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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?

181 replies

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 01:39

During Lockdown#1 in March when all the barbers closed, like most men, DH’s hair grew longer. DH is in his late 50’s, very thin / balding on top and now grey/white (used to be blonde). He has had his hair very short (No2) for years & went to barbers every 4-6 weeks. So it’s now December and DH hasn’t had his haircut once since beginning of March.... He refuses- he likes it. Can now get it in a ponytail. I can’t bear the way he looks. His hair is lank, sticks out at the sides, like white fluffy clouds, always looks greasy, although he does shower every day. He has a bald patch at back of head with lank strips of hair dangling over it. It’s ageing, scruffy, deeply unattractive (to me) and puts me right off. I’ve asked him many times to get his hair cut, have bought hair clippers. He refuses. He’s a handsome man, still very fit and in good shape. He doesn’t care at all that I don’t like it. When we first met nearly 20 years ago, he had a lot of opinions on how women looked (still does). Long hair = good/right. Bobs/fringes = bad/wrong. My hair has been more or less always shoulder length . Sometimes a bit shorter/ sometimes a fringe. I wear my hair how I like but I really don’t think I would stick with a look if my DH said he really really didn’t like it & found it unattractive. Sometimes I find myself staring at him in disgust...AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Monty27 · 31/12/2020 02:14

Take a photo of the back of it and use it as a screensaver
On absolutely every screen in the house

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 02:18

Yes I think that’s a good tactic and also to get our mutual female friends to let him know he’s giving everyone the ick , not just his wife?

OP posts:
MarkRuffaloCrumble · 31/12/2020 02:19

Brilliant idea Monty. No need to say a word - when he sees it in all its lack of glory, he’ll lop it off ASAP

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 02:19

😂😂😂. Now I like that one @Monty27

OP posts:
Monty27 · 31/12/2020 02:22

Not a word needs to be said

Bahhhhhumbug · 31/12/2020 02:24

GrinGrinGrin @ Monty27

Cheeseandwin5 · 31/12/2020 02:28

I am not sure if this is a joke post or not but it and some of the replies are deeply depressing.
I know ppl like to see those pointing out double standards as some sign of self loathing (but obviously ignoring the hypocrite issue) but this is a clear one. Worse still seeing denying sex as some sort of agreeable punishment.
If a man didnt like how his DW looked and started denying her any extra money because of it woukld we all be agreeing ??
Sorry your DH is happy with the way he looks, thay should be the most overriding factor for you.
Also you say I wear my hair how I like but I really don’t think I would stick with a look if my DH said he really really didn’t like it & found it unattractive. maybe he is just happy that you are.
It is controlling, manupilative abusive and rather horrible, and if you dont believe me, do another post and put yourself in your DH position and see what replies you get.

GoingForASwim · 31/12/2020 02:29

Swap his shampoo bottle with some hair remover cream?

Only joking.

Maybe.

Peanutbrittle99 · 31/12/2020 02:29

I hope to update with good hair news in the not too distant!

OP posts:
StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads · 31/12/2020 02:54

I wonder if it's become a matter of principle type thing? As in, you keep telling him you hate it so he's definitely keeping it and revelling in the rebellion, even though he may not really like it, deep down.

Maybe tell him it's grown on you and now you actually love it? Whether or not this works would really depend on his personality type.

Only other suggestion I have is to come up with an elaborate plan that results in you accidentally shaving his head. I don't know how you'd pull that one off... but I'm sure it's possible.

1forAll74 · 31/12/2020 03:06

I would let him be if he want's a new look, he likes the look, and that's it.

Palatka · 31/12/2020 03:07

Skullet Grin

user1473878824 · 31/12/2020 03:15

So you’ve have bobs and fringes over the years knowing he disliked it? Then fair is fair and be gets to do this, surely? The greasy thing: is he actually washing his hair? I’d also find it unattractive OP but also it’s just hair and you’ve had hairstyles he doesn’t like over the years. Can you work on a compromise? (Which I can’t imagine any of us saying I’d this was the other way around.)

StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads · 31/12/2020 03:17

The greasy thing: is he actually washing his hair?

I wondered that. If he's had very short hair his whole life he may not know how to look after long hair. I think it's legitimate to expect your partner to wash properly, so I don't think there's anything wrong in speaking to him about this.

OldAndWornOut · 31/12/2020 03:22

Promise him a night of eroticism in return for his compliance in the hair dilemma.

OldAndWornOut · 31/12/2020 03:24

Is there anyway you could borrow some nits? Grin

thosetalesofunexpected · 31/12/2020 03:26

@Peanutbrittle99.

😂😂😂😂
Thanks for cheering me up with your Post.L.o.l

Yeahnahmum · 31/12/2020 03:28

And you look exactly the same as 20 years ago? Come on. You may not like it. But he does. His personality hasnt changed
Only his hair. Help him style it maybe. But besides that leave him to it

thosetalesofunexpected · 31/12/2020 03:32

@Papatron
Your Lucky your husband still looks like that at his age.😂

thosetalesofunexpected · 31/12/2020 03:34

@BritWifeinUSA

😂😂😂😂
Good point
Nice one reassuring Op like that L.o.l

Monty27 · 31/12/2020 03:45

OP keep us posted
Play nicely now

oakleaffy · 31/12/2020 03:46

@Peanutbrittle99

Think Terry Nutkin
Oh gross.

Long hair on men only looks good if their hair is thick, zero baldness /receding hairline, and well cared for.

Most men have the good sense to shave it off once baldness happens.

Oddly the men in our family all have good thick heads of hair into dotage... Must be genes?

But if they were to go bald, off it would come.

oakleaffy · 31/12/2020 03:52

@OldAndWornOut

Is there anyway you could borrow some nits? Grin
Haaaahaha!!!
Oblomov20 · 31/12/2020 03:53

Sorry. This thread too has really cheered me up.

oakleaffy · 31/12/2020 03:55

@Palatka

Skullet Grin
Haaaaaaaaaha!!

Oh my word... Will have to remember this one!

Thanks for the laugh!