To have thought we might get half an hour alone?

[roarfeckingroarr]

FIL is staying for 8 days. He's in good health. We have a ten week old baby who only sleeps on one of us or for a brief 10-15 min in his bouncer.

WIBU to have thought he might have said, just once, "why don't I take the baby so you two can have half an hour to yourselves?" or am I clouded by desperately missing intimacy with my OH?

@caperplips

Why do people post without reading the full thread or at the very least reading the OPs updates?

They don’t even need to read the updates, even the first OP doesn’t mention anything about sex! So weird and rude!

My dad would gave been desperate to take baby out on his own, to stay in while we nipped upstairs, not a chance

Why can’t you lie and cuddle with the baby? I mean if you just want to cuddle fully clothed?

I mean you and your husband. Not you and the baby

Use the next to me crib and when baby is in that. Then cuddle!

DH is brilliant, he just doesn't know how alone I feel. There's not much more he could do, it's my own issues

Why don't you tell him?

It seems like you're worried about your relationship because your OH is understanding about the situation (ie you have a new baby so sex is difficult) and you don't think he should be (you think he should be desperate to be intimate with you).
He probably has no idea and thinks he's being considerate. If you're desperate for sex have you told him? I'm sure he'd help you find a way to make it work! Or are you not desperate for sex but you think he should be? Or do you think he has lost all interest in sex with you?

Having read most of the thread I think this has nothing to do with fil. You need to carve out a new normal for your relationship. Aim to get into a routine that gives you some time without baby attached to you. Aiming for being able to put baby in cot for a nap. Its early days though and it will get easier.

@CodenameVillanelle

You want your FIL to take your baby so you can have a shag??

😂😂

@Beautifulbonnie

I mean you and your husband. Not you and the baby

Use the next to me crib and when baby is in that. Then cuddle!

Presumably they are also doing that but it’s totally different lying cuddling just the two of you and lying cuddling with the baby there, even if you are fully clothed or maybe they want to be naked- totally normal intimacy for a married couple. She also mentioned wanted to chat, have a bit of a kiss. Again, all normal intimacy for a married couple that is possible with the baby there but different when the baby is not there. She also mentioned that the baby is a bit of a Velcro baby and mostly sleeps on her or her husband, in their arms or co-sleeping. It is totally normal to feel touched out when breastfeeding and co-sleeping with a small baby.

@roarfeckingroarr .

He is a guest not a babysitter, Yabu

@LittleRa

She also mentioned that baby occasionally sleeps in the next to me crib. So could she use this time?

She could go downstairs whilst down there?

Then baby won’t be there?

Eww.

[quote Beautifulbonnie]@LittleRa

She also mentioned that baby occasionally sleeps in the next to me crib. So could she use this time?[/quote]
Yes- occasionally. But as I’ve said in my posts, it’s totally different being alone in the room with your partner than it is having the baby there, even if they are asleep. When the baby is there, you are always on high alert in case they stir, you’re hyper-sensitive to any little noises or movements they make, you might feel weird cuddling up to your husband intimately with the baby there. It is such an overwhelming thing going from just the two of you, being able to do and act as you wish whenever you want, that suddenly being catapulted to having this tiny being that zaps all of your time, energy and attention. The OP is only ten weeks into that. Some people have really lost sight of that feeling and have been so horrible to the OP for craving half an hour of alone time with her partner.

@Beautifulbonnie

She could go downstairs whilst down there?

Then baby won’t be there?

Yes, she could and maybe they do do this but again as I said in my posts (the example where I mentioned my sister held the baby for an hour), it’s different when you are still the one responsible for the baby- even if you’re downstairs you’re keeping an ear out, watching the monitor, not able to relax in the same way you would if you knew someone else was holding them/walking with them in the pram.

If your FIL takes care of your baby for a half hour,whilst you are having sex,will you have to set the alarm for the allotted time frame. It may not matter,if he goes for a walk with the baby, but would be funny,if he just sits on the sofa for half an hour.

OP, what a pity with your FIL with you for 8 days, he didn't take the baby out for a walk for an hour.

I certainly wouldn't think that is either an unreasonable ask.

*SaveWaterDrinkGin
I think you have some issues here that need more than half an hour alone with your husband to fix. I don’t think the way you’re feeling is normal OP.

Feeling exhausted and undesirable 10 weeks PP is more than normal - silly comment to make.*

The OP says ‘I feel invisible and unattractive and deeply lonely’. Deeply lonely? That is not a normal way to feel when you have a partner @princessjasmineofagrabah

@Beautifulbonnie

Why can’t you lie and cuddle with the baby? I mean if you just want to cuddle fully clothed?

We used to do that and we'd all drift off to sleep for a while which was lovely and cosy.

I remember mine slept longer at night at ten weeks though so I do feel sorry for the op if hers will only sleep on one of them.

I know this is no help at the moment but it will pass.

You are stoic having a guest staying for so long when your baby is so young.

I just wanted to join the throngs dying inside reading this cringe AF post.

What's really going on here OP? Have you had sex since the baby was born? Perhaps DH doesn't want to pressure you?

What a load of misery types. YANBU OP. Craving freedom, time to be a individual with individual ('unmotherly') needs is totally completely normal. I'd also hazard a guess and say OH is trying to be kind and respectful rather than cold towards you. As for your FIL, just hand him the baby, I'm sure he'll be fine.

@Winterwoollies

I just wanted to join the throngs dying inside reading this cringe AF post.

Seriously, WHAT is cringe AF about it?!

Ahh l read the updates. Bless you. Being a mum I'd hard.