Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child maintenance

184 replies

Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:00

I received cm for 4 children at £7 a week. I split up with my ex 4 years ago and since then he has been an absolute nightmare, refused to parent and refused to pay. He spent half the time not paying a penny but has now been paying £7 a week for over a year. I thought over the years he may finally get a job so kept the case open but 4 years down the line I’ve given up hope of that. I’ve now decided to cancel the claim because I don’t want the £7 a week, it’s a pathetic amount and just a constant reminder of how little he gets away with. It’s been really frowned upon though and people seem to think you should claim it no matter what even if it is pennies, I’ve even been told it’s not my money it’s theirs Confused and that I would be “depriving” them of it and they will be missing out. It works out to £1.75 a week per child not sure how cancelling it can be seen as depriving them in anyway. Has anyone else cancelled cm or just decided not to claim at all?

OP posts:
ZoeTurtle · 29/12/2020 14:04

Those people are right - cancelling it is nonsensical. If he's on benefits then £7 will actually make a difference to him, if not to you, so think of it that way?

SeasonFinale · 29/12/2020 14:04

Personally I would take the £7 simply for the reason if you refuse to take it he may one day say to your kids that you refused CM and that is why you didn't have x and couldn't do y. If you have evidence that all he paid was £7 he will look like the bad guy he is rather than put it on to you.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:05

It doesn’t make a difference to him, he has other ways of getting money, and he also receives pip.

OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 29/12/2020 14:05

I agree, keep claiming it.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:06

I doubt the kids will be asking, my mum didn’t get cm for me, I asked her why and she said my dad wasn’t working so no point. I’ve never considered that wrong or bad and my dad also never claimed he tried to pay etc.

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 29/12/2020 14:07

Keep claiming it out of principle if nothing else. No one will thank you for cancelling the claim.

beelola · 29/12/2020 14:08

I'd leave it open in case he starts working in the future. £7 a week is just over £300 a year. Think of it as a contribution to Christmas or a takeaway a month!

Matilda1981 · 29/12/2020 14:09

CMS recently got in touch with me to say my ex was now on benefits so I wasn’t entitled to anything! I will reinvestigate, I’ve never had any money; initially assessed at £9 a week and then he queried this so I asked for further investigations into his earnings and then I was supposed to get £132 a week but as he was paying himself wages through his own limited company he dropped it t zero so he couldn’t pay me anything, latest is he’s on benefits and can’t pay me anything! Such a list!

If I were you I would put the £7 a week into an account for the children - this comes to over £350 a year so you could either save it or take them on a weekend away with it. I know £7 a week is crap but it does add up if you save it!

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:09

I’m not going to try to see the positives of £7, saying it works out to x amount a year etc to me is like saying well it’s not that bad then? He won’t get a job. I’m certain of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:11

Matilda1981

Yes my ex was the same which is why he got away with it for so long, he was on benefits but didn’t have to pay, cms said it’s because he had “priority debts” and he didn’t have to pay anything until they were paid off, also no arrears as those on benefits don’t pay arrears

OP posts:
StoneColdBitch · 29/12/2020 14:18

It's £364 a year, tax-free - it's not nothing. As a PP said, you could order a takeaway once a month, even if you don't have other more pressing things to spend it on.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/12/2020 14:20

Keep it. Close your eyes when you see it going in. Or buy premium bonds with it on same day direct debit. That would be a sweet win.

As an aside, it's ridiculous that it's legal to have children and then not provide for them (if you're able).

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:21

And some people get £364 a month! I don’t get the trying to make out it’s not that bad, and it’s not “nothing” it’s £1.75 per child per week, why make out like that’s ok? I would rather have nothing. I just don’t get this whole claim it no matter what and I should see it as a good thing really? It’s still divided by 4 so it’s actually £91 a year per child.

