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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?

181 replies

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 01:39

During Lockdown#1 in March when all the barbers closed, like most men, DH’s hair grew longer. DH is in his late 50’s, very thin / balding on top and now grey/white (used to be blonde). He has had his hair very short (No2) for years & went to barbers every 4-6 weeks. So it’s now December and DH hasn’t had his haircut once since beginning of March.... He refuses- he likes it. Can now get it in a ponytail. I can’t bear the way he looks. His hair is lank, sticks out at the sides, like white fluffy clouds, always looks greasy, although he does shower every day. He has a bald patch at back of head with lank strips of hair dangling over it. It’s ageing, scruffy, deeply unattractive (to me) and puts me right off. I’ve asked him many times to get his hair cut, have bought hair clippers. He refuses. He’s a handsome man, still very fit and in good shape. He doesn’t care at all that I don’t like it. When we first met nearly 20 years ago, he had a lot of opinions on how women looked (still does). Long hair = good/right. Bobs/fringes = bad/wrong. My hair has been more or less always shoulder length . Sometimes a bit shorter/ sometimes a fringe. I wear my hair how I like but I really don’t think I would stick with a look if my DH said he really really didn’t like it & found it unattractive. Sometimes I find myself staring at him in disgust...AIBU?

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LunaNorth · 31/12/2020 01:41

Is he Willie Nelson?

At least you’re always on his mind.

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 01:44

Think Terry Nutkin

To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?
To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?
To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?
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RavingAnnie · 31/12/2020 01:45

I would be upset by this. My husband called my opinion on his clothes and hair and this works both ways. This is because we want to remain attractive to each other! That is what would upset me, the fact he didn't care that his hair was affecting how attracted I was to him.

Dies he not care that, presumably, you don't want to be intimate with him?

Brenna24 · 31/12/2020 01:45

Time for a bob/fringe. See what he says then.

Fefifobum · 31/12/2020 01:46

Suppose it is HIS hair but you could always lop the grey ponytail off when he’s sleeping....

LemonSquirtInTheEyeOfLife · 31/12/2020 01:47

Oh dear. That's definitely a very specific look. Is he trying to pass as a nutty professor? Or a trainspotter?

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 01:49

I also find Willy Nelson unattractive- have never liked long hair on blokes - sorry I guess some people do...

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MountDoom · 31/12/2020 01:50

So I assume your physical relationship has also suffered as a result? I mean you can't have sex with someone who repulses you right? Is he even bothered by this?

Heartlantern2 · 31/12/2020 01:50

Yanbu- I understand completely, it’s almost a tiny bit like you feel betrayed as he is purposely doing something that you hate.

I’m having the same problem- my partners hair looks absolutely awful!

You can’t make or force someone to do something though, you said you don’t like it and he said his keeping it, that’s that really.

It sucks!

ToniTheDonkey · 31/12/2020 01:50

Ew. I don’t like long hair on men, and my right to not have my eyes offended by long, lank, lifeless hair trumps your husband’s right to wear his own hair how he chooses! 🤣

Godimabitch · 31/12/2020 01:51

Ew gross. It's a bit mean but I couldn't stand that at all. I dont really like long hair on men but once you're balding you should accept it with dignity.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 31/12/2020 01:51

do a Samson and Delilah?✂️

LunaNorth · 31/12/2020 01:51

See how he feels when you’ve not had sex for six months.

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 01:51

I did think about a Bob/fringe revenge look - like the lady from the wool shop in Wallace & Gromit - but I don’t want to look unattractive either!

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BritWifeinUSA · 31/12/2020 01:52

Me and my husband call that a skullet. Like a mullet but with a bald patch. I have made it clear to my husband that I won’t tolerate a skullet. He has waist-length hair and it’s very think and shiny like a shampoo advert and not a single gray hair. He’s 54 and no sign of baldness yet, either.

I sympathize, OP. The skullet is truly unattractive.

Papatron · 31/12/2020 01:52

In my opinion, if a man is balding/thinning at all then he should not have long hair. It looks awful.
On the plus side, at least you know that he isn't going to cheat on you, because no woman is going to sleep with a man who looks like a cross between the Professor from Back to the Future and a roadie for Status Quo.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 31/12/2020 01:52

Maybe he's channeling Bill Bailey?
Get ready for the ballroom lessons when lockdown is over.

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 01:56

Yup the sex has dwindled ..... tbh it had anyhow esp since menopause a few years ago, so I sort of was doing it to please him - as would frankly not miss it (I’m 54) but then he grows his hair so he’s shot himself in the foot!

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Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 01:59

Ha ha ! I like Bill Bailey but don’t fancy him. No no

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BananaPop2020 · 31/12/2020 02:02

I am sorry to laugh OP but honestly that Nutkin pic and your description are priceless. I am halfway through a grim quarantine period and you have massively cheered me up. I have tears running down my face 😂😂😂

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 02:05

Wow! Waist length hair! Is he in showbiz?

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NannyGythaOgg · 31/12/2020 02:07

Rather than say anything else directly. In fact, since you have backed him into a corner, go the other way.

Tell him you like it (if you can do so with a straight face Grin)

But, if you don't go that far, poke gentle fun at the other guys with hair like his. EG Bill Bailey. I've loved his humour for years but I find his hair just silly. Mention how 'x' (some person he admires) has made sarky comments about Bill Bailey's hair. Another time mention how you had to pull a friend up for laughing at his hair (if you can do it subtly.) Say the only thing that could be worse about Trump or Boris would be that they had a ponytail - again subtly. Just little digs at others with hair like his rather than directly.

CaptainCabinets · 31/12/2020 02:08

@BritWifeinUSA I kind of want to see your husband’s hair Blush

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2020 02:09

Oh dear. You've got the ick.

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 02:10

Pleased to have cheered you up BananaPop! If it was someone else’s DH, I’d be rolling with mirth but this is MY grim reality 😫...

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