Page 4 | To find this a bit fishy?

Meowchickameowmeow · 30/12/2020 12:41

She hates to be questioned
Do you interrogate her regularly with a view to tripping her up or catching her out? Cos, I'd hate that too.

RandomUser18282 · 30/12/2020 12:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Butterymuffin · 30/12/2020 12:43

Why don't you contact the company yourself and ask if they can confirm what was included in the order? They may not but it's worth trying.

Bookworming · 30/12/2020 12:44

@MrsToothyBitch apologies I see you said illiterate .. my mistake!

But nevertheless let it go! Enjoy your present and sheet!

Wheresmykimchi · 30/12/2020 12:44

@MrsToothyBitch

I know this is a minor gripe, but the principle of it is bugging me and I feel awful for doubting my mum. Sorry it's a bit long.

I asked for a particular bedding set for Christmas from my parents and not much else. I've loved it for ages but there's always something more practical or sensible I need for the house, so I can never justify getting it. I checked parents were happy to spend that much on 1 set of double bedding and 1 extra pair of pillowcases. They were. I did the online order on mum's iPad with her details- she asked me to. I am 99% sure I included the extra pair of the pillowcases. I remember checking it was ok with my parents. The set is also a tricky colour to match so it was easier to buy 4 from the same place. The brand only recently started selling pillow cases separately to the duvet cover, too- another reason I'd not bought them previously. I remember saying that.

It arrived no problem, I was thrilled to open bedding on xmas day plus a fitted sheet to go with it, that I'd not expected but had planned to get myself. I was also busy with helping to keep the show on the road so busy and preoccupied and didn't linger over my gifts.

Anyway, it's sheet change tomorrow, and I felt a little niggle, so I've just checked and I only have 2 pillowcases for my new bedding I've been v excited to use. I've asked my mum to check and she found the paper receipt just listing the 1 set of double bedding. I asked for the original email receipt since I'm sure I ordered extra pillow cases. The email receipt cannot be found anywhere in her inbox or in deleted emails. She usually keeps EVERYTHING and is fairly computer literate, I just did the ordering since she was busy. She's immediately suggested I order more.

AIBU to find this fishy and to think she's rung up or emailed to cancel my extras? My mum also has form for being a bit wily or using "technicalities" to her favour when she thinks she'll get away with it so I don't completely trust her anymore. She also v quickly commented that "most people just have plain" on extra pillowcases. She definitely has the nerve to style this out, too. She's a cool customer.

I honestly don't mind paying for more myself especially since they got me a fitted sheet instead- I just wish they'd said so I could've sorted something out pre Christmas and pre being all excited to FINALLY use my lovely dream bedding. I just want to know if it was my mistake in the first place. The lack of the original email - where I can see if I made a cock up, is bothering me. Will email myself a copy next time. I don't want a fight and I hope I'm being U ...

How did the fitted sheet end up ordered?

Does your mum have form ? I ask as my first conclusion would be the supplier.

chipsandpeas · 30/12/2020 12:45

cant you log into the website it was bought from and see the order history

FortunesFave · 30/12/2020 12:45

I don't want a row but I don't just want to let it go if she's trying to be sneaky

That sentence tells everyone on here what sort of person you are OP. It doesn't paint you in a good light.

Bookworming · 30/12/2020 12:46

cant you log into the website it was bought from and see the order history

I think some let you log out as "guest"

sararh · 30/12/2020 12:46

This isn't about the pillow cases and I find it weird that so many people are replying as if it is.

This is about OP feeling gaslighted by her mother who obviously has a history of dishonesty. As with any relationship where someone does this to you, it leaves you doubting yourself and feeling antagonised.

I'd be wanting to know exactly the same as OP so I'd know whether I was the one to blame or if my mother was being a dick and lying to my face. It would be important to me to know for my own sanity.

PortalooSunset · 30/12/2020 12:46

YABU. Did you check the confirmation email after you made the order? Possible the extra pillow cases were out of stock/unavailable initially so were not part of the order. If it were me I'd be checking dmum wasn't out of pocket having paid fir something that wasn't delivered, rather than having a tantie about not getting what I wanted.

Do you think your mum kept them? Or that she changed your order? Incidentally if she's so tech savvy why did you order them on her behalf?!

Witchend · 30/12/2020 12:49

She usually keeps EVERYTHING and is fairly computer literate,

I am 99% sure I included the extra pair of the pillowcases.

I'm fairly certain it's my error if I'm honest, and I hope it's not wasted money... but I'd feel a bit blind by NOT checking and she's not computer illiterate

I suggest next time you start a thread you try and keep track of what you've written. It adds verisimilitude.

YouokHun · 30/12/2020 12:49

Your mother can do what she likes surely, without triggering a forensic investigation of her emails? A gift isn’t for the recipient to control. If she’s paid for something she didn’t receive I’m sure she can sort it out. If she decided she didn’t want to buy extra pillow cases she didn’t have to and she didn’t need to run it by you?

