To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?

[Peanutbrittle99]

During Lockdown#1 in March when all the barbers closed, like most men, DH’s hair grew longer. DH is in his late 50’s, very thin / balding on top and now grey/white (used to be blonde). He has had his hair very short (No2) for years & went to barbers every 4-6 weeks. So it’s now December and DH hasn’t had his haircut once since beginning of March.... He refuses- he likes it. Can now get it in a ponytail. I can’t bear the way he looks. His hair is lank, sticks out at the sides, like white fluffy clouds, always looks greasy, although he does shower every day. He has a bald patch at back of head with lank strips of hair dangling over it. It’s ageing, scruffy, deeply unattractive (to me) and puts me right off. I’ve asked him many times to get his hair cut, have bought hair clippers. He refuses. He’s a handsome man, still very fit and in good shape. He doesn’t care at all that I don’t like it. When we first met nearly 20 years ago, he had a lot of opinions on how women looked (still does). Long hair = good/right. Bobs/fringes = bad/wrong. My hair has been more or less always shoulder length . Sometimes a bit shorter/ sometimes a fringe. I wear my hair how I like but I really don’t think I would stick with a look if my DH said he really really didn’t like it & found it unattractive. Sometimes I find myself staring at him in disgust...AIBU?

[Nanny0gg]

Show him that photo of Paul McCartney with the little topknot.

That'll maybe work

[Rae36]

Are you me op? Mine has done exactly the same. He had a massive grey beard for a while too but that's gone. I hate it but it's his hair he can do what he likes.

It's weird though because he was always so into his appearance and that's something I liked about him. Now he's morphed into an old man who doesn't care.

[turnthebiglightoff]

OP; of and when you decide to embrace the greys, do you expect him to tell you he's repulsed?

[Jobsharenightmare]

To be honest OP if he likes it and you weren't really having sex anyway why would he care if you have the ick? Making snide comments is just going to make him feel bad about you, not himself.

I think the bigger point here is your marriage has deteriorated to the point where you are not intimate and so he doesn't care what you think and you only had sex to make him happy.

[FestiveStuffing]

'Can you not tell your wife that you simply do not fancy her and that frankly you’re repulsed every time you see her lank wisps hanging there? I’d be quite honest with my wife and tell her that I’ll be cutting it and that’s that.'

Anyone see a problem with this response? Anyone?

[turnthebiglightoff]

@FestiveStuffing 100% this.

[geekone]

This is a really sad thread. Making snide remarks on the internet about someone you have shared your life with and should love. Talking about how someone’s hair puts you off having sex with them and withholding it. I just can’t help thinking about it being the same thing as a woman changing her style or even putting on a little weight and a man refusing to have sex. MN would be up in arms.
No one should have sex when they don’t want to and I also think attraction is really important to sex and marriage but have some tact OP.

[user1471538283]

See I like long hair on a bloke as long as there is lots of it and it's not too long. But balding with it hanging limply is such a turn off I think for most women.

[KarlKennedysDurianFruit]

@FestiveStuffing absolutely! When we were younger DH went through a long hair phase I didn't like it but it's his hair! I'd go mad if he told me how I ought to look. The only thing I said to him was wax is a product for short hair have you tried this instead (gave him a seasalt spray to try as his hair is curly like mine) it doesn't weigh your hair down as much, and if you're going to have your hair long you need to look after it more than when it's short or you'll get split ends etc, there's conditioner in the cupboard in the bathroom. It lasted about eighteen months but as long as it was clean I want going to be saying anything.

[Anyoldname12]

Me and my husband call that a skullet.
Because that’s the name, you didn’t invent the word skullet.

you could always lop the grey ponytail off when he’s sleeping
That’s abusive as fuck! Imagine if your husband / partner did that to you? Christ.

my right to not have my eyes offended by long, lank, lifeless hair trumps your husband’s right to wear his own hair how he chooses!
This is the issue with MN. Imagine the fucking uproar if a man had said this about his wife.

Manipulating him with critical comments of other men with similar hairstyles and made-up comments from friends sounds like a throw-back to the fifties.

Exactly.

