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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit fishy?

313 replies

MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 11:38

I know this is a minor gripe, but the principle of it is bugging me and I feel awful for doubting my mum. Sorry it's a bit long.

I asked for a particular bedding set for Christmas from my parents and not much else. I've loved it for ages but there's always something more practical or sensible I need for the house, so I can never justify getting it. I checked parents were happy to spend that much on 1 set of double bedding and 1 extra pair of pillowcases. They were. I did the online order on mum's iPad with her details- she asked me to. I am 99% sure I included the extra pair of the pillowcases. I remember checking it was ok with my parents. The set is also a tricky colour to match so it was easier to buy 4 from the same place. The brand only recently started selling pillow cases separately to the duvet cover, too- another reason I'd not bought them previously. I remember saying that.

It arrived no problem, I was thrilled to open bedding on xmas day plus a fitted sheet to go with it, that I'd not expected but had planned to get myself. I was also busy with helping to keep the show on the road so busy and preoccupied and didn't linger over my gifts.

Anyway, it's sheet change tomorrow, and I felt a little niggle, so I've just checked and I only have 2 pillowcases for my new bedding I've been v excited to use. I've asked my mum to check and she found the paper receipt just listing the 1 set of double bedding. I asked for the original email receipt since I'm sure I ordered extra pillow cases. The email receipt cannot be found anywhere in her inbox or in deleted emails. She usually keeps EVERYTHING and is fairly computer literate, I just did the ordering since she was busy. She's immediately suggested I order more.

AIBU to find this fishy and to think she's rung up or emailed to cancel my extras? My mum also has form for being a bit wily or using "technicalities" to her favour when she thinks she'll get away with it so I don't completely trust her anymore. She also v quickly commented that "most people just have plain" on extra pillowcases. She definitely has the nerve to style this out, too. She's a cool customer.

I honestly don't mind paying for more myself especially since they got me a fitted sheet instead- I just wish they'd said so I could've sorted something out pre Christmas and pre being all excited to FINALLY use my lovely dream bedding. I just want to know if it was my mistake in the first place. The lack of the original email - where I can see if I made a cock up, is bothering me. Will email myself a copy next time. I don't want a fight and I hope I'm being U ...

OP posts:
ChronicallyCurious · 30/12/2020 13:17
Confused
nettie434 · 30/12/2020 13:19

I would have assumed your mum changed the order to something she thought was 'better' too. Even if she has been charged for two pillowcases she didn't receive, she is clearly not concerned about it so I would leave it and enjoy your new bedding. You are now in the driving seat as you have asked her why the order was different. If she did change it, she knows you know and that is a way of countering any power games.

Hesma · 30/12/2020 13:19

😴😴😴

BessMarvin · 30/12/2020 13:21

OP I think I kind get it. For one thing it would bug me if I was sure I'd ordered them. And also with the situation of what you say your mum is like then there's obviously a lot more going on.

However have you not been reading aibu lately? So many posters falling over themselves to make even the most reasonable op seem like they are wrong. So this sort of situation is really just handing it to them on a plate unfortunately.

Hailtomyteeth · 30/12/2020 13:22

@MrsToothyBitch

Is there a link for the bedding? Have I missed it? I would be really interested ... is it very nice? I like nice bedding. Seriously.

nosswith · 30/12/2020 13:22

Your mum can be difficult, I realise. Though minor compared to some of the examples I read on MN.

Not worth any more energy being spent on it.

ivfbabymomma1 · 30/12/2020 13:23

In the nicest possibly way, I would have thanked her and not questioned anything and ordered my own. I couldn't bring myself to ask where the rest of my Xmas present was! It sounds so cheeky!

DianaT1969 · 30/12/2020 13:23

Are you and your mother quite alike? I'm trying to say this with kindness, but your reaction is strange and you don't come out of this better than your mother, even if she did cancel an order for 2 pillowcases. Do you enjoy confrontation or holding people to their word in a zealous way?
Most people would think "Oh bugger, I must have messed up the order" or "they weren't in stock when it came time to ship them. I'll order more." Even if you suspect your mum changed the order and wants to avoid confrontation by not admitting that, you still wouldn't give it this much headspace, because she bought additional items of a similar value.

Pringlemonster · 30/12/2020 13:24

Cant remember the last time my mum bought me a gift
Lucky you ,a nice bedding set ,what a lovely mum you have

SoupDragon · 30/12/2020 13:24

The email receipt cannot be found anywhere in her inbox or in deleted emails.

If it went to her spam folder it would probably have been automatically deleted after a while.

