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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DMIL gave me ‘vegan’ brownies and DC is CMPA!!

272 replies

FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 19:18

I am raging, DCs face flared up yesterday evening and we were wondering why.

We have prescribed creams from GP hydrocortisone and moisturisers both in the bath and normal.

DMIL said ‘ I’ve bought you brownies from a vegan place you can have them
With the vegan ice cream I got you’ as our Christmas dessert.

Today we brought the box home as she was looking after dc for the night. They have milk in them!!!!! I’ve had 6 small brownies, tried to be sick but only a tiny bit came up.

No wonder his face is flaring up. I feel terrible for not checking, I trusted her. He will suffer now. How can I trust anything they do ever again.

OP posts:
viccat · 26/12/2020 19:53

Sometimes vegan products will list milk as an allergen if they have been made in an environment where products containing dairy are also made and trace amounts could therefore be there. Is that what has happened here or is it actually listed as an ingredient?

leafygarden42 · 26/12/2020 19:53

What is CMPA??

Standrewsschool · 26/12/2020 19:53

Mil went to the trouble of buying brownies from a vegan shop which she presumed would be okay. I think it was an honest mistake. I’m sorry your child has become ill, but it sounds like she was taking your dc’s allergies seriously.

I think you can trust your mil, because she took trouble to buy special food for your child. She’s respected your dietary wishes, not overridden them.

Maybe have a friendly word and ask her to double check ingredients, and not assume they were dairy-free.

christinarossetti19 · 26/12/2020 19:54

I'm confused. If you're breast feeding, is it you eating the brownies that you're concerned about or has dc eaten them?

Had you eaten some yesterday, hence dc's face flaring up yesterday evening?

Stradivari · 26/12/2020 19:54

Yeh sounds like misplaced guilt. Why don’t you take some time to think about why your reaction is so wildly out of sync with the facts as you have presented them?

Unsure33 · 26/12/2020 19:54

How would vegan brownies have dairy in them ?

EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 26/12/2020 19:55

More likely bought them in and didn't check properly. Which mKes me wonder how many people are now quickly checking their vegan brownies at home.

It didn't actually occur to me they would buy their brownies in Blush. I just assumed they baked them themselves. There are a couple of vegan bakeries near me but they are both owned by vegans and they bake everything themselves.

farawayplanet · 26/12/2020 19:55

Ds1 has a nut allergy and, when he was young, I found that people just didn't understand how it all worked. His father (ex partner) used to give him all kinds of stuff with nut warnings on, as did his mother. I used to be tearing my hair out.

Some people just don't have the cognitive abilities to grasp the ins and outs of allergies and the necessary dietary requirements. Better to send her with food you've prepared and forbid anything else being given. Milk is more difficult to avoid than nuts.

FirewomanSam · 26/12/2020 19:56

My vegan friend regularly had well-meaning relatives buy him gluten-free stuff assuming it was the same thing! Unless there’s a huge backstory I’d assume your MIL has made a similar mistake and would take the opportunity to politely explain to her rather than flying off the handle (though I understand why you’re upset and I hope your baby is ok!)

leafygarden42 · 26/12/2020 19:56

6 brownies eh? They must have been pretty tasty.

nitsandwormsdodger · 26/12/2020 19:57

This is the first of many mistakes, some you will make , sometimes others
V v dramatic of you to react so OTT
Let her know so she doesn't make same mistake
It's a learning curve for everyone

saraclara · 26/12/2020 19:57

Poor woman. She went to the effort to get something vegan. She trusted the shop. She didn't set out to hurt your baby for goodness' sake.

Are you going to be as hard on yourself on the day when you make a mistake? Whether or not it's diet-related? Because parents make mistakes too.

Poppyolive90 · 26/12/2020 19:58

I think you’re just reacting in the moment. Once you’ve calmed down you’ll see that this was most likely an innocent mistake.

LadyJaye · 26/12/2020 19:58

As somebody with various niche allergies and intolerances, the buck for what I consume ultimately stops with me.

I politely refuse gifts of food from people not familiar with my issues and, even when receiving from those who are, it's my responsibility to check the contents thoroughly - after all, I'm the one who will become ill! I can't assume every single person among my close friends and family has had the time or knowledge to scrutinise a label.

As PPs have said, unless there is some wild back story here, the onus is on you - you're new to food allergies, you fucked up, you'll learn, you won't do it again.

We've all done it - assuming an allergy isn't so severe as to be life-threatening, you'll do what we've all done and start again tomorrow.

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/12/2020 19:59

What is CMPA??

Cow’s Milk Protein Allergy

(Dairy allergy - not to be confused with lactose intolerance)

thecognoscenti · 26/12/2020 19:59

@YesThatsATurdOnTheRug

Your poor MIL, she's been doing this perfectly for a month, one mistake and you react like an absolute bitch,
This! She made a mistake! FGS.
Original poster
FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 20:01

So I checked the place and it’s not a vegan place. They sell all sorts of brownies and one type they do is vegan.

She just said it was.

I now get IWBU for not checking myself, my child after all.

When you’re told at every question a variant of ‘I know what I’m doing’ then you just trust it.

We won’t be moving forward.

OP posts:
CeeceeBloomingdale · 26/12/2020 20:01

It sounds like a genuine mistake but the onus is on you to double check so I'd say you both have to take some of the blame.

mrsm43s · 26/12/2020 20:01

She was told they were vegan and she didn't double check the ingredients list.
YOU were told they were vegan and YOU didn't check the ingredients list. The ultimate responsibility is yours, since you ate them and you are responsible for keeping your child safe.
How can anyone trust YOU to look after your child again? (Or maybe it was just an unfortunate mix up, and you will remember to check in future).

Goldencurtain · 26/12/2020 20:02

If your baby is only on hydrocortisone and moisturiser you are massively overreacting. PFB melodrama.

Original poster
FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 20:03

unless there is some wild back story here, yeah, there’s not I suppose just trust.

I’m new to cmpa and taking sacrifices for weeks to be ruined inadvertently is so infuriating

OP posts:
Halmo · 26/12/2020 20:03

As someone with food allergies and with a child with a severe food allergy, you are the expert of what you and your child can/cannot eat. You cannot assume that anyone else will know the ins and outs of what foods contain the allergen or which cooking processes are ok vs not ok. You will also find that you can’t assume a food is ok to eat because companies sometimes put the most unexpected ingredients in. You will always have to check and that is your responsibility.
Yes your mil is a health visitor but she’s not a specialist in food allergies or a dietician. She sounds like she was trying her best but made a mistake.

saraclara · 26/12/2020 20:03

How can I trust anything they do ever again.

FFS
My baby was on a strict no dairy diet from birth, due to family history. And yes, it's hard to get people to understand the importance of it. But your MIL has been on board with it and has done her best. She (or the shop) made a mistake.

If the brownies were your Christmas Day dessert it's highly unlikely that the milk in them would have transferred to your breast milk in time to have caused the flare up. So give her a break for goodness' sake.

NoSauce · 26/12/2020 20:03

We won’t be moving forward

What does that mean?

EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 26/12/2020 20:04

@FTEngineerM

So I checked the place and it’s not a vegan place. They sell all sorts of brownies and one type they do is vegan.

She just said it was.

I now get IWBU for not checking myself, my child after all.

When you’re told at every question a variant of ‘I know what I’m doing’ then you just trust it.

We won’t be moving forward.

But did she think it was an all vegan place? And if she knew it wasn't did she specifcally ask for the vegan brownies?