Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

Secondhand jumper from SiL

225 replies

Propercrimbo2020 · 26/12/2020 00:01

So, have been married for 6 years, been with OH for 12 years, always got on with SiL, her and her OH have very good jobs (i.e. money isn’t the problem).

Present opened this morning (which was sent as they’re not local to us), ‘oh lovely’ I thought, but too small.
Looked online to see if I could contact the company direct to get a bigger size (2 sizes bigger....!) as I didn’t want to say ‘oh I like the jumper but it’s way too small’ and have to send it back to her to exchange to send back, and couldn’t find the jumper online.
Had another look at the jumper to see if there was anything to help me find it, and noticed small balls inside (you get when the jumper has been washed), a small mark on the sleeve, and also ‘been washed’ balls under the armpits (outside).

This is a second hand jumper that she’s sent to me as a Christmas present.....

OH got gin, child got a couple of (new) presents.

Am I being unreasonable feeling a bit by this?

As I mentioned above, her and her husband have not got any money issues, both have very well paid jobs (that have not been effected by Covid) and we’ve always got on well.

I just feel a bit upset she’s done this, and don’t want to say anything as I’d probably end up the bad guy, but also really confused why she did?!

OP posts:

HerkyBaby · 26/12/2020 08:56

If you’ve got a cat or a dog just pop it in their basket/ bed for additional comfort. Then let it go apart from the picture of Fido/ Felix looking festive ( add tinsel / antlers) that you will post on social media with them in their comfortable bed.
OR you could just email and say . Really uncomfortable about saying this but I think the company you ordered this jumper from hadn’t checked a returned item before sending it out as it has a stain, bobbles etc.

zigaziga · 26/12/2020 09:00

I often add a bagful of hand-me-down toys / clothes etc to my nephews Christmas and birthday presents. Better than going to the landfill

Yes I agree.

In fact, all the plastic toys I got for DC for Christmas (which made up the bulk of their presents) was second hand. I always try to buy second hand if I can these days. It’s not about the money but the waste.

I don’t think we should be precious about getting second hand gifts at all but I can see the issue here is that it’s likely just her jumper and she forgot you and being the wrong size means it’s obviously now just wasted.

Sally872 · 26/12/2020 09:04

If this is put of character I wouldn't say anything, give her the benefit of the doubt. I would assume she struggled to shop as normal this yr due to covid, perhaps delivery didn't turn up and she had loads of parcels so didn't realise.

If it becomes a pattern I would feel differently but as she normally gives thoughtful gifts and you get on I would let this one go. I certainly wouldn't embarrass her by catching her out asking for receipt.

Original poster

Propercrimbo2020 · 26/12/2020 09:17

Maybe I won’t say anything then and just give it away.
She’s not got form for this so I think I’m just a bit surprised.
But equally as a family they do send Christmas and birthday cards late, or not at all sometimes!
The jumper is a size small, I’ve probably not been that size for 6+ years (and have seen her in that time!), and the brand is one that I know she wears (and has given me new gifts from that company before).
I think maybe she did forget me, panicked as it needed to be posted to get to us in time, and stuck that in to ‘cover’ my gift maybe!?

But yeah, I don’t want to cause issues or embarrass her, and it has been a weird old year for everyone so I’ll let it go.

And I’m more than happy with secondhand things, we actually bought our child a secondhand bike for Christmas as it’s an expensive brand and we got one for £30.

I think maybe I was also a bit disappointed as I do look forward to her presents!

OH has said I can share his gin, so all good!

OP posts:

thebakeoffwasntasgoodthisyear · 26/12/2020 09:18

I’d probably sell it on eBay and next year suggest that you all just buy for the nieces and nephews instead of the adults.

ElizaLaLa · 26/12/2020 09:21

I don't get all the angst on here this year about regifted or 2nd hand items.

With the state of the environment, people need to get used to doing this rather than buying NEW, NEW, NEW all the time.

If toiletries haven't been used, what's wrong with a slightly bashed up box? If an item of clothing is perfect for you, who cares if its 2nd hand?

People need to get over themselves.

Justsocross · 26/12/2020 09:24

Could it be that in all the Christmas madness she wrapped the wrong jumper ???? It’s a possibility if she had fresh laundry on the Ned whilst doing her wrapping

fussychica · 26/12/2020 09:30

It's too small. You are asking her for the receipt as it's too small.
If you hadn't realised it was second-hand surely you'd have told her it was too small and asked for the receipt. She doesn't have to know you know.
I wouldn't be disappointed with a great second-hand sweater that fitted me and didn't have bobbles and marks on but this is taking the piss. A generic box of chocs would have been better.

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/12/2020 09:32

Do you think they forgot to get you a present so sent you something of SIL's?

Ithinkim · 26/12/2020 09:47

Ask where she bought it so you can exchange it.

Or give it back to her, she might have forgotten you and has been made to part with one of her favourite jumpers

ElizaLaLa · 26/12/2020 09:56

If she doesn't normally send things like this though I'd check with her before sending it to the charity shop. She could have wrapped the wrong thing and want the jumper.

Original poster

Propercrimbo2020 · 26/12/2020 10:10

I wouldn’t have an issue if I could wear it, ElizaLaLa.

It’s a good quality brand, but is 2 sizes too small.

I don’t want to embarrass her but equally, as others have said, if it was new I would ask for a bigger size (which is what I was originally going to do by contacting the company direct).

But I’ll leave it.

OP posts:

PinkiOcelot · 26/12/2020 10:22

So people on here go rifling through their wardrobe and take things out thinking, I’ll wrap that for Susan, ahh that’ll do for Jane?? Because I don’t know anyone who does that.

