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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DMIL gave me ‘vegan’ brownies and DC is CMPA!!

272 replies

FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 19:18

I am raging, DCs face flared up yesterday evening and we were wondering why.

We have prescribed creams from GP hydrocortisone and moisturisers both in the bath and normal.

DMIL said ‘ I’ve bought you brownies from a vegan place you can have them
With the vegan ice cream I got you’ as our Christmas dessert.

Today we brought the box home as she was looking after dc for the night. They have milk in them!!!!! I’ve had 6 small brownies, tried to be sick but only a tiny bit came up.

No wonder his face is flaring up. I feel terrible for not checking, I trusted her. He will suffer now. How can I trust anything they do ever again.

OP posts:
Original poster
FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 20:19

vegan and they made the mistake. Bet she feels awful about it.

Nope she thought she bought vegan and didn’t check.

I agree it’s my fault now for not checking (as I’ve said previously) what I ate but not to trust some that’s constantly telling you they know what they’re doing and actually they don’t check it’s extremely frustrating.

OP posts:
saturnrover · 26/12/2020 20:21

And OP I am sorry you have to go through this. It is really really stressful and really really shit,

In my experience people just do not understand.

Anyhow maybe a good lesson to learn now.

Mdmd · 26/12/2020 20:21

I’m sure it was an innocent mistake.

You’ll make them too.

Try not to be too upset.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 26/12/2020 20:23

Thiz is not really just about that brownies, is it...

katy1213 · 26/12/2020 20:24

Not sure why you need to make yourself sick - except for full dramatic effect?

saturnrover · 26/12/2020 20:25

schordinger I don't get your comment.

OP's child has a severe food allergy.

So it is about the browniesConfusedConfused

Original poster
FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 20:25

@Mdmd

I’m sure it was an innocent mistake.

You’ll make them too.

Try not to be too upset.

She’s just messaged saying sorry and she didn’t realise.

Seems IABU, new to this, both allergy and FTM so will not be trusting anything anyone says moving forward.

Which sounds awful. My child’s health obviously comes before how anyone feels about me checking.

OP posts:
Original poster
FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 20:26

@katy1213

Not sure why you need to make yourself sick - except for full dramatic effect?
To get the cows milk out of my system before it reached my bowel and therefore my blood and subsequently my breast milk..
OP posts:
Mdmd · 26/12/2020 20:27

I have a child with allergies.

My then mil Didn’t believe in them and. Deliberate fed the child her allergens.

That’s horrible.

I wouldn’t be upset about an innocent mistake.

You’ll make a mistake too. At some point. I did. You will. It happens.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 26/12/2020 20:27

@saturnrover with the updates, this thread feels like it's not just the mistake with the brownies what's the issue, but overal relationship and opinion of the mil.

SheilaWilcox · 26/12/2020 20:29

You should have said in the OP that she is a Health Visitor. Would have made more sense. Many of them either think they know best or are thick as two short planks.
I'd never trust anything they told me.
Lesson learned.
Hope your little one is better soon.

legalseagull · 26/12/2020 20:29

@SunshineCake I clearly said go mental IF she deliberately didn't give a shit and gave DC dairy. Obviously this is an accident. If someone deliberately disregarded your child's allergy and gave them the trigger would you really let them look after the child again?! How odd

Grilledaubergines · 26/12/2020 20:30

@FTEngineerM

vegan and they made the mistake. Bet she feels awful about it.

Nope she thought she bought vegan and didn’t check.

I agree it’s my fault now for not checking (as I’ve said previously) what I ate but not to trust some that’s constantly telling you they know what they’re doing and actually they don’t check it’s extremely frustrating.

But you did exactly the same thing OP, by not checking yourself and trusting yourself to know best. Your MIL made a mistake. You didn’t though, because by your own admission of needing to check, you should have done just that and you didn’t. Stop blaming for an innocent mistake and threatening to cut your MIL out of your life.
GabsAlot · 26/12/2020 20:30

seems genuine mistake but why say to you i got it from the vegan place when it wasnt a vegan shop at all

Mdmd · 26/12/2020 20:31

You didn’t check either.

How come it’s ok for you not to check but not ok for her not to have checked?

Mdmd · 26/12/2020 20:31

Post with @Grilledaubergines

CodenameVillanelle · 26/12/2020 20:32

Of course you need to check everything yourself before you eat it - sorry but you do

JamieLeesCurtains · 26/12/2020 20:33

@SheilaWilcox

You should have said in the OP that she is a Health Visitor. Would have made more sense. Many of them either think they know best or are thick as two short planks. I'd never trust anything they told me. Lesson learned. Hope your little one is better soon.
Do you mean HVs? I thought they had to have nursing degrees?
Rubinia · 26/12/2020 20:33

Op I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It sounds like a mistake. Try not to be hard on yourself or MIL. I know that's hard. Hope your baby doesn't suffer too much!

Covidrelapse · 26/12/2020 20:36

@JamieLeesCurtains and @SheilaWilcox they are qualified nurses or midwives with a further Degree in Health Visiting

sproutsnbacon · 26/12/2020 20:36

I think you’ll have to accept it as an accident. I say this as someone who suffered for years with CMPA but it was unknown and of course I was given milk and was constantly ill. My mother feels very guilty and I told her not to.

I have two children with cmpa and breastfed both. I’ve cocked up on a few occasions they’ve suffered which isn’t great but I do my best. I’ve actually found other people to be really really careful.
I do understand why you are upset

Original poster
FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 20:39

@Grilledaubergines correct. I realise the error of my own ways now it’s too late.

If someone of authority, who continuously asserts said authority, said that they didn’t contain milk and they’d gone out of their way to get non milk containing desserts, would you trust it?

I realise I need to assert my own authority over my own child. Which I will be moving forward.

It’s quite a unique situation I think, unless you’ve been a relatively clueless FTM with a HVMiL then it’s hard to describe. Some may see it as a simple mistake but it’s not the first time she’s been so lax. Which maybe makes my checking all the more necessary.

OP posts:
Xerochrysum · 26/12/2020 20:40

I went though the same thing, I had very restricted diet while I was BFing due to dc's allergy, had to give up eating dairy, egg and wheat for nearly 2 years. So I get it you got annoyed, but I think it's no point getting upset. She will be very careful from now on, I'm sure.

MsTSwift · 26/12/2020 20:41

My mil made a delicious home made cheesecake was in first trimester with pfb I had eaten half of it before I double checked as to whether it was the raw egg type of cheesecake. Yep it was. 🙄 thanks for that.

iamyourequal · 26/12/2020 20:41

This is rotten for you and your DC especially at Christmas. At least one positive is you will know now to always be super vigilant and not let other people-whoever they are- feed you or your child without you checking the ingredients first. I wonder if your MIL just thinks the whole allergy is a nonsense which only exists in your head as a cautious first time mum? I bet thats the sad truth. I bet she thought she could feed you dairy, nothing bad would happen, and she would have proven her point. I hope your ex gets fully better soon.

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