In spending time mulling over what exactly has happened and checking emails etc, what’s your goal? If you find she changed the order what then?

WiddlinDiddlin · 30/12/2020 12:50

I'd want to be sure that what had been paid for was what was received.

I had a mother who would absolutely change orders, agree to things then change her mind without warning, purely because it amused her to do so (I know because she admitted it to me on several occasions).

She once set off with a shopping list to buy ingredients for a meal I was cooking, that was for some visiting friends of HERS.... and randomly decided not to purchase key ingredients because 'Oh I didn't think we needed them' or 'oh you shouldn't be eating that'...

And then berated me for having to change the menu last minute as a result, apparently I should have planned better.... ?!

I hope you get some sort of resolution here OP, its horrible when people play mind-games like this, if that is whats going on!

InsertRudeWord · 30/12/2020 12:50

I get it OP. It's not nice to be lied to by anyone, let alone a parent.

titsaleena · 30/12/2020 12:51

I get it op. I think anyone who doesn’t hasn’t grown up with a sly controlling parent. It’s not at all really about the poxy pillowcases!! You already know what has happened. Your mother didn’t agree with your choice and changed it. You would rather her just say this.

She will never ever admit to it.

LaMigraine · 30/12/2020 12:52

This would bug me too, but honestly, it's not worth it. She may well have cancelled the extra stuff, but trying to investigate and escalate the whole thing will cause a drama that I imagine will end up affecting/upsetting you far more than your mum, and to what end? You know she's sneaky, and this is just her being sneaky. Let it go. Buy yourself the extra set, take a deep breath, and move on. I don't mean that patronisingly, I just mean give yourself a break, and conserve your energy for more positive things.

Oliversmumsarmy · 30/12/2020 12:52

Why would your mum cancel pillow cases to save money (or any other reason) then purchase sheet as an extra

Because it is about control.

The mother thinks using a lesser pair of pillowcases is fine but it isn’t what MrsToothyBitch asked for and her mother agreed to.

Those who are saying to get over it or calling MrsToothyBitch ungrateful I don’t think have experienced this type of person.

It isn’t about the present it is about the lies.

Ultimately you can’t deal with people like this. Just don’t ask for anything from them and you won’t be disappointed.

Yeahnahmum · 30/12/2020 12:53

Your mum sounds dodgy. I would ring the store and get to the bottom. And if it turns out she canceled the order. . . Well.. then .. uh at least you know she is lying 🤔

LopsidedWombat · 30/12/2020 12:55

Was going to say what a pp already has... This clearly is not about the pillow cases but rather a long history of gaslighting. The op even says her mother has form. If I'm right op, it isn't you but I would drop the subject to avoid feeling like you are going mad when you know you ordered them.

Arthersleep · 30/12/2020 12:55

I think that she changed it as she thought that she knew best.

MatildaTheCat · 30/12/2020 12:56

Yes, she probably did change the order. She thought to herself that a bedding set was more complete with a matching sheet and the extra pillow cases were unnecessary. She probably didn’t expect to be forensically investigated afterwards. She probably expected her DD to be grateful and pleased.

Let it go.

Original poster

MrsToothyBitch · 30/12/2020 12:56

@Handsoffstrikesagain - thank you. Thank you very much. I love my mum to bits but just occasionally I can't quite take her at face value AND I am open to it being my mistake!

@Ilovenewyear - you're right I am. I was honestly surprised because I didn't expect anything else (bar a choccy orange, we always have a choccy orange). It's why I ask if she's happy to buy an item I've requested if she asks what I like, though.

And to the pp who asked if I regularly interrogate her, no, not at all- although she's taught me to always double check details, ask a question no matter how silly etc, but the couple of times I have asked her something - to do with finances, just to give an explicit answer to something implied, she's got very angry at being questioned by her daughter. We are usually very open with receipts and payment details for each other, and she knows where most of the important docs for my house etc are, we are financial PoA for each other should it be needed- there is trust there, in big ways... just not quite as complete as before over things that seem minor but have probably cut deeper. Hence why wondering if this is one to pursue or not. On balance, I think not...

OP posts:

Misbeehived · 30/12/2020 12:58

I’d be very unimpressed by anyone wanting to search my email or questioned my intentions. Isn’t it probable that the shop got the order mixed up if you got a sheet rather than her changing an order? I really don’t find the things you’ve described as controlling- not deciding on presents so they can be bought in Black Friday etc? Different people do things differently- it’s not “gaslighting”. Move on. For your own sake it doesn’t sound healthy to be this uptight and suspicious. Sorry to be blunt.

1forAll74 · 30/12/2020 12:59

If you sometimes don't trust your Mother,which sounds bad in itself, then it's not good to ask for any gifts if this is how you view things, and suspect that she might have duped you a bit,and cancelled something.

Apollo3 · 30/12/2020 12:59

This is about OP feeling gaslighted by her mother who obviously has a history of dishonesty

Get a grip, its clearly OP being completely dishonest here, she's contradicted herself several times already