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 29/12/2020 14:26

I agree, it’s outrageous and disgusting that it’s so low, BUT you can’t get blood from a stone. He can’t (lawfully) pay you any more.
Also it IS the children’s money. You should be claiming it. I do understand your frustration though.

beelola · 29/12/2020 14:27

It isn't OK. There are no positives. It's a completely shit way to treat your children. But it's better in your bank than his.

slipperywhensparticus · 29/12/2020 14:28

Multiply it by 18 then its worth it, look, I'm in the same situation ex refusing to work less than 7 a week between the kids I think about it like this, I didnt have kids alone one day I might need that money one day he might actually get a job and pay properly one day the job centre might get fed up of him and sanction him for not working when he clearly can but what makes me really claim is every month he has to fork over money the youngest is 7 so 11 more years of being reminded every pay day that he is a bastard

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:31

My ex doesn’t have to work he has a lifelong mental illness, he would only work if he wanted to not because he was forced. He is on pip. He also has lodgers so he gets money that way, And apparently it’s perfectly legal and cms can’t touch it,
It’s cash in hand anyway.

OP posts:
BillMasen · 29/12/2020 14:32

No one is saying it’s an ok amount. It isn’t

But legally it’s all you’ll get and refusing it out of principle is cutting your nose off to spite your face

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:33

He also says stuff Like I’m “Getting paid” I don’t want him to think his £7 contributed to their upbringing.

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 29/12/2020 14:40

OP I get its a piss take but regardless of how your ex frames it, anyone with half a brain knows that £7 a week between 4 kids is fuck all.

However the argument of "I'd rather have nothing" is also ridiculous as its £364 across the year and even if all you did with it was donate it to a charity that would really piss him off, put it aside to pay for something at Christmas, or put it towards a weekend away in summer for you and the kids it's is literally better than nothing.

You know, I know, we all know that he's a shit. We all know and anyone with half a brain knows he's not paying his way for his kids..... But £364 a year IS better than nothing.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/12/2020 14:40

It’s a pitiful amount but I wouldn’t stop the claim as it’s the children’s money not yours.

They will work out for themselves when older who worked hard to support them and who didn’t and form their own opinions.

44PumpLane · 29/12/2020 14:42

Givemeabreak88

He also says stuff Like I’m “Getting paid” I don’t want him to think his £7 contributed to their upbringing

Don't talk to him and if he mentions is laugh in his face and remind him that £7 a week for 4 children is pathetic and he is pathetic. Do not let him get to you, he'd much rather that money be in his pocket I assure you.

Theunamedcat · 29/12/2020 14:42

@Givemeabreak88

He also says stuff Like I’m “Getting paid” I don’t want him to think his £7 contributed to their upbringing.
My ex does the same I pointed out to him recently that ive never touched the money and that its chump change but im not always a nice person
funinthesun19 · 29/12/2020 14:46

I like someone’s suggestion of putting it away towards Christmas. I know £28 per month isn’t a lot, but if you save that amount up for the kids it will mount up.

I’d keep the claim open. Nobody can then claim you never claimed it.

Original poster
Givemeabreak88 · 29/12/2020 14:47

Tbh I would rather hold my head high and say I did it all alone without anything (he doesn’t bother seeing them either) than say he contributed in any way over the sake of £7. Trust me if it was hundreds I wouldn’t even consider cancelling but he gets to say he paid his way over what £7, I doubt my children would believe him that he tried to pay if he claimed that in the future, they will know he didn’t have a job and I will tell them that, I can also show them the £7 in my account and tell them why I cancelled it, I’m not sure they are going to be sad over the fact they didn’t get £7 growing up.

I can tell him that it’s pennies but he doesn’t care, when he wasn’t paying any child maintenance because they said he wasn’t working or claiming benefits, he still claimed that the child
Maintenance service were taking money off him , yet I didn’t see any of it. If someone doesn’t want the see their own children then force them to pay? Might as well just not take anything from them then I guess that is my view anyway.

OP posts: