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AIBU?

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Original poster

Secondhand jumper from SiL

225 replies

Propercrimbo2020 · 26/12/2020 00:01

So, have been married for 6 years, been with OH for 12 years, always got on with SiL, her and her OH have very good jobs (i.e. money isn’t the problem).

Present opened this morning (which was sent as they’re not local to us), ‘oh lovely’ I thought, but too small.
Looked online to see if I could contact the company direct to get a bigger size (2 sizes bigger....!) as I didn’t want to say ‘oh I like the jumper but it’s way too small’ and have to send it back to her to exchange to send back, and couldn’t find the jumper online.
Had another look at the jumper to see if there was anything to help me find it, and noticed small balls inside (you get when the jumper has been washed), a small mark on the sleeve, and also ‘been washed’ balls under the armpits (outside).

This is a second hand jumper that she’s sent to me as a Christmas present.....

OH got gin, child got a couple of (new) presents.

Am I being unreasonable feeling a bit Confused by this?

As I mentioned above, her and her husband have not got any money issues, both have very well paid jobs (that have not been effected by Covid) and we’ve always got on well.

I just feel a bit upset she’s done this, and don’t want to say anything as I’d probably end up the bad guy, but also really confused why she did?!

OP posts:
squeekums · 26/12/2020 03:54

@AdultHumanFemale

Please don't be annoyed or take it personally. My hunch is that she's woken up to the craziness that is token gift-giving between adults at Christmas, and is putting her head above the parapet and doing a good turn for the environment, likely thinking that you're the sort of person who 'gets it', especially as you have kids and are probably already thinking along the lines of reducing the strain on natural resources through extraction and manufacturing. It's a pity the jumper doesn't fit, but be flattered; your SIL thinks highly of you and no harm has been caused to the environment as a result of her choosing a gift for you.
Ahh i have kids, id be annoyed at a 2nd hand jumper. I dont care if a tree was saved or whatever. They not as warm or soft, comes off as cheap and thoughtless given it had fluff balls on seams. If SIL thought highly of OP she would have asked her brother the OP size and bought a new one without balls of fluff on it
GammyLeg · 26/12/2020 04:05

@BlueThistles

Yes OP just accept that shit gift and you be grateful now you hear 😏🤔🙄
No one has said she has to be grateful. But there are some really childish and petty responses. Are you all this PA in real life?

It was a dud gift. Just move forward and forget about it.

pippistrelle · 26/12/2020 04:05

It's reasonable to find it a bit strange and to wonder how it came about, but what would you hope to achieve by going through some weird pantomime about receipts? Teach her a lesson? At the cost of ruining what you thought was a decent relationship? Is it really so important?

Mintjulia · 26/12/2020 04:11

Having great jobs doesn't necessarily mean people have loads of money. OP, be careful if you don't know what is happening in their lives, this has been a very difficult year for some.

If you ask her for the receipt, and she can't send it to you, all that will happen is she will feel embarrassed and you still won't have a jumper that fits. How is that any better? What will you have achieved?

If she has been kind and thoughtful in the past and this is out of character, I'd not say anything.

QOD · 26/12/2020 04:14

Does it have tags on it?

squeekums · 26/12/2020 04:18

to all those saying accept it and move one
what happens when the SIL asks OP why she never wears it?

popebenedictsp45 · 26/12/2020 04:27

@squeekums

to all those saying accept it and move one what happens when the SIL asks OP why she never wears it?
Er... the truth??

"It was lovely, but a bit small unfortunately so I haven't been able to get into it."

It's really not that hard. Way easier than being passive-aggressive and asking for the receipt.

thosetalesofunexpected · 26/12/2020 04:28

@buckeejit

I agree with your sentiments, same as mine,
your comments Post are good.,,😊

inquietant · 26/12/2020 04:35

I also wouldn't say anything, what's the point?

Whatayear1234 · 26/12/2020 04:41

My SIL did this once (jumper too). To be honest, I quietly let it go to the charity shop. She buys lots of second hand and did this year for DD (not clothes but something she specifically wanted) so it was fine and more importantly, clean and in good condition.
Second hand is fine, it just seems a bit random if she doesn't normally do it. Im wondering if she wrapped the wrong thing and is now looking for her jumper Xmas Grin

AppleJane · 26/12/2020 04:47

Sounds like you were forgotten and she ran round the house last minute looking for something to wrap up!

