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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit fishy?

313 replies

MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 11:38

I know this is a minor gripe, but the principle of it is bugging me and I feel awful for doubting my mum. Sorry it's a bit long.

I asked for a particular bedding set for Christmas from my parents and not much else. I've loved it for ages but there's always something more practical or sensible I need for the house, so I can never justify getting it. I checked parents were happy to spend that much on 1 set of double bedding and 1 extra pair of pillowcases. They were. I did the online order on mum's iPad with her details- she asked me to. I am 99% sure I included the extra pair of the pillowcases. I remember checking it was ok with my parents. The set is also a tricky colour to match so it was easier to buy 4 from the same place. The brand only recently started selling pillow cases separately to the duvet cover, too- another reason I'd not bought them previously. I remember saying that.

It arrived no problem, I was thrilled to open bedding on xmas day plus a fitted sheet to go with it, that I'd not expected but had planned to get myself. I was also busy with helping to keep the show on the road so busy and preoccupied and didn't linger over my gifts.

Anyway, it's sheet change tomorrow, and I felt a little niggle, so I've just checked and I only have 2 pillowcases for my new bedding I've been v excited to use. I've asked my mum to check and she found the paper receipt just listing the 1 set of double bedding. I asked for the original email receipt since I'm sure I ordered extra pillow cases. The email receipt cannot be found anywhere in her inbox or in deleted emails. She usually keeps EVERYTHING and is fairly computer literate, I just did the ordering since she was busy. She's immediately suggested I order more.

AIBU to find this fishy and to think she's rung up or emailed to cancel my extras? My mum also has form for being a bit wily or using "technicalities" to her favour when she thinks she'll get away with it so I don't completely trust her anymore. She also v quickly commented that "most people just have plain" on extra pillowcases. She definitely has the nerve to style this out, too. She's a cool customer.

I honestly don't mind paying for more myself especially since they got me a fitted sheet instead- I just wish they'd said so I could've sorted something out pre Christmas and pre being all excited to FINALLY use my lovely dream bedding. I just want to know if it was my mistake in the first place. The lack of the original email - where I can see if I made a cock up, is bothering me. Will email myself a copy next time. I don't want a fight and I hope I'm being U ...

OP posts:
Lookslikerainted · 30/12/2020 12:59

So no history of gaslighting? No big back story? You both sound like you have to be right against all odds. She can’t be questioned and you can’t be wrong.

XiCi · 30/12/2020 13:01

I really want to see this duvet cover and pillow cases now Smile

ILoveShula · 30/12/2020 13:02

@inappropriateraspberry, it's not about the sheet, it's about your mother asking you what you wanted and ordering something she thought was better, and then making up white lies about it.
My mother has form for this, and for lying about why she got the 'better' thing.

feistymumma · 30/12/2020 13:03

I would think getting a matching sheet was better than two extra matching pillow cases. Why would you want to play all Columbo with your mother? Even if she changed it so what? What would you benefit from knowing she did that? Can you not just read between the lines and be respectful instead of wanting to have one up on your mother? A complete non story and for the record I wouldn't entertain my friends labelling my mother either.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 13:03

it's not about the sheet, it's about your mother asking you what you wanted and ordering something she thought was better, and then making up white lies about it

Theres no evidence to suggest that happened, excepy in OP's and your paranoid little minds.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/12/2020 13:06

@MrsToothyBitch. I don't think you are being unreasonable in principle, and it sounds like it's part of a long running pattern. My mother would do something like this, possibly, and would also refuse to admit she had cancelled an order, if she indeed had. So, I don't think you are going to get anywhere here. There will potentially be a major row, and you will not win, as she may well be prepared to just uphold her position regardless of the truth. If it were my mother, be assured that she would not be missing part of the order that she had paid for without addressing it, and getting her money back, so I think you are unecessarily concerned about this aspect.

littlebirdworrying · 30/12/2020 13:06

@princessjasmineofagrabah

Op, this will sound harsh but you honestly need a reality check. Of all the threads on here, this is the most entitled and frankly pathetic thing I've ever read. You sound spoilt beyond compare. Put the bedding on with other cases - you only see the top two ffs. This is a non problem. Stop arguing over it. Stop making out your mother is some kind of master mind deviant because she bought what YOU asked for, and a sheet instead of some bloody pillow cases. Which Frankly is more practical. If this is causing genuine angst and suspicion, it genuinely sounds like you need counselling. It's absolutely not normal to be so worked up over a generous gift. If it's a genuine problem, get help. If not - get a grip. Grow up. Move on.
This...in bucket loads!!
Wheresmykimchi · 30/12/2020 13:06

@Apollo3

it's not about the sheet, it's about your mother asking you what you wanted and ordering something she thought was better, and then making up white lies about it

Theres no evidence to suggest that happened, excepy in OP's and your paranoid little minds.

