Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit fishy?

313 replies

MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 11:38

I know this is a minor gripe, but the principle of it is bugging me and I feel awful for doubting my mum. Sorry it's a bit long.

I asked for a particular bedding set for Christmas from my parents and not much else. I've loved it for ages but there's always something more practical or sensible I need for the house, so I can never justify getting it. I checked parents were happy to spend that much on 1 set of double bedding and 1 extra pair of pillowcases. They were. I did the online order on mum's iPad with her details- she asked me to. I am 99% sure I included the extra pair of the pillowcases. I remember checking it was ok with my parents. The set is also a tricky colour to match so it was easier to buy 4 from the same place. The brand only recently started selling pillow cases separately to the duvet cover, too- another reason I'd not bought them previously. I remember saying that.

It arrived no problem, I was thrilled to open bedding on xmas day plus a fitted sheet to go with it, that I'd not expected but had planned to get myself. I was also busy with helping to keep the show on the road so busy and preoccupied and didn't linger over my gifts.

Anyway, it's sheet change tomorrow, and I felt a little niggle, so I've just checked and I only have 2 pillowcases for my new bedding I've been v excited to use. I've asked my mum to check and she found the paper receipt just listing the 1 set of double bedding. I asked for the original email receipt since I'm sure I ordered extra pillow cases. The email receipt cannot be found anywhere in her inbox or in deleted emails. She usually keeps EVERYTHING and is fairly computer literate, I just did the ordering since she was busy. She's immediately suggested I order more.

AIBU to find this fishy and to think she's rung up or emailed to cancel my extras? My mum also has form for being a bit wily or using "technicalities" to her favour when she thinks she'll get away with it so I don't completely trust her anymore. She also v quickly commented that "most people just have plain" on extra pillowcases. She definitely has the nerve to style this out, too. She's a cool customer.

I honestly don't mind paying for more myself especially since they got me a fitted sheet instead- I just wish they'd said so I could've sorted something out pre Christmas and pre being all excited to FINALLY use my lovely dream bedding. I just want to know if it was my mistake in the first place. The lack of the original email - where I can see if I made a cock up, is bothering me. Will email myself a copy next time. I don't want a fight and I hope I'm being U ...

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 30/12/2020 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

partyatthepalace · 30/12/2020 12:01

You might be right re you mum. But let it go - order them yourself.

Mehmehmeh19 · 30/12/2020 12:01

Maybe she likes them and kept them when they arrived. I'd just suck it up and order some more

Timeforabiscuit · 30/12/2020 12:01

I get it, as it's a subtle form of control masked with a kind act, my mum would do similar if she knew best (as if my choices weren't the right ones).

It cropped up in minor, but irritating ways! But like you say it's the covert nature which makes you feel like your going crazy!

In the end I just never ever asked for things, and limited the detail I shared with her.

Whatwouldscullydo · 30/12/2020 12:09

In the end I just never ever asked for things, and limited the detail I shared with her

Yes I've had that from family too in a way. We never ever asked for anything. We the 2 of us and the kids understand people don't always have money so we never asked and woukd always say, just come see us, or give us a call.

But then they would ask for suggestions where we explained what we were getting and give them the option to chip in and we'd say it was from every one. Theb thet woukd say no its fine they would get them an X. So instead of being able to use black Friday deals or outstanding credit or offers that were running where we could have got it cheaper or a better one for the same price , we'd end up having to buy whT we were going to get originally at full price because they went with something else

I mean that was always fine we never pressured then to get anything bit its really annoying when they have told your kid they are getting something then they get something totally different that's totally not what they are in to ..

Why ask? Just bloody say if its a problem what are they so afraid of

Nousernameforme · 30/12/2020 12:09

If you think she is gaslighting you over this and has form for it, try and take the power back don't keep on to her asking for proof as she will know she has got to you. Just buy them yourself put it all together send her a pic saying doesn't it look lovely just what i wanted thank you. Then in future don't ask her for anything and try to let it go.

Bing765 · 30/12/2020 12:09

I think your mum's seen that you've ordered 2 pillowcases, seen that the bedding set came with 2 pillowcases and cancelled the extra thinking maybe you hadn't noticed they were included. When you've mentioned you wanted all 4 matching she's realised her mistake and doesn't want to admit it so offered to buy you some more.

Palavah · 30/12/2020 12:10

This is not the occasion on which to pull up your mum for being sneaky. It's a gift. Focus your energy on ordering your extra set.

