To be dismayed and frankly repulsed by DH’s long grey hair ?

[Peanutbrittle99]

During Lockdown#1 in March when all the barbers closed, like most men, DH’s hair grew longer. DH is in his late 50’s, very thin / balding on top and now grey/white (used to be blonde). He has had his hair very short (No2) for years & went to barbers every 4-6 weeks. So it’s now December and DH hasn’t had his haircut once since beginning of March.... He refuses- he likes it. Can now get it in a ponytail. I can’t bear the way he looks. His hair is lank, sticks out at the sides, like white fluffy clouds, always looks greasy, although he does shower every day. He has a bald patch at back of head with lank strips of hair dangling over it. It’s ageing, scruffy, deeply unattractive (to me) and puts me right off. I’ve asked him many times to get his hair cut, have bought hair clippers. He refuses. He’s a handsome man, still very fit and in good shape. He doesn’t care at all that I don’t like it. When we first met nearly 20 years ago, he had a lot of opinions on how women looked (still does). Long hair = good/right. Bobs/fringes = bad/wrong. My hair has been more or less always shoulder length . Sometimes a bit shorter/ sometimes a fringe. I wear my hair how I like but I really don’t think I would stick with a look if my DH said he really really didn’t like it & found it unattractive. Sometimes I find myself staring at him in disgust...AIBU?

[SaltyTootsieToes]

Skullet. I love it! Filing it away and hope I’ll get a chance to use that term some day.

I do wonder OP if your DH really knows how bad he looks with his skullet. How about capturing some family photos and see how to get a few of him from various angles, get them orbited so he can see. Maybe share to family in email, FB or WhatsApp so he can see and gauge other people’s reactions. This way he’ll know it’s not a thing as you just picking on him for some bizarre reason.

I Usually think that in a relationship, it’s a good thing for your partner to let you know if something is off - walking out with flies undone, see through top, stains down your front, too dark tan on your face etc. So for some reason your DH is ignoring your advice about how he looks. He may just need to hear it from others now.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

You need to accept defeat. You say you’ve asked him many times, as well as buying clippers to give him a haircut he has repeatedly told you he doesn’t want. You are no longer just ‘expressing an opinion’ or letting him know your preference - you are nagging. And unsurprisingly, he has dug his heels in. Leave him alone and he might later decide for himself to change it.

[CuteBear]

[quote Circumlocutious]@CuteBear

They would be screaming LTB, but I’ve always found that approach highly unreasonable. You never share or insult your spouse, but raising the issue of diminishing physical attractiveness (/effects on your sexual relationship) is fair game...no?[/quote]
I agree that everyone is within their rights to mention to their DP (but not outright insult) that they don’t like their new hairstyle. It’s also ok for DH to mention to their DW that a 10 stone weight gain makes them look less attractive to them, but framed in a sensitive way.

[ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords]

@Apollo3

nd everyone is on the OP's side and slags off the man for not fancying her whatever she looks like

I very much doubt that everyone says that. I wouldn't, I'm sure many others wouldn't either.
But its different people answering, there is no MN hive mind like some silly people imagine.

OK, on the threads that I have seen, almost all of those who comment say he is in the wrong/shallow for not fancying her because she is fat. Perhaps those that don't think that don't bother commenting, because they will get rounded on by other posters. It's often along the line of she's put on weight after having children, so he should just accept it because she had his children.

[Jobsharenightmare]

@Disfordarkchocolate

I think that's the point. He doesn't care anymore what she thinks because since the menopause they haven't really had sex and OP intimates that isn't a problem for her.

[Camparispritzandcrisps]

FIL has done the exact same thing - no haircuts since March, hair is down to his collar and looks like dirty white string around his head. What makes it worse is that he smokes heavily, so it's getting nicotine stained ! (not envy!)

It looks fucking awful, and it's only going to get worse now that we've gone into tier 4 and the barbers are closed. MIL, BIL and DP have all told him how gross his hair is with varying degrees of tact, but ultimately it's his hair, his call - I'd be less than amused if someone told me how to wear my hair (l'll still be throwing a party when it finally gets lopped off though!)

[Lavanderrose]

Haha, sorry but this made me laugh. Get him to hold a mirror up from behind so he can look it at from all angles, he’ll soon dash for the clippers.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Ooh, so unsexy. Has he not noticed its a turn off?

[thetemptationofchocolate]

Maybe he thinks he looks like Riff Raff?

