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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?

181 replies

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 01:39

During Lockdown#1 in March when all the barbers closed, like most men, DH’s hair grew longer. DH is in his late 50’s, very thin / balding on top and now grey/white (used to be blonde). He has had his hair very short (No2) for years & went to barbers every 4-6 weeks. So it’s now December and DH hasn’t had his haircut once since beginning of March.... He refuses- he likes it. Can now get it in a ponytail. I can’t bear the way he looks. His hair is lank, sticks out at the sides, like white fluffy clouds, always looks greasy, although he does shower every day. He has a bald patch at back of head with lank strips of hair dangling over it. It’s ageing, scruffy, deeply unattractive (to me) and puts me right off. I’ve asked him many times to get his hair cut, have bought hair clippers. He refuses. He’s a handsome man, still very fit and in good shape. He doesn’t care at all that I don’t like it. When we first met nearly 20 years ago, he had a lot of opinions on how women looked (still does). Long hair = good/right. Bobs/fringes = bad/wrong. My hair has been more or less always shoulder length . Sometimes a bit shorter/ sometimes a fringe. I wear my hair how I like but I really don’t think I would stick with a look if my DH said he really really didn’t like it & found it unattractive. Sometimes I find myself staring at him in disgust...AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
FestiveStuffing · 31/12/2020 04:06

People suggesting that OP cut it off without permission- you know that's assault, right? It's not something to joke about.

FortunesFave · 31/12/2020 04:47

Have you asked him WHY he likes it? I'd be interested to hear...I mean...does he think he looks handsome? Or what??

My DH grew a beard and I wouldn't sleep with him while it was there. I find beards absolutely gross. I KNOW it's his face and all that but he had no beard when I met him...and I'd never have gone for him if he had.

Taikoo · 31/12/2020 07:38

Take lots of very unflattering photos of it from the top, back and sides. Get them up on social media and remember to do memories of them each year hereafter.

LunaNorth · 31/12/2020 08:17

@Yeahnahmum

And you look exactly the same as 20 years ago? Come on. You may not like it. But he does. His personality hasnt changed Only his hair. Help him style it maybe. But besides that leave him to it
Yes, help him style it.

With a razor.

notdaddycool · 31/12/2020 08:24

I got these for lockdown, but late for his stocking but you could try:

BaByliss MEN The Crew Cut : Do-It-Yourself Hair Clipper for a Short and Even, One Length All Over Style amazon.co.uk/dp/B07TMP3ZNH/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_vQy7FbFHVRSFK]]

LobotheBotanist · 31/12/2020 08:28

@Cheeseandwin5

Did you just compare a woman withholding sex to a man withholding money? Are your relationship experiences all prostitution based? Shock

It’s a jokey thread , and I feel for you OP but I also feel for your husband. I have started to go grey a bit and to my own surprise I do not care and do not plan to dye it... that’s similar, right? All my friends dye their hair. It’s just that at 50 you can develop this attitude out if nowhere Grin

TipsieM · 31/12/2020 08:28

Ew. Hate that look.

But he obviously has agency and can wear his hair however he wants.

He refuses- he likes it. Can now get it in a ponytail. I can’t bear the way he looks. His hair is lank, sticks out at the sides, like white fluffy clouds, always looks greasy, although he does shower every day.

But bad grooming is different.

Some people (women as well, btw!) get greasy hair really fast. Dry shampoo, the appropriate gentle shampoo, scalp scrubs etc are necessary/advisable in that case.

Him not using those things and walking around with greasy, lanky hair is just... 🤮

TipsieM · 31/12/2020 08:30

Somehow reminded me of this...

Arthersleep · 31/12/2020 08:32

Could he scoop it back into a man bun a la Paul McCartney? 😉

LST · 31/12/2020 08:34

I love to see the replies if the genders were reversed.

