To have thought we might get half an hour alone?

[roarfeckingroarr]

FIL is staying for 8 days. He's in good health. We have a ten week old baby who only sleeps on one of us or for a brief 10-15 min in his bouncer.

WIBU to have thought he might have said, just once, "why don't I take the baby so you two can have half an hour to yourselves?" or am I clouded by desperately missing intimacy with my OH?

Ah yes, taking baby out in the pram is a good one!

“Fil, baby needs some fresh air. We were wondering if you could please take him for a little walk so we can catch up on some sleep? He isn’t sleeping well at night.”

Offer to give you ''half an hour to yourselves''?

Who would do that? I think you think it sounds like a normal thing but it's not OP. You're normalising it in your head because you want a quicky and no one would possibly guess.

He knows you both get plenty of sleep. Why would he think you'd both be keen to rush off to be alone for half an hour to do anything apart from the obvious? And that's ick.

10 weeks? You're worried about your relationship because you haven't had sex for 10 weeks?

I'm normally very supportive on new born threads but this is pretty OTT.

@BrutusMcDogface that is a good idea. I didn't want some sort of weird soul destroying wink wink have time alone I'll take baby chat, I just generally thought he might have offered to give us a little bit of time alone. Maybe he didn't think and maybe I'm just knackered and want my house back.

I can’t imagine that at 10 weeks the baby doesn’t sleep for at least half an hour where you and DH could shag.

Gosh there are some miserable buggers on this thread. OP, I don't think there is anything wrong with asking your fil in to take the baby for a little walk, you don't have to explain anything about what you are going to do with 30 minutes baby free time.

I really don't understand why it's ok to go to the gym, have some pamper time or a nap but not to spend some time being intimate with your partner. Your relationship and needs are still important.

When was the last time your FIL cared for a young baby by himself? I wouldn't expect him to be comfortable with that.

Also, yeah its gross to want him to look after the baby so you can have sex.

@Laiste DH found sex when I was pregnant difficult so we haven't since I was around 6 months. I think I explained badly. It isn't some sort of dirty quickie I'm desperate for, even to just lie fully clothed together and just be normal, talk, hug, share more than a quick kiss would be wonderful. I'm lonely and I'm sad.

I think you're backtracking here - your OP really made it sound like you want your FIL to look after your baby while you have sex. That's weird.

What you're suggesting is that he notice you and your DH need him to offer to hold the baby because you are missing 'intimacy'. And you think it's odd he hasn't done that. I think it would be beyond odd if he did. Why would that even cross his mind?! How would that conversation even go?

@TheSparkling

Gosh there are some miserable buggers on this thread. OP, I don't think there is anything wrong with asking your fil in to take the baby for a little walk, you don't have to explain anything about what you are going to do with 30 minutes baby free time.

I really don't understand why it's ok to go to the gym, have some pamper time or a nap but not to spend some time being intimate with your partner. Your relationship and needs are still important.

Thank you for being kind. I'm feeling a bit fragile abs lonely today.

Just have sex while your baby is awake AFTER your father in law has gone home. The baby won't have a clue. And if you miss closeness then sit together on the couch while the baby is asleep on one of you.

Have you asked him?

Yo at people aren't mind readers and if he wasn't a hands on dad it won't occur to him

Why can’t you be close to your husband once fil and baby gone to bed? Why is it soo important in the 8 days you have a visitor that you have that alone time

Id not expect my dad or fil to have had either of my kids - I wouldn’t think either of them would have offered either

If he sees your so attached to the baby ( seemingly) it’s probably not occurred to him. Small babies can be terrifying to people who aren’t used to them. Maybe ask him to walk the baby?
A d as for your shagging issue

• go have one when the baby is asleep...

Im going to leave this now. My OP was badly written and I'm too emotionally strung out today for a lot of these responses. This wasn't about sex, more all the feelings of change after having your first baby combined with feeling like a human milk bar not a person or a partner (I'm ebf), plus missing feeling connected to my partner, and irritation with having a visitor too long.

When we were allowed to visit, I would always offer to take babies for a walk (or do stuff like hanging out washing, empty the dishwasher) but so a mum can have a shower or spend time with an older sibling. Maybe they are actually heading off for a quickie while I wheel my way round the park!

If he’s off home tomorrow, can you plan some time for the two of you then? There must be something baby will do for 20 minutes... a bouncer, one of those colourful baby shows, lying on an activity mat?

Fitting it in around baby might make you feel better anyway, weirdly, to show that you can still do it and won’t have to rely on other people or babysitters.

For today, does DH know that you feel lonely and sad? Surely a hug would help with that - and you can do that today?

There is nothing wrong with wanting sex with your husband either op ignore op

Oh well, it makes a change from all those who think their in-laws are outrageous for wanting a peep or God forbid a hold of the baby.

YABU. I'm not at all surprised that FIL hasn't suggested taking the baby, for whatever reason.

This is a strange thread!
OP are you sad & lonely because your dp has not missed / initiated any intimacy with you in the past 6 months at all?
That's a whole other problem/ conversation to wanting your fil to give you 30 mins to have sex though...
You need to speak to your dp once your fil leaves. Why can't you have sex while the baby sleeps?

@HopeAndDriftWood @marvelousmadmadammim thank you. DH is brilliant, he just doesn't know how alone I feel. There's not much more he could do, it's my own issues, and I don't want him to worry about me more than he does already.

Is this indicative of wider relationship problems?

Yes, a baby can be a sledgehammer to a relationship, it's really hard and a big change to your life! To say you are worried your relationship won't recover though is a more severe than the usual getting used to life with a newborn.

Cross post.

Kudos to you OP for hosting with such a small baby.

@JazzyGeoff thanks