[ginandbearit]

Perhaps get a 'call the manager' haircut and be all brisk and direct lol..Im a balding bloke and I think the men I see with skulletts and scraggy ponytails look ridiculous and sad..at least it isnt a comb over..they do deserve a fly by scissor snip

[Puddingypops]

@MoodyMarshall ah ok, that’s fair enough lol, no I don’t sport that particular style!

[MoodyMarshall]

I think the Bob/fringe combo PP are referring to is this one (advance apologies if this is a pic of you personally)...

[thepeopleversuswork]

Yuck. Longer hair is ok on younger blokes but on grey or white it’s awful.

It would also piss me off that he was doing something when he knew I found it incredibly unattractive. It’s one thing not to have to dress to please your OH but going out of your way to look awful is just rude.

[MoodyMarshall]

I'm laughing so much at this thread

'Giving everyone the ick' made me do a big LOL.

[Puddingypops]

@Feelinglow8736 well I care one fog what men find more attractive! I’m surprised mumsnet subscribe to that being such a feminist space!

Anyway I get far more (unwanted) make attention and offers with my Bob than when I wear my hair long!

Humph!!

[cosmicpotato]

Perhaps he's leaving it long purposely because he's not attracted to you anymore and knows you won't come near him with his long hair, so a kind of deterrent?

[Brefugee]

However, I have read comments saying that the female OP, whose DH no longer fancies her because she's put on 20 stones forexample, is unreasonable to think her dramatic appearance change wouldn't affect how her DH sees her.

the difference here is the "cut it off in his sleep" type of cunty suggestions (just bantz, innit?)

The point is that since they're both adults the normal thing would be to say "oh DH i don't think that hair suits you" or similar, and for him to say "well i like it" and then you can say something like "but it would look better, in that case, if you used these products on it"

But the hypothetical suddenly 20 stone wife would be told to LTB if her OH suggested dieting, or wearing X clothes instead of Y which would suit her shape better.

And posting pictures of people and laughing about their appearance? Really? In general that is a cunty bitchy thing to do.

[Feelinglow8736]

@Puddingypops

Errrr hold on girls I have a Bob and a fringe what’s so unattractive about that??!!?!?

I dont think theres anything unattractive about that hairstyle at all. However, I have read numerous times men think long hair is more attractive

[Feelinglow8736]

@BananaPop2020

I am sorry to laugh OP but honestly that Nutkin pic and your description are priceless. I am halfway through a grim quarantine period and you have massively cheered me up. I have tears running down my face 😂😂😂

Me too. I was howling at the Terry Nutkin pic.

[backwardforward]

Post a photo of your own hair OP.

[Puddingypops]

Errrr hold on girls I have a Bob and a fringe what’s so unattractive about that??!!?!?

[ViciousJackdaw]

I’d rather be sanctimonious than an out and out cunt

To be fair, you're doing well at both.

[woodhill]

Bill Bailey

[Collaborate]

Would be interested to see a venn diagram of those who think it's OK for OP to slag off her husband's hair style (and of course refuse sex unless he cuts it) and those who are incandescent when a poster's husband expresses a preference for vaginal topiary. It won't be a circle but I bet there's a significant overlap.

[CandidaAlbicans2]

He died of lukemia but not let that put you off being a shallow person
Terry Nutkin’s hairstyle had nothing to do with cancer FFS!

Are you always so vile about others appearances?
No

Imagine if someone used your picture to laugh about how ugly you were? Or your child’s?
Their opinions wouldn’t bother me; if it’s true then it wouldn’t be a shock and if it isn’t why would I care.

You can find others unattractive without posting their picture and laughing at them and snidely calling them a “handsome man” with sick face emojis like a 12 year old bully would do on whatsapp groups.
I very much doubt that Devin Townsend frequents MN or gives a flying fuck what I think about his trademark hair considering he was after the shock value.

What if a woman posted a thread about her DH telling her that he doesn’t like how she’s gained weight? Bet lots of women here would be screaming LTB.
Well yes because this is MN and the default is to be more positive towards women than men. However, I have read comments saying that the female OP, whose DH no longer fancies her because she's put on 20 stones forexample, is unreasonable to think her dramatic appearance change wouldn't affect how her DH sees her. Loving a life partner and finding them physically attractive are usually linked, but not necessarily. A radical change of appearance comes with risks in relationships, like it or not.