Caramel81 · 31/12/2020 08:36

My dad has done this too. He’s 63, grey, balding on top but he insists on having it in a nutty professor mullet type style and it looks bloody awful. He looked a million times better with it short but he is so stubborn and couldn’t care less what anyone else’s opinion is of it.

midgeghost · 31/12/2020 08:38

His hair

I did manage to make mine have his trimmed to make it tidier , get rid of the wisps ( I told him it look s better and thicker that way ) and have made him use proper shampoo

He looks quite cute now especially in his woolly hat

Arthersleep · 31/12/2020 08:43

Am laughing so much at the thought of borrowing some nits! I have an image of you popping out to a neighbour's and returning with a jam jar!

If you can't get hold of any, sprinkle some sugar and tea leaves into his hair at night, then hand him a nit comb.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 31/12/2020 08:44

Op, fingers crossed that's your husband posting in style & beauty?! Grin

To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?
WilsonMilson · 31/12/2020 08:47

Oh dear, that’s quite an unfortunate look.

Can you not tell him that you simply do not fancy him and that frankly you’re repulsed every time you see his lank wisps hanging there? I’d be quite honest with my DH and tell him that I’ll be cutting it and that’s that.

Bahhhhhumbug · 31/12/2020 08:53

Those saying about the roles reversed and the withholding sex being despicable etc. The OP doesn't find him attractive with long lank hair and a skillet. In fact she's repulsed by his hair like this. Are you all suggesting she should lie back and think of England? We can't help who or what we find attractive or unattractive, it's involuntary and no one should have sex out of duty, only because they want to.

JamieLeesCurtains · 31/12/2020 08:54

@LST

I love to see the replies if the genders were reversed.
Do you mean the sexes?

'Reversing genders' on the same thread as mention of Dr Emmet Brown conjures up some sort of post-modern Foucaultian polarity distortion that I can't deal with this early in the day.

Bahhhhhumbug · 31/12/2020 08:55

skullet. - ffs autocorrect and poor eyesight.

CaMePlaitPas · 31/12/2020 08:58

That's a no from me too OP. Time to fill a shampoo bottle with hair removal cream.

doctorhamster · 31/12/2020 08:59

Does he actually know what it looks like from the back op?

CaMePlaitPas · 31/12/2020 08:59

@JamieLeesCurtains Grin

MoonlightFlitwick · 31/12/2020 09:00

@Cheeseandwin5

I am not sure if this is a joke post or not but it and some of the replies are deeply depressing. I know ppl like to see those pointing out double standards as some sign of self loathing (but obviously ignoring the hypocrite issue) but this is a clear one. Worse still seeing denying sex as some sort of agreeable punishment. If a man didnt like how his DW looked and started denying her any extra money because of it woukld we all be agreeing ?? Sorry your DH is happy with the way he looks, thay should be the most overriding factor for you. Also you say I wear my hair how I like but I really don’t think I would stick with a look if my DH said he really really didn’t like it & found it unattractive. maybe he is just happy that you are. It is controlling, manupilative abusive and rather horrible, and if you dont believe me, do another post and put yourself in your DH position and see what replies you get.
I agree with most of this. Mocking your "D"H on a public forum is rather horrible. Manipulating him with critical comments of other men with similar hairstyles and made-up comments from friends sounds like a throw-back to the fifties. Don't you have honest communication between you? If you don't like his hair, tell him so gently, but accept that he is an autonomous human being with the right to self present as he chooses. You say you have gone off sex with the menopause, maybe he has gone off it too. Maybe for him atm it's not a priority. Dn't you have any loyalty to the poor man? This thread makes me really sad.
Orf1abc · 31/12/2020 09:00

This is horrible. Are we OK with men coming on here and being nasty about their female partners appearance?

Bunchup · 31/12/2020 09:03

When we first met nearly 20 years ago, he had a lot of opinions on how women looked (still does). Long hair = good/right. Bobs/fringes = bad/wrong.

Your mistake was marrying this twat in the first place. You should have told him to fuck off twenty years ago.

HeadNorth · 31/12/2020 09:04

I think long grey hair looks terrible on both men and women. But they love it on women over in Style & Beauty and apparantly if you don't agree you are an ageist monster. Maybe he has been reading too much Mumsnet S&B?