I’d seriously worry about what some of you would do if your partner ever suffered a medical condition or an accident which affected their looks. “Sorry love, I know you were horrifically burned but my right to not be physically repulsed when I look at you trumps your right to humanity and compassion so wear this paper bag at all times lease!”

If you’re actually a grown up and have a half decent relationship then you would be able to approach this in a mature and RESPECTFUL way. I suggest you leave him tbh, it doesn’t sound like you like him very much at all if a bit of hair is PHYSICALLY REPULSIVE to you. My love for DP runs much deeper than the physical.

[Redburnett]

Long hair on balding men usually looks ridiculous IMO.

[LST]

@JamieLeeCurtis I meant what I said

[Agoodbriskwalk]

Some serious sense of humour fails on here!

I agree it’s gross OP but what can you do? Hopefully it’s a pandemic phase.

[FestiveStuffing]

Some serious sense of humour fails on here! grin

Only if you consider suggestions of assaulting and belittling one's spouse funny.

[StCharlotte]

Oh FFS. Bobs and fringes mostly look nice. "Skullets" (thank you pp ) are deeply unattractive. On anyone. Why would you deliberately cultivate a style that most right-thinking people think looks ridiculous?

Incidentally going grey is a natural part of the ageing process, turning yourself into a second-rate wizard is not.

[Immrswhistledown]

@Aquamarine1029

Oh dear. You've got the ick.

I’m not surprised looking at that pic 🤢

OP it sounds horrific. There’s only one thing to do when it starts going and that is to shave it down to the wood. What you’ve described would make my skin crawl.

[FestiveFannyGallops]

I love long hair on blokes if it suits them but once they start balding and going grey it becomes very ageing. Ds's dad had/has (don't know not seen him in 4.5 years) long dark hair that was receding, thinning, and always greasy. It made him look so much older. Bruce Dickinson and Jon Bon Jovi went shorter as they got older and they look fab. The skullet is not attractive. It's his hair so he can do what he likes but if you find it repulsive then you'd hope he'd consider your feelings.
Remember the comb over episode in Ally McBeal?

[RedRec]

Had never heard the word skullet before but it is so apt it has really tickled me .

Feel for you, OP. Loving some of the ingenious 'solutions' here.

[cansu]

I think that all you can do is make sure he understands you find it unattractive and that it makes him look much more elderly. He will either sort it or make a point of keeping it. If he doesn't really care, it is odd that he won't do anything about it.

[SatanClaus]

@FestiveStuffing

Some serious sense of humour fails on here! grin

Only if you consider suggestions of assaulting and belittling one's spouse funny.

I did wonder if I’d fallen into a parallel universe.

Can you imagine someone suggesting cutting a woman’s hair in her sleep, even in jest.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Don’t blame you, OP - it’s such an unattractive look.
Long grey hair in male ponytails was evidently popular in Berkeley (California) which we visited a few years ago for a niece’s graduation. I’ve never seen so many scruffy old ex hippy types in my life. 😅

I won’t complain any more about dh handing me his trimmer and asking me to attack his ‘fringe’ of white hair before he starts looking like the Mad Professor.

[VeganCow]

@Bunchup

When we first met nearly 20 years ago, he had a lot of opinions on how women looked (still does). Long hair = good/right. Bobs/fringes = bad/wrong.

Your mistake was marrying this twat in the first place. You should have told him to fuck off twenty years ago.

haha made me laugh out loud that one.

On a serious note OP his hair sounds actually repulsive. It's odd too, as most people want to portray their best selves, unless there is some underlying mental health issue like depression which makes it fully excusable, the effort etc seems too much. Has he let other things go, clothes etc, which may suggest this?

[Starisnotanumber]

Buy him some man type shampoo. I don't know what the difference is maybe nothing just marketing at least if he uses it the greasyness will go.
Offer to trim the ends if he will be OK with that it will make it look better.

[Bentoforthehorde]

Well this was a depressing read.
Show your DH this thread so he can not only decide whether to change his hair, but whether he wants to stay with someone who would talk about him with such disdain.
There's no joke to get here.

[ancientgran]

I sympathise, mine has grown a long white beard. I hate beards. The only highlight was when we were out one day and a little girl was mesmerised as she thought she'd spotted Father Christmas in civvies. That was funny.