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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DMIL gave me ‘vegan’ brownies and DC is CMPA!!

272 replies

FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 19:18

I am raging, DCs face flared up yesterday evening and we were wondering why.

We have prescribed creams from GP hydrocortisone and moisturisers both in the bath and normal.

DMIL said ‘ I’ve bought you brownies from a vegan place you can have them
With the vegan ice cream I got you’ as our Christmas dessert.

Today we brought the box home as she was looking after dc for the night. They have milk in them!!!!! I’ve had 6 small brownies, tried to be sick but only a tiny bit came up.

No wonder his face is flaring up. I feel terrible for not checking, I trusted her. He will suffer now. How can I trust anything they do ever again.

OP posts:
legalseagull · 26/12/2020 19:20

Maybe the shop is to blame rather than her? If she knew, I'd be sending her photos and going fucking mental. Id make it clear she has injured your child and she wouldn't be seeing him again

D4rwin · 26/12/2020 19:20

So you instantly assume they out and put lied? I think there is a huge backstory here or you really need to sort out your paranoia

SquishSquashSqueeze · 26/12/2020 19:20

To be honest, having bought them from "a vegan place", you can see why she thought they'd be appropriate.

"How can I trust her again" is very melodramatic. You double check, that's how.

lemonsandlimes123 · 26/12/2020 19:20

Just a thought, maybe it was a mistake.

BashfulClam · 26/12/2020 19:20

Ask of you can check as the brownies were not suitable. If you take control it will help.

Plussizejumpsuit · 26/12/2020 19:20

Did she genuinely believe they were vegan? How old is dc? Also if its so serious would it not be prudent to check the packet?

Whydoelephants · 26/12/2020 19:21

Sorry your baby is ill but I would try to let it go. It sounds like she went to lot of effort for you and would be really upset if you had a go at her. Hope baby feels better soon.

MatildaTheCat · 26/12/2020 19:21

Unless she’s a psychopath she’s misunderstood or made a mistake. The onus is on you to check the ingredients of products you eat if you have extremely specific requirements. She didn’t make the items and then lie about the ingredients did she?

I understand you might feel upset but not fair to blame her unless you are about to add a massive drip feed about her previous form for trying to poison you.

ballsdeep · 26/12/2020 19:22

Op I had a child with a severe cmpa. I just learnt never to take food of anyone else and always , always read the packets yourself

Sciurus83 · 26/12/2020 19:22

Sounds like she tried by going to a specialist shop but didn't check the actual product, maybe it wasn't a vegan onky shop as she assumed and she made a mistake. Unless you really think she actively deceived you? Seems less likely unless there is a major backstory.

MissBPotter · 26/12/2020 19:22

I think you should have checked, you are her mother and she probably thought that if they were from a vegan place they would be fine. I have learnt you always need to check ingredients, or make it yourself!

LaurieFairyCake · 26/12/2020 19:23

If they're vegan they won't have dairy in them Confused

Must be a mistake ?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2020 19:24

If this is the only issue you've had with your MIL and it was a genuine accident, you are massively overreacting.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 26/12/2020 19:24

She bought you special and presumably separate brownies and ice cream and now you will never trust her again because neither you nor her checked the labels?
I'm guessing she also hosted and cooked christmas dinner
You need to calm down. I appreciate your dc 's face has flared up but never trusting your mil again is a huge over reaction

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/12/2020 19:26

My FIL once gave my CMPA two year old a packet of Maltesers.....now that was something to get angry about Grin

Back to you though OP,

Do you truly believe, in your heart of hearts they did this on purpose?

HCPor · 26/12/2020 19:27

YANBU,

I trusted my CMPA son with my mum, first time ever.
I said over and over again, don't feed him anything I haven't provided. That was food, sweets and snacks.

They lasted two hours before she gave him ice cream and we all ended up in A&E.

I breastfed him as well when he was younger and he would very much react through my milk so I'd have to eliminate foods he was allergic to, from my diet.

YANBU but you will get many people on here who have experienced the pain and suffering of an allergic baby who will say YABU.

ContessaDiPulpo · 26/12/2020 19:28

Always double check - StepMIL bought me margarine with dairy in it once, honestly thinking it was vegan. It wasn't until later when I thought 'Am I imagining the dairy taste?' that I checked and realised. It sounds like she did make an effort but didn't realise that she should check herself. She was hardly to blame for the shop not living up to its promises either. I'd be furious with them, not her.

I'm sorry your DS is unwell, that sucks.

Badgersmummy25 · 26/12/2020 19:28

I am so sorry for your little on and for the stress you must be under from this happening, but ai must admit that as a mum to 2 little ones with severe CMPA I never are anything that I hadn't checked the packaging from as too many times people would make a mistake. Hope your little one recovers soon xx

vinoelle · 26/12/2020 19:29

If they were truly vegan did they maybe contain soya? 50% of cmpa babies are allergic to soya too but you probably know that xx

LouHotel · 26/12/2020 19:30

Hmmm theres alot of vegan alternatives out this year so the whole 'went to a vegan shop' sounds a bit suspect. Has she been doubtful of your childs allergy in the past and may be trying to catch you out?

However trying to make yourself sick is an overreaction if your vegan, the product is in your system unfortunately but you doing that makes you sound melodramatic, even if your breastfeeding it will already be in your system.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 26/12/2020 19:30

Does she have form for believing your DS has CMPA? It sounds like she knows your BF and either tried hard and messed up or she wanted to convince you to eat something you can't eat.
Only you can know which it is, based on how well you know her.
Am I right in thinking she fed these to DS last night and he's now having a reaction or has he had a reaction through your milk? If it's the latter, I personally couldn't trust my MIL to have him for prolonged time again even if she meant well, but my baby has a nut allergy as well as CMPA and a cock up could kill him.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this, the CMPA reaction is horrible but it should be out of your/their system by tomorrow if it's just the one thing. It must be frustrating for this to have happened when you couldn't be there to check what she was feeding him.

HCPor · 26/12/2020 19:30

If you have the guts, take pics of his skin, send them and say "the brownies weren't vegan".

I would want to. I'm not sure if I would though.

Alternatively, get DH to call her and ask her for the place where she got them, so you can call them
About the dangerous mistake the bakery made.

Chloemol · 26/12/2020 19:30

If she bought them from a vegan shop I doubt she expected milk to be in them, I certainly wouldn’t

If you are aware of an allergy you should be just as responsible for checking things

CodenameVillanelle · 26/12/2020 19:31

You should have checked the ingredients yourself
My boyfriend bought me vegan chocolates online and when they arrived the ingredients said contains milk Confused
You can't assume anything nor that MIL did anything wrong

WhatTiggersDoBest · 26/12/2020 19:32

It sounds like she knows you're* BF. Sorry for the typo.