Secondhand jumper from SiL

[Propercrimbo2020]

So, have been married for 6 years, been with OH for 12 years, always got on with SiL, her and her OH have very good jobs (i.e. money isn’t the problem).

Present opened this morning (which was sent as they’re not local to us), ‘oh lovely’ I thought, but too small.
Looked online to see if I could contact the company direct to get a bigger size (2 sizes bigger....!) as I didn’t want to say ‘oh I like the jumper but it’s way too small’ and have to send it back to her to exchange to send back, and couldn’t find the jumper online.
Had another look at the jumper to see if there was anything to help me find it, and noticed small balls inside (you get when the jumper has been washed), a small mark on the sleeve, and also ‘been washed’ balls under the armpits (outside).

This is a second hand jumper that she’s sent to me as a Christmas present.....

OH got gin, child got a couple of (new) presents.

Am I being unreasonable feeling a bit by this?

As I mentioned above, her and her husband have not got any money issues, both have very well paid jobs (that have not been effected by Covid) and we’ve always got on well.

I just feel a bit upset she’s done this, and don’t want to say anything as I’d probably end up the bad guy, but also really confused why she did?!

@IWantT0BreakFree but its 2 sizes too small so not thoughtful
If your going to buy second hand you but the right size
No harm in op asking of sil can exchange it as doesn't fit , its a risk you take if you but second hand
Also some people don't like second hand for various reAsons
If op keeps it and says nothing she may end up with wrong size jumper every year and of sil asks have you worn jumper does she lie ?

She is unlikely to have bought this to deliberately offend you. She thought you’d like it. You said yourself she usually buys you good presents, so okay, she didn’t get it right this year. Don’t embarrass her by asking for the receipt, especially as you know she can’t produce it.
Give her a break, you’re an adult, you’re not entitled to presents. Be a bit miffed then move on.

@Buffs oh give it a rest

No tags.
Clearly a used jumper due to the bobbles under the arms. And also because the company doesn’t sell it anymore. And also because it smells like it’s been washed (in a good way).

No problem if it was the right size. I would wear it. But can’t as it’s a ‘S’ and I’m an ‘L’.

Will put it down to a shitty year, and give it to a friend or charity.

I purchased a pair of doc marten shoes for my partner from schuh in the sale at £74.99 ( part of his Christmas presents) they came to me clearly worn (creases in front and crease with blown leather on side) I rang them up and they said if you keep them we'll give you 20% off I said in that state they're only worth 20% of price! Could it have been a send back jumper and sil didn't notice?

Cadet

If everyone who doesn’t share your views ‘gave it a rest’ what would make the thread interesting?

Text its bit too small so sending back, hope she can exchange for bigger size. Fly on wall Haha

YABU and really entitled.

You don’t know what their money issues are like.

Second hand gifts should be absolutely normalised.

You sound bratty.

Why us asking for a receipt causing a drama?
How us it a passive aggressive?
Why leave it?

At this point you ’know’ nothing but have assumed everything.
It may be second hand or from a charity shop. It may not be. It may be even tried on in the shop a few times or returned a few times after being tried on at home.
Asking for the receipt to exchange isn't wrong. It's not wrong to want the gift in your size.
Finding a receipt isn't a drama or embarrassing.
Not doing so is what fills charity shops up and creates waste. It's more environmentally friendly to ask for the receipt, exchange it and wear it.

Some people are so wasteful. It's not rude or embarrassing at all to ask to exchange. Ask- see what response you get. If it is second hand you still want a jumper in your size. If she's not embarrassed to give it dye should be fine about the receipt. If there isn't one equally so.

I was given a box of chocolates from a friend one year. When I unwrapped it, I found the box had been opened and some chocolates already eaten! That was quite a shock. And upsetting as I had gone out of my way to get nice things for her. Fortunately I didn’t like them and threw them out. I doubt it was intentional, just an oversight. I have never said anything to her and wouldn’t. At the end of the day, it’s just a Christmas gift. You don’t give to receive. Accept what’s given, or not and move on. Perhaps don’t do presents next year or do them just for the kids to avoid tat 🤷‍♀️ I agree with others here, grin & bear and just pass on to charity.

