How do you tell a close family member that their spending habits are ridiculous and they need to rein it in??!but nicely...

[buddhabuddha1]

So, close family member, never has money for the important things... but always spends on crap/house ornaments/clothes that they DO NOT NEED.

You may say...'oh leave them to it, it's not your problem!' But it is as I am the one they always fall back on, ask for top ups etc. I don't mind in genuine emergency's but when I lend 50quid one week and then the following week they are buying a new lampshade I'm like . I just can't do this anymore...I am trying to save myself as I have a major goal next year and I can't afford to put my goal on hold for them. They are driving me insane! How do I broach this nicely??

Just stop giving them money. Then it isn't your problem.

YABU. You don’t broach it; it isn’t any of your business.

If you’re enough of a mug to continue to lend them money despite their spending habits then that’s on you and you need to adjust your own behaviour.

I'd mention in passing that you are now saving up for something and therefore won't be able to help them out in future. This will only work if you stick to it though as no doubt they won't change there spending habits until they really have to!

Stop lending them any money, let them learn the hard way. If they ask then suggest they return something they just bought instead

Stop lending them money!

@NerrSnerr I wish it was that easy

You stop giving them money and leave them to it.

Agree with pp - sometimes you just cant do it nicely...you cross that boundary into becoming an enabler otherwise.
As long as they have you to fall back on they won't change x

It is that easy. You just don’t do it.

You can’t control their behaviour but you can control your own.

I wish it was that easy

It actually is that easy. You just don't give them money.

Charge them 1% a week they can help you save

Or

Say to them that they are always borrowing / being given money by you, and you can't do it any more, and would they like you to help them budget.
Then either they accept your help, great, or they say no thanks.
Any time in the future they ask yo for money again, repeat your budgetting offer.

I agree with others don't lend them any! You are mentioning "lending" but do they really give it back?

When you say lending - are they actually paying you back?

Either way, just stop. You're enabling them.

[quote buddhabuddha1]@NerrSnerr I wish it was that easy [/quote]
It is that easy. You just have to say "no" nothing else. You will not be able to change their behaviour while they are spending on whatever they want and then you are bailing them out. They need to be on the shit before they may start realising they have a problem.

Its very easy not to give someone money.

I have this problem with my mother.

No amount of speaking to her about it worked. I tried to be nice then I tried to be firm. She would nod and agree with me and then spend all her money on crap anyway.

I dont give her any money anymore. It's tough to say no to your mam when shes crying poverty but me giving her money all the time was enabling her. Plus I have 4 kids so cant afford to keep funding her aswell.

Your not going to change your family member all you can do is change how you react to them.

It’s ludicrously easy not to give someone money.

They ask, you say “Sorry, I can’t.”

If you really need to add more, say, “I’m saving up and it’s all in a high-interest account so I don’t have any spare to lend.”

You can’t control their actions or spending habits, and nor should you. But you can control your own.

It really is easy. Tell them that you won't be able to help them out in future and then stick to it. It's the only way that they'll learn. You aren't helping by constantly bailing them out.

As everyone has said, just stop giving them money. It really is that easy.

Why is it not easy to stop? Is there a reason they’re dependent on you and nobody else?

There are two problems here, OP. Your family member’s spending and your enabling of that behaviour.

As long as you are prepared to keep bailing them out, they have no incentive or reason to change. This person needs to learn to budget and manage their money properly, and you can presumably help them with that.

You need to learn to say ‘no’.

What’s the relationship? Is it a parent? This is the only time I think it can be genuinely hard due to the dynamics. But even then it needs to stop. I would say with any other relative it’s easy to tell them to stop asking.

You need to explain why you find it hard and why you want their approval so much and worry so much about offending them.

Saying no is a good skill to cultivate, OP. You can do this.

Before they ask again, just say. I'm saving up this year so don't ask to borrow any money off me as I won't be lending you any. Ever.