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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit fishy?

313 replies

MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 11:38

I know this is a minor gripe, but the principle of it is bugging me and I feel awful for doubting my mum. Sorry it's a bit long.

I asked for a particular bedding set for Christmas from my parents and not much else. I've loved it for ages but there's always something more practical or sensible I need for the house, so I can never justify getting it. I checked parents were happy to spend that much on 1 set of double bedding and 1 extra pair of pillowcases. They were. I did the online order on mum's iPad with her details- she asked me to. I am 99% sure I included the extra pair of the pillowcases. I remember checking it was ok with my parents. The set is also a tricky colour to match so it was easier to buy 4 from the same place. The brand only recently started selling pillow cases separately to the duvet cover, too- another reason I'd not bought them previously. I remember saying that.

It arrived no problem, I was thrilled to open bedding on xmas day plus a fitted sheet to go with it, that I'd not expected but had planned to get myself. I was also busy with helping to keep the show on the road so busy and preoccupied and didn't linger over my gifts.

Anyway, it's sheet change tomorrow, and I felt a little niggle, so I've just checked and I only have 2 pillowcases for my new bedding I've been v excited to use. I've asked my mum to check and she found the paper receipt just listing the 1 set of double bedding. I asked for the original email receipt since I'm sure I ordered extra pillow cases. The email receipt cannot be found anywhere in her inbox or in deleted emails. She usually keeps EVERYTHING and is fairly computer literate, I just did the ordering since she was busy. She's immediately suggested I order more.

AIBU to find this fishy and to think she's rung up or emailed to cancel my extras? My mum also has form for being a bit wily or using "technicalities" to her favour when she thinks she'll get away with it so I don't completely trust her anymore. She also v quickly commented that "most people just have plain" on extra pillowcases. She definitely has the nerve to style this out, too. She's a cool customer.

I honestly don't mind paying for more myself especially since they got me a fitted sheet instead- I just wish they'd said so I could've sorted something out pre Christmas and pre being all excited to FINALLY use my lovely dream bedding. I just want to know if it was my mistake in the first place. The lack of the original email - where I can see if I made a cock up, is bothering me. Will email myself a copy next time. I don't want a fight and I hope I'm being U ...

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 30/12/2020 11:40

Non event. If you can afford to just buy another set. Would you really want this to be the battle you pick with your mum.

GoldfishParade · 30/12/2020 11:41

It's nice your parents still buy you expensive gifts as an adult.

If you post a pic I'm sure posters will find you a pillow case match.

I've never had four matching pillow cases only two.

You're wasting time and emotion on this.

CareBear50 · 30/12/2020 11:42

From what you've said OP, I think your mum could be telling porky pies.

Did you check her deleted email folder?

DressingGownofDoom · 30/12/2020 11:43

When someone gets you a gift you're supposed to say thanks, not stamp your feet because it didn't come with extras and demand to see evidence that everything you wanted was ordered Confused

Winterwoollies · 30/12/2020 11:43

This is a little bit entitled and a very weird ‘problem’.

QuantumJump · 30/12/2020 11:44

At the end of the day it's a present. The giver can choose not to give the full present that was asked for if they wish, especially as it sounds like this was still a generous present.

longtompot · 30/12/2020 11:46

I use two matching pillow cases and two contrasting ones. I think it's a case of picking your battles. Is this worth falling out with your mum over?

Original poster
MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 11:48

@LouiseTrees- I don't want a row but I don't just want to let it go if she's trying to be sneaky. She HATES being questioned on anything and she's definitely gone back on herself before and lied so I'm loath to just write it off without seeing the original, IYSWIM. My friends have called her over powering and domineering so it's more about not looking a pushover.

Happy to buy myself spares.

OP posts:
FuckImABitch · 30/12/2020 11:48

They bought you a present. You say ‘thank you’ whether you like it or not and move on. You don’t demand receipts and email confirmations because it’s not exactly what you wanted (and ordered yourself??).

Just ask for cash next time if you think you’re getting a rough deal.