@Sarahrellyboo1987

YABU and really entitled.

You don’t know what their money issues are like.

Second hand gifts should be absolutely normalised.

You sound bratty.

Did you miss the part where the OP said it was 2 sizes too small? Surely even a second hand gift should be usable by the receiver?

I would ask for the receipt. She needs to know it doesn't fit otherwise you risk the same thing happening in future.

She won't have one so tell her you will make sure it goes to a good home.

You don't need to feel awkward, neither does she.

@Ddot

Text its bit too small so sending back, hope she can exchange for bigger size. Fly on wall Haha

I think this is clever. Then she owes you a present.

I don’t see how asking for a receipt will achieve anything except bad feeling.

I don’t mind second hand either but why would she give size S when you are size L.
I think it’s totally ok to talk to her about it. Say you absolutely loved it but it sad that you can’t wear it. I don’t see any harm or embarrassment in that.

Sarahrellyboo1987 - Wow, someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning!

It’s too small!!!!!!! Two sizes too small!!!!!

I’ve already said I would keep and wear it IF IT FIT!

It's a bit odd but there are bigger things to get pissy about right now.

@Rache49 why bother commenting, aren't there bigger things to be giving your attention to now?

Just say look bitch do I look like a small. Naa only kidding

@salsmum

I purchased a pair of doc marten shoes for my partner from schuh in the sale at £74.99 ( part of his Christmas presents) they came to me clearly worn (creases in front and crease with blown leather on side) I rang them up and they said if you keep them we'll give you 20% off I said in that state they're only worth 20% of price! Could it have been a send back jumper and sil didn't notice?

That's so cheeky of schuh!

@Propercrimbo2020

Sarahrellyboo1987 - Wow, someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning!

It’s too small!!!!!!! Two sizes too small!!!!!

I’ve already said I would keep and wear it IF IT FIT!

OP I think you’re right to start wondering why the change...I would too, some people are a lot more thick skinned than us it seems.

I think you’re right to leave it and I would wait and see what happens on your birthday/next Christmas. What does your DH think?

Ignore the thick skinned haters, people can’t help being more sensitive than others - it’s a gift not a disability. xx

'Dear SIL, thank you for the gorgeous jumper, I really love it, unfortunately it's too small, I wonder if you could send me the receipt so I can exchanged it for a 'Large'

I would not be perturbed by a second hand jumper. My husband got me several second hand jumpers this year as I like cashmere and think they are overpriced when new! I think when it comes to adults a gift is a gift and it is about people finding something that they think you would like. My friends and I often gift each other clothes that are too big/small and we could all afford to buy them new! Do let your SIL know that it was too small though so she can find the correct size next time.

@MispyM

It's reasonable to find it a bit strange and to wonder how it came about, but what would you hope to achieve by going through some weird pantomime about receipts? Teach her a lesson? At the cost of ruining what you thought was a decent relationship? Is it really so important?

Yes. 100% agree with this.

I totally agree with this. I got myself into a situation like this once and regretted it almost immediately. I was given something the wrong size and asked for receipt, the whole thing unravelled, and my then-SIL ended up offering me cash instead. Of course I declined. But it was awful. My advice would be to privately be annoyed / confused etc, but don't do anything about it. Life's too short,

If you dont send it back you may get the wrong size every year. Just say how much you like it but its unfortunately too small. Is their any chance she can get it exchanged

I was gifted a watch from next by a good friend a few years ago which didn't work
We were together and I took it back to the shop for replacement
They said this watch was £1 in the sale.. Do you want a refund?
She was really embarrassed
Funnily enough since then she has given me much nicer gifts