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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DMIL gave me ‘vegan’ brownies and DC is CMPA!!

272 replies

FTEngineerM · 26/12/2020 19:18

I am raging, DCs face flared up yesterday evening and we were wondering why.

We have prescribed creams from GP hydrocortisone and moisturisers both in the bath and normal.

DMIL said ‘ I’ve bought you brownies from a vegan place you can have them
With the vegan ice cream I got you’ as our Christmas dessert.

Today we brought the box home as she was looking after dc for the night. They have milk in them!!!!! I’ve had 6 small brownies, tried to be sick but only a tiny bit came up.

No wonder his face is flaring up. I feel terrible for not checking, I trusted her. He will suffer now. How can I trust anything they do ever again.

OP posts:
jwpetal · 27/12/2020 20:15

This is all new and in time, you will find your way. Asa parent of children with multiple allergies, I have made mistakes myself. Milk is in many foods. It is difficult. Know that you and others will make mistakes do be kind to yourself and mil. It is new for all. I have also learned that just because someone says they are professionals. They do not kniw it all. You will become.e the specialist.

Onelovelyone · 27/12/2020 20:37

I’m so sorry this happened and can understand your frustration but, if you know you, or your child has a major issue with dairy products (or any allergy) then you need to double check. People don’t mean to make mistakes - and it would be great if they were more cautious - but I don’t think this was malicious on her part and you would have been safer to check before eating.

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 27/12/2020 20:45

I get your frustration Op. People who don't have to care for someone with allergies, or have allergies themselves rarely understand in my experience.

Lesson learnt and all that, at least she is sorry about it now I suppose... good lucky with everything

NewLockdownNewMe · 27/12/2020 20:55

My child’s health obviously comes before how anyone feels about me checking

Learning this takes a while! But you do learn to not worry about offending anyone by checking even if they assure you they’ve checked. I can understand that there’s a bit of a power struggle if your MIL is a HV, but the one thing I can assure you is that this will not be the last time you have to stand up to a medical professional who either doesn’t understand CMPA or hasn’t taken it in to account. I had to be very pushy to get my GP to even consider it as a diagnosis and prescribe the correct formula.

WhyHelloJiiilll · 27/12/2020 21:01

She googled 'Vegan brownies' and bought the wrong ones. Yes her mistake but it was just a mistake! It was accidental. Difficult and I understand as I have a child with an allergy. But she meant no harm.

Insanelysilver · 27/12/2020 21:27

It’s upsetting, but I think the ultimate responsibility for the ingredients has to be with yourselves rather than the person who’s given you the gift.
She didn’t do it deliberately.
My relatives try to make sure things are safe for my daughter who’s coeliac but they have messed up a couple of times and on those occasions we should have double checked ourselves I think.
It’s easy for people who don’t live with the condition to make mistakes.

duffeldaisy · 27/12/2020 21:56

As someone with milk allergy, you can never trust “vegan” labelling, as perhaps 50% of vegan foods have a “may contain” or “may contain traces”, which can be enough to cause a flare-up. I voted YANBU because I know how ill you can get from intolerances and allergies, and how bizarre people get about them, dismissing or ignoring them.

But as advice, I would never risk anything without either reading the ingredients or checking with the seller, even if it has a vegan label. It’s just not worth risking days, possibly weeks of trying to get back to normal after a flare up. I hope he recovers soon.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/12/2020 23:58

From my experience in commercial kitchens pp is right. Vegan food will most likely have traces in. The care taken when allergy is involved is on absolutely different level.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 28/12/2020 09:11

“I tried to be sick” really?!? Get over yourself.

It could well have been a genuine accident. She asked for help and someone got it wrong, she misread the box and though veggie/vegan were the same etc.

You automatically assume the worse. Says more about you.

Audreyseyebrows · 28/12/2020 09:17

Our family has various allergies. You get used to checking and trusting no one.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 28/12/2020 10:53

My neice went into anaphylactic shock from her mums breast milk which is when we found out about her severe allergies. My brother and sister in law thought she was going to die. it's no joke. You should be fuming op.

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 28/12/2020 10:55

No idea why people think you trying to be sick is weird when it could kill your child. They've obviously never seen a tiny baby struggle to breath while having an allergic reaction.