Mousehole10 · 30/12/2020 11:49

@DressingGownofDoom

When someone gets you a gift you're supposed to say thanks, not stamp your feet because it didn't come with extras and demand to see evidence that everything you wanted was ordered Confused
This. You sound very ungrateful for your present. Just order more
TheThingWithFeathers · 30/12/2020 11:49

Did you have to set up an account on the website to place the online order? Could you check the details that way?

I do think you should just buy yourself the extra pillowcases, but I understand why it's annoying if you thought you had already ordered them.

Whatwouldscullydo · 30/12/2020 11:51

If she deleted the email it would be in the recycle bin wouldn't it.

A little strange she deleted it from 2 folders and its just that email missing.

I think the issue is more why cant adults act like adults and just say. If you don't want to or can't afford to or there are restrictions just bloody say.

Its a bit weird to say you will buy something then amend the order afterwards or only get half of what you said you would.

No one is obliged to buy anyone anything so I dont understand why they play silly games instead of just setting boundaries or saying no.

Godimabitch · 30/12/2020 11:51

I think you're right that she change the order. It's not really about not getting you what you want. But changing it after agreeing and hiding it. You could have bought the extras yourself but they've caused you more work and tried to lie.

Theres no point pushing it, just bear it in mind next time and be prepared for unexpected changes.

Whatisapension · 30/12/2020 11:51

Can you remember the total price when ordering and does it match the amount on the paper receipts?

Do the pillow cases come individually or sets of 2? I wonder if you’ve added 2, thinking it would be sets but they are individual so you should have added 4 (I’ve done this with curtains before!)

inappropriateraspberry · 30/12/2020 11:52

I'd be concerned that she may have been overcharged for the bedding, but if not then it's a shame if she's changed the order. However, I wouldn't make a fuss about it, just get some plain pillowcases to go with it. I don't know anyone who has four matching ones, just 2 nice ones on the top!

Original poster
MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 11:53

I'm not denying it's a generous present and I can find spares myself since I know where they're from.

The cost is NOT a problem- I ASKED first and they said yes precisely because I didn't want to presume. They also got me other things I never asked for or expected, some more expensive. I am grateful. What bothers me is the missing email so I can see if it was my error or not- which it may well be, especially since I've stopped completely trusting her.

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 30/12/2020 11:54

Only two pillowcases will be on display Hmm if you need four pillows, use plain pillowcases for the ones underneath.
Or buy two more yourself.
YABU to harangue your mother about it.

Terracottasaur · 30/12/2020 11:56

When someone gets you a gift you're supposed to say thanks, not stamp your feet because it didn't come with extras and demand to see evidence that everything you wanted was ordered

Indeed

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/12/2020 11:57

I am sorry but... Do you honestly think your mum went through cancelling and reordering just for... Waht? Pissing you off?
That's just plain weird

MiddlesexGirl · 30/12/2020 11:57

But why does it matter if she cancelled the extra pillowcases? It's up to her what she gets you and maybe she didn't want to admit that she hadn't got you all that you asked for.

XiCi · 30/12/2020 11:58

Well you know your own mum best but I can't imagine for the life of me why she would go to all the trouble of phoning and cancelling a pair of pillow cases when she had suggested that you get them. Demanding you see her email receipts after she has shown you the paper one sounds really ungrateful and a bit unhinged.

DrManhattan · 30/12/2020 11:58

Omg id go no contact.
Wtf am I reading Hmm

Whatwouldscullydo · 30/12/2020 11:59

Not really I mean if they were ordered then the order received is incomplete which means someone needs to get the refund organised or find out if its coming at a later date

Stargazer2404 · 30/12/2020 12:00

Agree with the above posters, i think just buy it yourself. I wouldnt bother with the whole checking for deleted emails. If your mum has infact gone and changed the order, that means she couldnt or didnt want to get it. Just appreciate what youve got

Clymene · 30/12/2020 12:00

So you think your mum rang or emailed to change the order and deleted all records of not only the original order but the revised order, simply to mess with your head?

Even though it's not about the money because she bought you a load of other stuff too?

Confused
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