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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DMIL gave me ‘vegan’ brownies and DC is CMPA!!

272 replies

FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 19:18

I am raging, DCs face flared up yesterday evening and we were wondering why.

We have prescribed creams from GP hydrocortisone and moisturisers both in the bath and normal.

DMIL said ‘ I’ve bought you brownies from a vegan place you can have them
With the vegan ice cream I got you’ as our Christmas dessert.

Today we brought the box home as she was looking after dc for the night. They have milk in them!!!!! I’ve had 6 small brownies, tried to be sick but only a tiny bit came up.

No wonder his face is flaring up. I feel terrible for not checking, I trusted her. He will suffer now. How can I trust anything they do ever again.

OP posts:
bluebluezoo · 26/12/2020 19:32

It’s not clear, why is it an issue for you to have them? Why are you trying to be sick after six small brownies?

Has your dc had any?

Or do you mean you are breastfeeding? If so why not pump and dump a few feeds?

Rover83 · 26/12/2020 19:32

I can understand why she thought they would be suitable if they came from a vegan shop. Do you think she lied? Why would she want to make your child unwell? Maybe safer to provide all your own food like other parents of children with severe allergies do.

Brobbles · 26/12/2020 19:33

I’m sorry your LO has now had a reaction but you need to calm down. When you or your child has a severe allergy you need to take responsibility for checking the ingredients yourself. Never take anyone else’s word for it, people can be stupid and not check properly or they don’t realise what is what (eg my MIL often claims to have got me gluten free things and they actually often just say wheat free or vegan which clearly aren’t the same as GF! And she still to this day asks weird things like “can you eat nuts or do they have gluten in” so she obviously doesn’t really understand what I can or can’t have).

Unless your MIL is a massive psycho then I’d assume this is a mistake and/or she didn’t check properly. You need to check yourself don’t just assume other people have done it properly.

“How can I ever trust her again” is over the top.

Clockstop · 26/12/2020 19:34

Yes I always double check because usually people think free from is ok when it's usually got dairy in it (as free from seems mainly to be about gluten). Also soya is a nightmare so I always have to check for that.

I so thibj yabu for making yourself sick though. Slip ups happen.

MichelleScarn · 26/12/2020 19:34

Did you eat them today and his face is flaring up today? Would it pass through that quickly
?

NoParticularPattern · 26/12/2020 19:35

Seems like there’s probably a massive drip feed coming here. Did she go to a shop and say “vegan brownies please”, they hand her a box labelled “vegan brownies” and she assumed they were dactyl as she asked for and as they are labelled? If so then how on earth is it her fault? If on the other hand she didn’t actually specify vegan brownies, or she didn’t check that the generic brownies she was given were actually vegan, or she deliberately bought non vegan brownies and then lied about it then obviously it’s her fault. Clearly we need the back story.

EveryPlanetHasAYorkshire · 26/12/2020 19:35

Why would brownies from a vegan shop have milk in? Confused

LouHotel · 26/12/2020 19:35

Ok reread and this now sounds like your on a restricted diet for breastfeeding. I truly feel for you, my daughter had a virus at 7 months of which dairy in my milk would see us go through 8 nappies in a couple of hours so I had to go dairy free for a few weeks, that few weeks was hard enough so credit to you.

Crazybirdlady · 26/12/2020 19:36

It's very upsetting to see your child suffering, but it was clearly an accident. Sounds like she went to a lot of trouble and wanted to get something suitable.
Wait until you are calm and have some perspective on it and then show her what to look out for on the packaging.
Hope the little one feels better soon

PatchworkElmer · 26/12/2020 19:37

You’re assuming she did it deliberately though?

NoParticularPattern · 26/12/2020 19:37

Also did you not check? I mean I know she said they were vegan but I think if I had a baby who was so badly allergic to something that they needed prescription creams within a few hours of consuming their allergen via breast milk then I’d absolutely be checking every single thing I hadn’t bought myself and knew to be safe. Like I said, I shall await the drip feed of “well she has form for saying that CMPA is just nonsense and none of that happened in my day....”