Are they struggling with anything at the moment?

Incrediblytired · 26/12/2020 04:51

Either give it to a charity shop or ask for a gift receipt so that you can exchange.

Maybe she bought it from eBay or something, advertised as “new without tags”, wrapped and gave it to you without knowing.

squeekums · 26/12/2020 05:02

"It was lovely, but a bit small unfortunately so I haven't been able to get into it."
It's really not that hard. Way easier than being passive-aggressive and asking for the receipt.

Thats just a sugar coated you got me something useless
Why not be honest and say you dont like it, want to return it and can she have receipt please.
If SIL was trying to pass off 2nd hand as new, thats her own fault for being stingy as now she will have to fess up.
If she dont mind OP knowing it was 2nd hand, they will work out something that suits them to fix it up

Janonomouse · 26/12/2020 05:24

If you liked it and it wasnt obviously worse for wear, I dont think its necessarily an awful present. Shopping opportunities are kinda limited this year too.

LadyMinerva · 26/12/2020 06:02

@pippistrelle

It's reasonable to find it a bit strange and to wonder how it came about, but what would you hope to achieve by going through some weird pantomime about receipts? Teach her a lesson? At the cost of ruining what you thought was a decent relationship? Is it really so important?
This with bells on.

I've received some out there stuff in the past but I was raised to believe it's the thought that counts.

Have we become that grabby these days?

blisstwins · 26/12/2020 06:08

I wouold just donate it and move on. What point are you going to prove? People are weird. If this is the weirdest, most obnoxious thing consider yourself lucky.

2BDIs · 26/12/2020 06:47

Yanbu being annoyed at getting a 2nd hand jumper as a present but don't presume to judge others financial situation just from the small snippet of peoples lives you see. Many assume my husband and I are well off because of our jobs and what we have but due to covid we are struggling. We don't discuss it as its noone else's business.

Roselilly36 · 26/12/2020 06:53

Perhaps they are struggling financially?

GammyLeg · 26/12/2020 07:56

@squeekums

*"It was lovely, but a bit small unfortunately so I haven't been able to get into it."* *It's really not that hard. Way easier than being passive-aggressive and asking for the receipt.*

Thats just a sugar coated you got me something useless
Why not be honest and say you dont like it, want to return it and can she have receipt please.
If SIL was trying to pass off 2nd hand as new, thats her own fault for being stingy as now she will have to fess up.
If she dont mind OP knowing it was 2nd hand, they will work out something that suits them to fix it up

What’s wrong with sugar coating it? It’s a tactful response. The OP knows there’s no receipt as it was secondhand. Asking for one is passive aggressive. Why embarrass her? I don’t get the need to drum up drama out of nowhere just to get the upper hand.
TildaTurnip · 26/12/2020 08:02

If someone gives you a gift then why is it grabby it’s making drama to actually want to be able to use it? Do you saying this, never swap for the right size? How weird to just accept stuff that you know will be wasted.

OhYesYouDidBoo · 26/12/2020 08:10

Its incredibly silly to suggest that someone just accept something too small for them and not say anything..that simply means that next time they buy (or regift) a clothing item you will get it in that wrong size again as they will believe they got it right. As for 2nd hand and obviously used, that's just beyond the pale.

thecatsarecrazy · 26/12/2020 08:16

My husband's nan gave me oven gloves. I thought well don't really like the colour but be useful. Then I looked at them and they have paint on. Obviously second hand or been in her kitchen and not used. I felt deeply insulted. She always gives me shit and I've suspected for a long time she just picked random crap up from around the house. Now it's been confirmed.

Kokosrieksts · 26/12/2020 08:35

I would give it to charity. Why make a big deal out of it? It really could have been that she saw it and thought it would be lovely for you or she hadn’t got you a present on time and panic wrapped whatever she could. Depends on your relationship overall, but I wouldn’t hold a grudge about this.

79andnotout · 26/12/2020 08:38

I'd quite happily give someone a vintage jumper (in fact my mum gets most of our Christmas presents in a charity shop, with mixed and sometimes very entertaining results - a beaded belly dancers bikini being one notable present!), however I'd leave the tags on and details of the vintage shop so it could be returned or exchanged.

HollyGenneroMcClane · 26/12/2020 08:46

I often add a bagful of hand-me-down toys / clothes etc to my nephews Christmas and birthday presents. Better than going to the landfill

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