BabyYoda · 28/12/2020 11:02

Some people are dicks about allergies, it’s like they don’t believe in them so they try to cut corners and test them. Hopefully that’s not what your MIL was doing but even if it was accidental she was very careless with your baby’s health. Stuff her feelings, she needs to take it more seriously. Hope your baby is feeling better.

Mustbe3ormorecharacters · 28/12/2020 11:21

@FTEngineerM

She’s provided other non dairy foods for about a month, so I trusted that she would check. Maybe it’s my fault for not double checking: she is a HV so makes me and DH feel like we’re silly for checking anything.

No back story really, just a month ago we found out DC had CMPA so I’ve been so careful, yes I’m still BFing that’s why it matters to me.

Obviously we should have checked but as a HV we trusted her

Of all people on mumsnet you are the one I’m most surprised would trust someone over double checking Xmas Wink

I really hope everything is sorted and baby is happy again ASAP @FTEngineerM

Pinkyxx · 28/12/2020 11:29

My DD was CMPA along with a whole host of other allergies. Discovered at 5 weeks old given non-stop vomiting. I had a splash of milk in the tea I was drinking... my milk was poisoning her... I get the frustration as my DD got violently ill (vomiting / diarrhea, skin rash, runny nose, hives etc) from the tiniest trace of any allergen.

I double checked literally every morsel she put in her mouth. You check everything. You'd be amazed how many ''free from'', vegan or 'milk free' products aren't actually suitable for those with allergies. Many shop bought products contain hidden allergens! I get the frustration but I wonder if you're projecting your own anger at yourself for failing to check into MIL?

Sinful8 · 28/12/2020 11:34

She got them at a vegan place and SHE assumed they were vegan without checking,

She got them at a vegan place and YOU assumed they were vegan without checking.

If you're gonna be mad at her you kind of have to be mad at yourself

Pinkyxx · 28/12/2020 11:35

I also just remembered that when DD was 6 months old and in hospital for an investigative procedure (related to the damage the CMPA had done internally) the nurse on the pediatric ward made up a bottle of formula she brought standard formula instead of the hypoallergenic one DD was prescribed! I could tell as the hypoallergenic one had a particular odor and texture very unlike the normal formula. I refused to give it.. and insisted she make up a new one.

I felt bad for the nurse as she was severely reprimanded as it was on DD's chart along with all her medical conditions - there was no harm done as I checked.. poor nurse was mortified.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/12/2020 11:39

You will also need to check labels continuously as manufacturers can change their ingredients, so don’t just assume that because something was safe last week it will be safe this week.

DrizzleandDamp · 28/12/2020 11:43

I wouldn’t be angry with her if it’s a simple mistake, why not talk to her?

My ex MIL is Muslim and was happily feeding DC Milkybar mousse, it wasn’t until I checked and pointed out they were made with pork gelatine that she knew and was devastated. These things happen.

tomnjerrylover · 28/12/2020 12:00

Sorry you've been poisoned but the reality is it's your responsibility to check.
You and Dh need to check everything that you and then your child eats. You will need to teach your child to check as well, as early as possible.

Vegan doesn't mean safe. The amount of stuff that says it's vegan but then says not suitable for milk allergies is shocking.

I would contact mil and say that the vegan brownie still had milk in so she doesn't go back there.

One year my childminder mil was so proud because she'd brought loads of free from stuff for DD- unfortunately it was all only gluten free and still had dairy in it so was a complete waste.

The only people who will be as careful as you need to be is other allergy sufferers.
Being a HV is a red herring.

ineedaholidaynow · 28/12/2020 12:14

My HV advised me, when I thought DC had dairy allergy, to give him loads of dairy to see how allergic he was! I went to the doctor for advice instead.

Rache49 · 28/12/2020 12:30

What is CMPA please?

Fluffycloudland77 · 28/12/2020 12:35

Cows milk protein allergy.

Scarybex · 28/12/2020 12:53

It’s your job to read the packet. Why would you trust others when it affects your little one? Own it.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 28/12/2020 12:59

FFS! OP has 'owned' and explained her calm conversation with MIL about it.

Read....