MichelleofzeResistance · 26/12/2020 19:38

I'm allergic too, I know how miserable a reaction is and how hard it is to not get accidentally poisoned by well intentioned relatives and cafe staff. So sorry your little one is suffering a reaction. Sadly as pp says, the only way to be safe is to check the boxes yourself, or to bring your own food. I've made assumptions that a food I bought would be safe as what idiot would possibly put dairy in whatever, only to find later when checking the box to trace a reaction that yep, they'd managed to get dairy in there. Your DMIL probably thought anything in a vegan shop would be safe, and didn't realise to check further.

Hope dc is feeling better soon. Flowers

SunshineCake · 26/12/2020 19:38

@legalseagull

Maybe the shop is to blame rather than her? If she knew, I'd be sending her photos and going fucking mental. Id make it clear she has injured your child and she wouldn't be seeing him again
Don't be ridiculous. Unless she tried to kill the baby there is no need to stop her seeing her grandchild.
ThornAmongstRoses · 26/12/2020 19:38

Did you eat them today and his face is flaring up today? Would it pass through that quickly?

My baby once reacted three hours after I’d had some dairy. It can get into breast milk very quickly and an accidental slip-up can cause dairy proteins to be present in the breast milk for up to 48-72 hours.

ktp100 · 26/12/2020 19:39

You need to bring this to her attention but unfortunately the buck stops with you. Not everyone understands the ins and outs of dietary needs.

I'm coeliac and I have to be so stringent with people about it. MIL struggles with these things (my fave ever was her cooking the veggies for a sunday roast in beef fat so they were more tasty for a vegetarian who she felt bad for for not getting meat) and she seriously got me last time we visited with the most delicious gluten free cupcakes she'd made just for me but didn't realise that using the same knife to spread buttercream on the Muggle cupcakes first would cause crumb mixing that would leave me in agony for days.

And why should she??!!

It's our responsibility to advocate for our kids, not expect others to just get it. Of course, if you're going to leave your child in her care you need to better educate her or leave prepped food, but she really has been unlucky there - I think most people would assume Vegan labelled foods would be dairy free!!

Original poster
FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 19:40

She’s provided other non dairy foods for about a month, so I trusted that she would check. Maybe it’s my fault for not double checking: she is a HV so makes me and DH feel like we’re silly for checking anything.

No back story really, just a month ago we found out DC had CMPA so I’ve been so careful, yes I’m still BFing that’s why it matters to me.

Obviously we should have checked but as a HV we trusted her

OP posts:
hashbrownsandwich · 26/12/2020 19:40

Just calmly explain what's happened and ask her to double check in future or not to be offended if you want to double check .

Dyrne · 26/12/2020 19:41

Unless she has form for this and you have a solid reason for believing that she did this deliberately then YABU for talking about “never trusting again” - it sounds like she made a genuine mistake and did try to take the restrictions into account.

Making yourself sick is a ridiculous reaction given that your DC already showed a reaction so clearly it’s well into your system.

Take a picture of the ingredients to send to your MIL - she’ll need to learn to do these kinds of checks and this can be a learning point for her.

Blueroses99 · 26/12/2020 19:41

I feel for you. My MIL once asked her friend to make a DF cake for me while breastfeeding CMPA DD. When I asked if the icing was also DF, there was a look of panic and they gave me a piece with all the icing scraped off!

There’s no point in pumping and dumping for a few feeds as milk takes around 3 weeks to leave the system.

Just check all ingredients from now on (and was the ice cream really vegan?)

DartmoorChef · 26/12/2020 19:43

Sounds like a genuine mistake to me

Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2020 19:44

If she genuinely believed the brownies were vegan, I can see how she wouldn't have even thought to check the ingredients.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 26/12/2020 19:44

I think this was an easy mistake. She got them from a vegan place so assumed. Just let her know. People slip sometimes and she will check next time.

Ilovenewyear · 26/12/2020 19:44

Doesn’t sound like she did it on purpose or there was any malice? If anything I’d be telling her so she can inform/complain to the place she brought them from.

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/12/2020 19:44

Health Visitors are also human.

I’m not sure why you think everything is made so much worse because she’s a Health Visitor?

She bought something from a vegan shop with the assumption it would be dairy free - I imagine many, many other people would do the same whatever their profession is.

Notnowokay · 26/12/2020 19:45

Mistake happen. I would take a pictures and send it to your dmil so she knows what happens when baby gets feed milk. Or better yet, go to her and show her what those cookies did. A normal person would feel guilty and horrified, making mistakes recurring less likely. I assume she loves baby and don’t want baby to be hurt accidentally?

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