And people wouldn’t ask for a receipt? What’s passive aggressive about asking for a receipt?!

Some people on here!!

Notcontent · 26/12/2020 10:40

I buy a lot of second hand things. On a few occasions I have given my DM second hand gifts when I have found a really nice item in perfect condition, and I have told her it was second hand. But I would not do that for anyone else, and certainly not if it was not in perfect condition.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 26/12/2020 10:49

Maybe I'm petty but I would definitely say 'I love it but it's a bit small can you send the receipt so I can exchange it for a bigger size'.

I actually don't mind second hand stuff. I'd much rather someone bought me a good quality second hand gift they thought I'd like than some new tat but this obviously isn't what sil is doing since it's stained and not your size.

rainbowstardrops · 26/12/2020 10:57

Why would you just leave it if it's too small??? It's kind of irrelevant if it's second hand if you're not bothered by that but you can't make use of it?
It always baffles me how people can't just communicate!!!
Just a quick email or call to say you love it but it's too small and can you have the receipt so you can get a refund. You don't actually know the circumstances, so just ask for a refund/replacement and see what she says!

EleanorOalike · 26/12/2020 11:00

I’ve received a second hand present this year (used wallet) and, although I’ll be called “precious” and “not environmentally friendly”, I do feel a bit insulted. Again, it’s a decent brand but came in a box that was quite tatty and was obviously quite scratched and manhandled, had several scratches on, and when I opened the wallet it’s quite manhandled with marks on the inside and although it was at some point lovely it just feels a bit manky. The going rate for it in Charity Shops is about fiver. I suspect it’s been doing the rounds for a couple of years. I’m grateful the charity will have received a donation. It’s a work colleague and friend so unfortunately I feel obliged to be seen to use it, otherwise I would have donated it again.

Honestly, a cheap box of chocs or a few bits of stationery would have cost less and wouldn’t have made me feel as...well I don’t know how to explain it...but now I’ve got to be seen as using a manky purse that’s come from goodness knows where that no one else wanted and I suppose I feel a bit embarrassed by it all. I’ve of course thanked my colleague profusely and said how kind they were.

I think it probably doesn’t help that I’ve had OCD since I was a toddler (was diagnosed at 4) and a lot of it revolves around cleanliness, trying not to touch things that have been touched by other people a lot etc and I’ve never been able to feel comfortable wearing anything second hand as much as I’ve really tried. That part of my mind goes into over drive and I start thinking about “what if it came from a filthy house?”, “what if they had mice?” etc. I know it’s ridiculous but it’s a genuine condition that I’ve come far with but not far enough to be comfortable using charity shop stuff or hand me downs yet.

I think it’s not unreasonable to feel a bit put out OP. No one I know in real life would think it was acceptable to give out already worn items from a charity shop or someone’s own wardrobe as a Christmas present and they wouldn’t be delighted to receive it either.

thecognoscenti · 26/12/2020 11:02

Just leave it. Give it to charity. Do you really need another jumper? Were you relying on the gift so you'd have something to wear? Probably not. She may be thinking of the environment, which all of us should do more. Few of us in the developed world need more 'stuff'.

notanothertakeaway · 26/12/2020 11:06

I'd send a friendly email to say you love it, but doesn't fit, you'd like to exchange, did it by any chance come with a gift receipt? And then leave it. Next year, get her a charity goat. Or give the jumper back to her

Nuttyfellalovesnutella · 26/12/2020 11:07

Maybe they are going through harder times than you realise.

Maybe she thought nice brand - and great price while in a charity shop and thought of you.

Charity shops are a great way of recycling in a world where we throw away too many things.

Also it’s only a jumper.

It’s a gift, lots of people don’t get gifts.

I would just leave it and not let this get to you.

notanothertakeaway · 26/12/2020 11:08

@thecognoscenti

@thecognoscenti

In that case, better to suggest stopping Christmas gifts, or agree a £5 budget, or just pass the jumper on to OP any time. It's passing off a second hand item as a new gift that would irritate me

LadyMinerva · 26/12/2020 11:09

@PinkiOcelot

So people on here go rifling through their wardrobe and take things out thinking, I’ll wrap that for Susan, ahh that’ll do for Jane?? Because I don’t know anyone who does that.

And people wouldn’t ask for a receipt? What’s passive aggressive about asking for a receipt?!

Some people on here!!

What's passive aggressive about that is that OP and everyone else here knows damn well that SIL does not have the receipt.

OP has a choice here to open up a can of worms or just let it slide by. Neither choice is right or wrong.

boilinthebagrice · 26/12/2020 11:14

Another alternative is that she bought it for you presuming it was new, but perhaps someone had previously ( worn it and ) exchanged it at the shop?
Did it still have a tag on it? I wouldn't buy someone a new jumper and take the tag off.
I'd definitely contact her and ask for receipt.

Almostslimjim · 26/12/2020 11:14

Wouldn't bother me, I'd prefer it fitted though! I'm very happy with second hand gifts. Most of what we buy is second hand, we've got plenty of money (relatively speaking) I just don't see the point in buying brand new, it's bad for the environment and wasteful. I'll only gift second hand stuff though if I know that the recipient is happy with second hand stuff (such as my sister). Does SIL know you don't like second hand?

Lemmeout · 26/12/2020 11:17

Why would you feel awkward?
She’s the cheap skate. Ask for the receipt, saying you’d like to return it because it has clearly been worn and some cheeky fecker has returned for a refund!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9