Original poster
MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 12:10

@inappropriateraspberry - this is my other worry - that she's been charged for something that didn't show up and now can't find the email! I feel bad that my first thought was suspicious about her but I have asked about this too. I am going there later to drop off her shopping and a bottle of NYE champagne so if she offers/asks me to look, I will but otherwise I won't. She does have a slightly wiley side though, I don't trust her quite as completely as I used to!

For people saying I should be grateful for the present etc, I am. We're a pretty direct bunch- we do lists for Christmas and birthdays and we're honest if stuff is late or out of stock or whatever. I want to check the email to see if I made a mistake tbh. If she did change her mind, I just wish she'd told me! I don't bite! We're pretty close! They've thanked me for putting in a lot of work over Christmas, too.

Also, none of my other pillow cases are four the same, I like them to "go"/match but not necessarily the exact same. I just hadn't had much luck finding stuff I liked to go this time. I did ask before hand if it was ok.

OP posts:
Nnkk · 30/12/2020 12:11

Use plain pillowcases for the ones on the bottom or buy yourself more.

quirkyquails · 30/12/2020 12:11

Is this an argument that is worth having? I'd just buy yourself the pillowcases and let it go.

Lookslikerainted · 30/12/2020 12:13

Is this a joke? Get over it.

Original poster
MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 12:14

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay - the first two statements in the vile spew that passes for your post are not my words. The third is things my friends, colleagues and partner - have said based on seeing her with me/hearing things she said. The fourth I'll admit to. But it breaks my heart I've had to say it.

OP posts:
PleasantVille · 30/12/2020 12:16

Trying to change an online order at Christmas in a pandemic sounds like quite the task. Even in normal times how easy is it to do that?

Why don't you ring the seller and check what was on the order, tell them you think they might have missed something when it was packed.

midnightstar66 · 30/12/2020 12:16

I'd assume they sent the sheet in stead of the cases by mistake or you must ordered. Assume the sheet was more expensive it would have been odd to go in and remove something from your order yet add something else.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 12:17

Jesus, who acts like this?

IF she cancelled the pillowcases and got you a sheet instead...well she can do that if she wants. You say thank you and nothing else.
IF the company messed it up and she doesn't care enough to chase it, thats not your business and you say thank you and nothing else.

IF your mother is sneaky and domineering, it sounds very much like you take after her. Say thank you for the present, and buy your own pillowcases if they mean that much to you!

bloodyhairy · 30/12/2020 12:18

Holy moly, I felt like a saddo last night when I posted a photo of my beloved dog on FB.
Next time I need a reality check, I'll reread your post. Wink

Lookslikerainted · 30/12/2020 12:19

Reading your updates I’m not sure your mum is the domineering one. You sound like you want the AH HA I was right, you were wrong moment. In reality, it’s up to the gift giver to give what they want/think is appropriate. Just let it go, you sound like a bit of a controlling pain in the side.

Nnkk · 30/12/2020 12:22

If it’s so hard to match, why did you not want pillowcases and fitted sheet? What’s the big deal about pillow cases being different and not the sheet?

I don’t get it.

Aprilx · 30/12/2020 12:22

[quote MrsToothyBitch]@LouiseTrees- I don't want a row but I don't just want to let it go if she's trying to be sneaky. She HATES being questioned on anything and she's definitely gone back on herself before and lied so I'm loath to just write it off without seeing the original, IYSWIM. My friends have called her over powering and domineering so it's more about not looking a pushover.

Happy to buy myself spares.[/quote]
She was buying not you, it is her prerogative to order two pillow cases now four. Stop behaving like a spoilt brat, I cannot believe you demanded she send you copies of her private correspondence as evidence. You have no right to do this and it is just downright rude.

Buy your own pillow cases and don’t be so horrible about present receiving in future. You need to take a good look at yourself before you call anyone else over powering and domineering,

Rosebuddydo · 30/12/2020 12:22

I think if your mum did do that (which would be really crafty), then that's pretty awful actually. I would be upset if my mother behaved that way. That's a massive IF your mum did this.

WildfirePonie · 30/12/2020 12:24

Maybe your mum kept them for herself?

Chewbecca · 30/12/2020 12:25

Just leave it!

SunshineCake · 30/12/2020 12:26

OMG you sound ridiculous, spiteful and ungrateful. She's your mother. Stop being so unkind about her.

Ilovenewyear · 30/12/2020 12:26

Maybe she made the email disappear because she didn’t want you to see you’d made a mistake on the original order?

I was on your side until you said she’d brought you other gifts in addition to this bedding, just as expensive. Sounds like she spoils you, doesn’t make sense she’d remove one set of pillow cases when she was already shelling out on all the other stuff too.