Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Secondhand jumper from SiL

225 replies

Propercrimbo2020 · 26/12/2020 00:01

So, have been married for 6 years, been with OH for 12 years, always got on with SiL, her and her OH have very good jobs (i.e. money isn’t the problem).

Present opened this morning (which was sent as they’re not local to us), ‘oh lovely’ I thought, but too small.
Looked online to see if I could contact the company direct to get a bigger size (2 sizes bigger....!) as I didn’t want to say ‘oh I like the jumper but it’s way too small’ and have to send it back to her to exchange to send back, and couldn’t find the jumper online.
Had another look at the jumper to see if there was anything to help me find it, and noticed small balls inside (you get when the jumper has been washed), a small mark on the sleeve, and also ‘been washed’ balls under the armpits (outside).

This is a second hand jumper that she’s sent to me as a Christmas present.....

OH got gin, child got a couple of (new) presents.

Am I being unreasonable feeling a bit Confused by this?

As I mentioned above, her and her husband have not got any money issues, both have very well paid jobs (that have not been effected by Covid) and we’ve always got on well.

I just feel a bit upset she’s done this, and don’t want to say anything as I’d probably end up the bad guy, but also really confused why she did?!

OP posts:
caringcarer · 27/12/2020 20:02

Just email and say it is 2 sizes too small, should you return to her do she can exchange or can she send receipt. She will probably ask you to return it and buy you a new bigger jumper.

caringcarer · 27/12/2020 20:05

She might have forgotten about you and felt embarrassed do I stead of gifting you a gift voucher she hunted put something she thought would do for you.

urkidding · 27/12/2020 20:10

Have an agreement not to exchange presents with anyone except your immediate family. It really is a such a waste of money and time!

WildfirePonie · 27/12/2020 20:23

Gift it back to her next year Grin

Onelovelyone · 27/12/2020 20:34

Could you not say to her that it’s a wonderful gift but that it doesn’t fit and, because you can’t meet you will send it back so she can exchange for the correct size? I had a similar (non-relative one though) issue where I bough a friend a gift for their birthday and they have re-gifted it to me for Christmas! She didn’t actually mean anything by it, I’m sure, but it’s weird nonetheless! Hope you can resolve it easily.

IWantT0BreakFree · 27/12/2020 20:37

It’s very obvious that she doesn’t have a receipt. Why are dozens of people suggesting that OP asks SIL for one? So that she’ll be forced to “admit” to buying a second hand gift (shock horror) and OP can do a waggy finger at her? What’s the the point?
I frequently buy second hand clothing (good quality brands and materials) for myself for environmental reasons. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a carefully selected second hand item, therefore I don’t really see the issue with giving one as a gift.
You say she’s always bought nice gifts in the past. Therefore she presumably genuinely believes you would like this too. So just chalk this one down as a gift that missed the mark and be gracious. It’s very rude and unkind to try and shame someone who has bought you a gift by intentionally embarrassing them, which is all you can possibly hope to achieve by requesting proof of purchase.

mimosaadorna · 27/12/2020 20:55

I’d go with the “it’s to small, can you exchange line”. Bloody odd thing to give you though....

At least it was something though. My MIL sent my husband ( her only child), myself and our 10 yr old.......nothing. We got her some Gin ( expensive stuff, not cheap !!), and a huge box of hotel chocolat. She said “oh due to the pandemic I thought we’d not be exchanging gifts” ..........well I’m lost on that one.

SnackSizeRaisin · 27/12/2020 20:55

You can often exchange charity shop clothes if you have the receipt, especially currently as nothing can be tried on due to covid.

I am perfectly happy with a second hand present but it's not on to pretend it's new if it isn't. Also second hand presents aren't acceptable to everyone, especially more personal things like clothes that need to fit.

I see no issue with saying you really like it but it doesn't fit, and that leaves the ball in their court to exchange, provide receipt, or maybe give a different gift instead.

EatsCheeseAndLeaves · 27/12/2020 20:59

My sister-out-law always used to give me secondhand gifts. My favourite was one of those freebies you get from a department store when you buy three full sized products. They’d all been opened and a little bit used from each. She was a bitch then and by all accounts she does similar to my ex’s second wife too. Shame that.

itslikethathun · 27/12/2020 21:09

Are you sure it's worn? Did it not have any tags on? As it is the wrong size you can always message her, no need for it to be awkward. It does happen I'm sure she won't mind exchanging it if she did buy it new.

winniestone37 · 27/12/2020 21:33

I’ve given second hand clothes before, especially if it’s cashmere or vintage designer etc. I always tell the recipient. If she likes you and you get on why would you assume she has done it in a negative way? Perhaps she had a lot going on and struggled to get gifts 🤷‍♀️

winniestone37 · 27/12/2020 21:34

@IWantT0BreakFree I completely agree, what’s the big deal. No wonder clothes production is helping ruin the planet going my mumsnet responses here.

