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AIBU?

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Original poster

Secondhand jumper from SiL

225 replies

Propercrimbo2020 · 26/12/2020 00:01

So, have been married for 6 years, been with OH for 12 years, always got on with SiL, her and her OH have very good jobs (i.e. money isn’t the problem).

Present opened this morning (which was sent as they’re not local to us), ‘oh lovely’ I thought, but too small.
Looked online to see if I could contact the company direct to get a bigger size (2 sizes bigger....!) as I didn’t want to say ‘oh I like the jumper but it’s way too small’ and have to send it back to her to exchange to send back, and couldn’t find the jumper online.
Had another look at the jumper to see if there was anything to help me find it, and noticed small balls inside (you get when the jumper has been washed), a small mark on the sleeve, and also ‘been washed’ balls under the armpits (outside).

This is a second hand jumper that she’s sent to me as a Christmas present.....

OH got gin, child got a couple of (new) presents.

Am I being unreasonable feeling a bit Confused by this?

As I mentioned above, her and her husband have not got any money issues, both have very well paid jobs (that have not been effected by Covid) and we’ve always got on well.

I just feel a bit upset she’s done this, and don’t want to say anything as I’d probably end up the bad guy, but also really confused why she did?!

OP posts:
SpaceOp · 26/12/2020 00:53

Agree with others. Just tell her it's too small and ask her the best way to exchange it. There could be any number of reasons but I'd say her getting your size that wrong is a sign she wasn't exactly thinking about you (unless you've ballooned over lockdown and the jumper is in your pre-March size). [Or if she's like MIL who would rather buy something too small than acknowledge a person might be a bit bigger. it's weird.]

Gwenhwyfar · 26/12/2020 00:56

I didn't know it was wrong to give second hand clothes as gifts. I've never done it, but if I saw something good I wouldn't think it was wrong.

santabaybee · 26/12/2020 01:01

Maybe she's trying to be more environmentally friendly and cut down on clothes waste. Just send it to charity if it doesn't fit someone will be grateful for it. No need to make a big deal or purposely make her embarrassed

FAQs · 26/12/2020 01:05

Items returned to store or online are repackaged and sent back out. Possibly a reason? I stopped ordering from Next because of receiving a couple of items clearly worn.

FrauFreud · 26/12/2020 01:11

Maybe on a tight budget this year? Really so bad?

eaglejulesk · 26/12/2020 01:15

I would do as a pp suggested and give it to charity, someone else might as well have the use of it. Everyone gets gifts they don't want or aren't suitable now and again, there's no need to make a big deal about it. It does sound as though she has gifted you one of her jumpers, there may be a good reason for that but honestly, is it worth making a fuss over?

Givemeabreak88 · 26/12/2020 01:15

I didn’t realise it was wrong to give second hand gifts either, everything my mum has bought for my kids was from the charity shop, she doesn’t struggle financially and I don’t personally buy second hand gifts, not sure if I’m suppose to be offended now Confused

FortunesFave · 26/12/2020 01:15

I didn't know it was wrong to give second hand clothes as gifts.

Hmm

Really?

FortunesFave · 26/12/2020 01:16

Look...it's not "wrong" but it IS a bit weird if it's not what you've always done as a family.

MILLYmo0se · 26/12/2020 01:20

Tbh given that she has a history of thoughtful gifts it sounds like she accidentally wrapped something of hers(or asked her OH to wrap your gift🙄)

HMSBeagle · 26/12/2020 01:20

It's really eco friendly either if it doesnt fit. Second hand clothes are great but it's just tat if it's of no use due to being small surely?

It's about as useful as buying my straight teen son a dress.

cabbageking · 26/12/2020 01:21

Just give it back to her and ask for a larger size.

She can deal with any issues.

AdultHumanFemale · 26/12/2020 01:30

Please don't be annoyed or take it personally.
My hunch is that she's woken up to the craziness that is token gift-giving between adults at Christmas, and is putting her head above the parapet and doing a good turn for the environment, likely thinking that you're the sort of person who 'gets it', especially as you have kids and are probably already thinking along the lines of reducing the strain on natural resources through extraction and manufacturing. It's a pity the jumper doesn't fit, but be flattered; your SIL thinks highly of you and no harm has been caused to the environment as a result of her choosing a gift for you.

BlueThistles · 26/12/2020 01:36

Please don't be annoyed or take it personally.

how else is OP meant to take it.. 🤣 it was a christmas gift for OP... personally and only for OP... 🤔

80sColourfulChristmas · 26/12/2020 01:43

Yeah she doesn't like you very much....

Also, two sizes too small? One would be a fair enough mistake, but two? Deliberate passive aggressive dig

Bikingbear · 26/12/2020 01:57

Is it her size?

I suspect that its been given in error however I'd either ask for the receipt (thanks but wrong size) or ask 'SIL is this the gift I was met to get, it's too small and the tags missing'

GammyLeg · 26/12/2020 02:04

Just let it go, and give it to charity.

You say you get along with her, just write it off as a one off. It really doesn't need to be a big deal with drama and strategies to catch her out.

StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads · 26/12/2020 02:04

Just give it to the charity shop and move on. No need for a big drama over something like this.

nzeire · 26/12/2020 02:12

Omg, please don’t ask her for receipt, just THANKYOU is enough and pass it on.

The worlds gone mad

Popebenedictsp45 · 26/12/2020 02:24

Can't believe all the responses advocating for passive-aggression: asking for a receipt and lying about putting on lockdown weight?!

Just forget about it. Life is too short to create drama with someone you get along with. You are going to be the one who looks unreasonable if you start with the suggested game-playing nonsense.

BlueThistles · 26/12/2020 02:57

Yes OP just accept that shit gift and you be grateful now you hear 😏🤔🙄

nzeire · 26/12/2020 02:59

No need to be grateful, but no need to be a dick about it

Yukay · 26/12/2020 03:04

She’s always got me great gifts in the past, nothing expensive but nice ‘thought about’ gifts
She normally gets you great gifts, it's been a crazy year, she probably forgot to pick something up and didn't realise and had a last minute panic.
Just give it to a charity shop and forget about it, no need to make a big fuss when she's normally a good gift giver.

eaglejulesk · 26/12/2020 03:10

The worlds gone mad

I agree with this

sneakysnoopysniper · 26/12/2020 03:35

Give it back to her next year or for her birthday!