to drive other people on journeys to/from my house where, if I were making them, no-one other than a taxi-driver would be driving me. Did people miss that the OP is literally being expected to drive someone in circumstance where she would not expect anyone to drive her?

@TheGoodEnoughWife

He should have been doing everything he could to help out. He has shown you who he is. Listen.

This