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2020 13:25

A sheet costs more the pillowcases

I like matching but happy with 2 of pattern to match duvet and 2 white or cream

Let’s see the duvet and sure we can match or find similar

Or buy white for the underneath

BessMarvin · 30/12/2020 13:25

@Pringlemonster

Cant remember the last time my mum bought me a gift Lucky you ,a nice bedding set ,what a lovely mum you have
Throwing money at something doesn't necessarily equal nice person
Blondeshavemorefun · 30/12/2020 13:26

And ditto to those who don’t get pressies any more from parents

Think mine stopped at 30

Joinedjustforthispost · 30/12/2020 13:28

Bratty and ungrateful indeed, it was a gift you don’t get to demand what people spend there money on, your mum got you what you requested just not the extras . Is your mum struggling financially? Maybe a bit embarrassed to say sorry dd I can’t afford both? Yabu.

alecguinnessgenuineclass · 30/12/2020 13:28

She is probably lying, but let it go. It's only a couple of pillowcases and it's really not worth having an argument over a point of principle. Just buy yourself the replacements and move on.

PeacefulPlease · 30/12/2020 13:28

Just buy the extra pillow cases yourself - she bought you the sheet as well didnt she which probably cost more than the pillow cases anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️ ...I wish all my problems were that simple 🙄

Lipz · 30/12/2020 13:29

Oh lordy all this over 2 pillowcases. Cancelling orders, deleting emails, lying etc. Could it just be you ordered the wrong thing?

People delete emails, unless these pillowcases are made from pure silk and cost a small fortune and you know 100% you ordered them then I'd ring the seller, all you need is your order number, this is on the delivery docket in the packaging.

Or maybe the seller put a sheet in by mistake, lots of people under pressure getting orders out.

Superfoodie123 · 30/12/2020 13:29

You sound a bit spoilt, ot maybe your parents were a bit tight with you growing up. Mine were really kind which means in my grown up years I actually don't want them to spend money on me because of all they've done. Checking emails etc whats the point move on doesnt matter

RedskyAtnight · 30/12/2020 13:32

OP - if your mother is controlling then stop giving her power over you. By suggesting you buy a gift that you want and you know is more expensive than usual, you've done just that. How much head space have you spent thinking about this? More control over you. Next year just say you don't mind what she gets. I know it's hard to mentally separate from a parent, but you seem to be stuck in a dynamic where you know what she's like, but you keep letting her do the same thing over and over again.

Original poster
MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 13:32

@Apollo3- not intentionally, other than typing faster than I think, for which I apologised ? I probably am a bit paranoid when it comes to my mum though- hence the thread. I kind of expected to be told I was, it's just a niggle I had and didn't like. I've been gas-lit by someone else before though, so I know my thoughts occasionally run that way...

Whoever said we both like to be right is probably correct and that's probably it. I do know people find her overpowering... and I feel I have to "fight it" now to have some space. DP has had a word because she won't leave my appearance alone and he asked if I realised I was saying "but mum will say xyz" or worrying about everything I wore. I hadn't. I wait for the "but" in every opinion but just want to please her. Not doing things "her" way came quite late to me, for fear of upsetting her or reprisals.

Also @fiestymumma - I don't have a problem with my friends saying that about her. I love her to bits but sometimes I'll ask for their insight on something she's said. They'll say if it's me but they don't hold back on her out of respect for me, either. I'd never tell her. It's not always just my friends, either ... teachers, a consultant, my colleagues.

I'm going out to run a few jobs now & help DP rebuild his PC, so sorry if I stop replying but thank you. It's been a good read- good AND bad, but please don't assume I'm not grateful. I am, I just had a feeling I needed to shake based on a few little past incidents and you've honestly helped me shake it. I did ask to be told. Special thanks to everyone who saw past the sheets! I do also have a couple of hypnotherapy sessions booked soon, too. I don't really want to feel this way about my mother.

OP posts:
Amira19 · 30/12/2020 13:32

This has to be there with one of those silliest threads I've ever read on mns over pillow cases get a grip be thankful you have a mother some dont.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 30/12/2020 13:32

Have only read the OP comments so don't know if this had been asked but could you have ordered the fitted sheet instead of the pillow cases by mistake?
Or could the company have sent the fitted sheet instead of the pillow cases in error which is why your mum has "lost" the email?

MartiniDry · 30/12/2020 13:36

Why would you accept a gift from someone you've "stopped completely trusting"?

If that's your view of your mother, combined with having the cheek to question her and going through her emails about something which you didn't pay for, you might ask yourself why it's morally acceptable to take from her.

HelenUrth · 30/12/2020 13:40

Amira19 that has to be up there with one of the silliest replies I've seen. Some of us have manipulative gaslighting bitches for mothers. It is not the case that any sort of living mother is better than a deceased one. Get a grip.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 13:40

not intentionally, other than typing faster than I think, for which I apologised ?

OP, you directly contradicted yourself multiple times. You're not coming across well...now you love your mother to bits but you encourage your friends to say horrible things about her and then you repeat them online?
You call her sly but youre going through her emails for reciepts for gifts to try and catch her out for somehting you imagine she did, that sounds ridiculous?

You sound bonkers, and paranoid, and spoiled and mean.