Not necessarily but I think this in response to PP saying she had every right to order two instead of four.
Eugenieonegin · 30/12/2020 13:06

@katy1213

I'd hate to get on the wrong side of you over something that actually mattered!
I agree.
Original poster
MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 13:07

@Witchend - fair Grin. Believe it or not, I usually have a pretty good memory, just a bit all over the place today.

@YouokHun the "forensic investigation" is me saying "I'm sure I ordered that, can I check the email to see if I left it off, so I can rectify it myself if so?" I'd show her mine in this instance. Both ex retail so not shy around costs/receipts etc, and I taught her how to inbox search - for her own benefit, and she's very good. We're quite an organised family- coping mechanism for dyspraxia (bar when I'm typing in a hurry and don't keep track of myself, I really do apologise on that one).

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 30/12/2020 13:07

Yea I assume she has a cancelled the pillowcases and bought a sheet Instead.

Else she would have said that the order arrived, was a sheet rather than the extra pillow cases and was that okay or you want it swapped? (Ether shop mistake or original order mistake)

She must have done a second order to get a sheet anyway.

All odd.

Fuzzmutt · 30/12/2020 13:08

We don't "do" presents any more, it saves a lot of angst.

corythatwas · 30/12/2020 13:10

IF (and it's a big if) she is willing to go to these lengths just to mess with your head, then there is a very simple way you can take that away from her. Just ignore it! No head-messing, no control from her side, doesn't make you look unhinged if you're wrong, doesn't give her the satisfaction if you're right.

ILoveShula · 30/12/2020 13:10

I should add that my mother is very nice and well-meaning but the lies did my head in.

Why not say, 'I changed it, because I thought it was better' instead of the 'it was out of stock' or 'they sent the wrong thing' or 'I didn't get a receipt'.

inappropriateraspberry · 30/12/2020 13:11

@ILoveShula I didn't say anything about a sheet? I agreed that it needs checking as there may have been an error somewhere.

HoppingPavlova · 30/12/2020 13:13

Normal people would just assume the store made a cock-up and put in a sheet instead of the pillowcases, figure that worked to their advantage, be happy and then just order the additional pillowcases. You however have managed to twist it into a drama, claim conniving gaslighting parent etc. Just be happy with your gift, stop the dramatics, grow up and move on.

dottiedodah · 30/12/2020 13:13

The run up to Christmas is always busy .It may be that the order was misinterpretated ,or that maybe Mum felt the extra 2 pillowcases were not needed.I think as she has treated you to this rather luxurious item then it would be churlish to complain about it really .

CreamFacedLoon · 30/12/2020 13:14

I really, really need to see this bedding set and know how much these pillow cases cost.

ittakes2 · 30/12/2020 13:15

If you ordered it - why are you not puzzled there is a fitted shit you were not expecting? Its likely the shop accidentally included a fitted sheet rather than the pillowcases. I am not sure why this is a big deal - ring the shop and ask about the order or just order two more pillow cases. If you ordered online there is likely you set up an account with the record on this?

ILoveShula · 30/12/2020 13:15

Sorry, you didn't. My speed reading malfunction.

I'd just let it go, but with a passive aggressive comment that you have ordered the pillow cases.

I have every sympathy with you and as usual you got the MN response from some.

Fuzzmutt · 30/12/2020 13:15

"Fishy" is such an interesting adjective.

BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 13:16

Phone the bedding Company up.. ask them Flowers

billy1966 · 30/12/2020 13:16

Perhaps she changed the pillow cases for a sheet thinking you had ordered in error.

Your gut is telling you something based on your history.

You are probably right.

carreterra · 30/12/2020 13:16

Ikea's double and king bedding sets used to include an extra pair of pillowcases, not sure if they're still as generous.

YouokHun · 30/12/2020 13:17

@titsaleena

I get it op. I think anyone who doesn’t hasn’t grown up with a sly controlling parent. It’s not at all really about the poxy pillowcases!! You already know what has happened. Your mother didn’t agree with your choice and changed it. You would rather her just say this.

She will never ever admit to it.

And it’s a case of “if you want someone to change their behaviour first change your own” so the mulling over the motives, the checking, the search of emails to get proof, that’s all pointless. This is only a problem if the OP makes it one. I think your conclusion is the right one OP, don’t pursue it and actually don’t give it anymore of your time. If you confirm that she changed the order then what does it achieve?
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