To have thought we might get half an hour alone?

[roarfeckingroarr]

FIL is staying for 8 days. He's in good health. We have a ten week old baby who only sleeps on one of us or for a brief 10-15 min in his bouncer.

WIBU to have thought he might have said, just once, "why don't I take the baby so you two can have half an hour to yourselves?" or am I clouded by desperately missing intimacy with my OH?

Why don't you just ask him, he's probably not a mind reader 🤷‍♀️

I like the people saying “your baby should be able to be left alone in their Moses basket” or “your baby should sleep longer stretches not on top of one of you”...
Yeah, does someone want to tell the baby that?! “Someone on mumsnet says you should be able to be left alone in your Moses basket so pipe down the screaming, will you?”

I don’t think it’s much to ask of fil at all. Could you send him on an errand with your baby? A long walk.

I still think that if you allow anyone to host you for a week, let alone new parents, it would be kind to offer to take the baby round the block or watch it for a short bit of time. What the parents do with that time doesn't matter.

I think everyone's expectations are different though. I wouldn't want anyone except DH taking my newborn baby away and might have felt pressured if a grandparent offered.

Op, your not allowed to be a women and have needs now your a mother....you clearly haven’t been on mumsnet long enough if you don’t know that!

Obviously the OP wouldn’t say “mind having the baby whilst I go shag your son”

But if offered the time that’s what she would do with it.

I hope you have learned a important lesson here op, you don’t get nothing unless you ask for it and you will be sidelined. Next time just ask him “do you mind letting baby sleep on you for half an hour so me and DH can wrap some presents and tidy up abit”

Don’t ask, don’t get! The quicker you learn that the better- says me sitting here 11 years later and looking back resentful.

The replys here on the whole are savage,mean , judgy and the reason i don't talk to school mums because this is what they are like. Its prob because they are not getting any themselves by the sound of it.

I hope you are ok. Its normal to feel lonely and sad especially when you have lots of extra love floating around and feel disconnected from your partner but If these feelings deepen or continue reach out to a HV or a friend .

I hope you get some much needed intimacy of any kind soon. And I hope these lot do too...might make them kinder!

Seriously you have years of your child having the worst ever timing on earth , am sure you'll find other opportunities for fun and games.

Not your FILs to baby sit for this though.

Just ask him and say you need a rest.

Youve had a baby your now 2nd in the queue. No wonder your baby cries if all your thinking about is willie. The last thing on my mind was sex when baby was born

OP hang in there. It will get easier. I would have given several body parts for 30 minutes without a baby on me when mine were 10 weeks. Really don’t understand the pasting you are getting.

@roarfeckingroarr

Pretty much unanimous that I'm being unreasonable and / or weird.

I'm very tired and desperately miss feeling close to my OH. Having a baby is like taking a sledge hammer to everything. I feel sad and I'm worried about my relationship if this carries on for much longer.

I think the real issue here is you need some help with working on sleep training your baby, if you get a really good routine in place for settling him when it’s coming up to his longest sleep of the night...even if that’s not until late, one where he goes in to bed awake and he learns to settle himself, then repeat the last part of that routine each time he wakes in the night, you will have this cracked within a week or two and you and your DH will have plenty of time together. It will be really hard for the first few nights but sooo worth the effort.

Well good for you! Glad you have still got the urge! After baby number 3 I just look forward to sleep!

This is possibly the funniest post I've seen on here

@Jeeperscreepers69

Youve had a baby your now 2nd in the queue. No wonder your baby cries if all your thinking about is willie. The last thing on my mind was sex when baby was born

What on earth?! What a rude, disgusting post.

Agreed, god my children didn’t sleep for years and as babies were the same as OP. They would only sleep on me or another person.....not really much opportunity to be intimate or have any time with your OH at all! Not very helpful of people to say ‘god does the child not sleep at night’ ‘just pop them in the bouncer for 20 minutes’ these people must have had dream babies 😂

OP I totally get what you mean, I think people are being savage and painting you as some selfish, sex starved maniac.......when in fact you just want a little bit of time where you aren’t being a milk maid and maybe just maybe a bit of time with your OH! It is so hard at the beginning but it will become easier I absolutely promise, just take each day as it comes Xx

Oh lord she doesn’t need to sleep train her baby, babies are not designed to sleep all night

Just ask. My MIL is a lovely lovely lady but has never actually offered to babysit. However, if I ask, she is often very happy to. I think it’s a generational thing - when she had small kids, nobody relieved her of the workload, so she maybe just assumes I don’t want a break either.
Maybe your FIL thinks the same.
(I’m not saying this is ok, simply that it’s sometimes just the way it is with the older generation)
So, as my teacher used to say, “you have a tongue in your head, you can ask”.

Let the baby kick off, it won’t last long, as long as they’re not in pain (you can tell if you cuddle them and they shut up) endure the pain, put him/her in the bedroom at 6:30 with a night light, get them into a routine, it’ll take a few nights,but worth it in the long run, do yourself a favour, sort it out early, all babies will sleep on you if you let them.

I had 4 under 4 so it’s possible 😂. Sometimes dads need to be told straight, I would lay my baby down in the next to me. Tell him to get his pants off and quicky it in the bathroom/hallway/etc. See it this way, parent sex can look bleak but it just encourages you to be a bit more creative. The baby won’t always be that little or needy. And if your feeling overly insecure maybe speaking to your GP/HV/partner for reassurance or help.

You wanted your FIL to say ' I'll hold him love, you and Jim go and have a quickie upstairs ' ? EW! Last of the great romantically there OP

Don't wait for people to suggest. Ask for what you need. No one is a mind reader.

He is selfish and thoughtless, or just ignorant. Tell him that this is what you expect from him, ie to help out with the baby. My father in law phoned me up one day when my baby was 10 days about his washing machine not working expecting me to go and buy one for him because he was too lazy to do so.

Speaking from a generational point of view, both my Father and my FIL were not hands on with their own kids and wouldn't know one end of a baby from another. I wouldn't have asked either to watch a 10 week old and I wouldn't expect it to enter their heads to offer. Do you have any other family members who are more confident with babies who could step in for a few hours?

It's probably just he didn't want to intrude as your baby is still so little. With my first baby I'd never let anyone help but with my second I was more than happy! I'm sure if you asked he would be happy to help you out

The only time me and my partner could have an alone time was if my dad or his mam had him. Its a must in a relationship, do what you need to do.