Enidblyton1 · 27/12/2020 21:36

My SiL always gives lovely, thoughtful presents. If she gave me a second hand jumper which was too small, I would just tell her it was unfortunately much too small and ask if there is any way she could get hold of a bigger size. Second hand really isn’t the issue. Size is the issue. Just have a chat with her - make it clear that you absolutely love the jumper and just wish it were a little bigger.

Out of interest, do you like wearing your jumpers very loose? I’m mostly a size 10 in clothes, but would wear anything between 8-14 in jumper size. They are usually pretty forgiving. It seems odd to me that your SiL could have got the sizing so badly wrong!

Enidblyton1 · 27/12/2020 21:42

We have a brilliant shop in town which sells bare worn designer clothes at low prices. Eg. Beautiful cashmere jumpers originally on sale for £150-200 reduced to £50 etc etc
They come wrapped in tissue paper and with a receipt, but they are still second hand. I wouldn’t think twice about giving one as a present, but a lot of the comments on here suggest many people would hate to receive something like this? Would people really prefer some mass produced, new, nylon affair from Zara?? RIP planet...

Enidblyton1 · 27/12/2020 21:42

Barely worn, not bare Hmm

Tigernoodles81 · 27/12/2020 21:55

Lol! Same situation here! Kids and husband got lovely thoughtful exciting gifts. I got a scented candle, rhubarb gin and chocolates with nuts in from SIL. All which it is very well known I don’t like. Ah well, I now just shrug at her behaviour and know that I’ve got things to send to school next Christmas (although that candle might go in the bin, it’s giving me headaches with how strong it is!)

Mumoflil1 · 27/12/2020 21:59

Who said Christmas pressies had to be brand new? Don't forget, some people with good jobs are in debt to their eyeballs. Maybe money is tight and they aren't telling you? I'd leave it personally. She gave your children lovely gifts, I'd leave it at that. But then for me, whilst I love giving gifts, I hate receiving them (just hate clutter) so maybe that's why I wouldn't be so bothered.

MispyM · 27/12/2020 22:03

It's reasonable to find it a bit strange and to wonder how it came about, but what would you hope to achieve by going through some weird pantomime about receipts? Teach her a lesson? At the cost of ruining what you thought was a decent relationship? Is it really so important?

Yes. 100% agree with this.

Arthersleep · 27/12/2020 22:36

Perhaps it was returned to the shop, having been tried on/worn and then sold? Some stores sell on their returns/seconds in store as sold as seen. I think that Jigsaw does.

BameChange123 · 27/12/2020 22:45

Regift back to her next xmas?

eastegg · 27/12/2020 23:22

@IWantT0BreakFree

It’s very obvious that she doesn’t have a receipt. Why are dozens of people suggesting that OP asks SIL for one? So that she’ll be forced to “admit” to buying a second hand gift (shock horror) and OP can do a waggy finger at her? What’s the the point? I frequently buy second hand clothing (good quality brands and materials) for myself for environmental reasons. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a carefully selected second hand item, therefore I don’t really see the issue with giving one as a gift. You say she’s always bought nice gifts in the past. Therefore she presumably genuinely believes you would like this too. So just chalk this one down as a gift that missed the mark and be gracious. It’s very rude and unkind to try and shame someone who has bought you a gift by intentionally embarrassing them, which is all you can possibly hope to achieve by requesting proof of purchase.
I came on to say exactly the same! So many people on here just want to make the SIL squirm it seems. Or would they really in RL? Surely you'd just feel a bit embarrassed on her behalf and chalk it up.
Twiddlet · 27/12/2020 23:27

How did she expect to give you a jumper with no tags or labels on it that’s also been washed and expect it to pass as new? I’d tell her you’d tried to exchange it for the correct size but as there are no labels intact the store won’t let you.

FluffyPaws · 27/12/2020 23:45

Sister in law forgets I am alive.brother.I.e. My D.H. Gets lavished with gifts and cash..from his family. And I get cheap candle from the Aldi/Lidl group of shops. .every year I send over beautiful gifts well thought out and .also lavish designer gifts for big birthdays .me.I dontt even get a card. I get o forgot it was your birthday but they usually just don’t say anything...am I sad yes/no. Even after all these years was taught it’s always nicer to give than recieve. But it still hurts between you and me.

LoisLane66 · 27/12/2020 23:49

I know exactly what you mean and how it feels.

billy1966 · 27/12/2020 23:57

Grim OP.

Better not to bother with any gift that to pass on a grubby worn item.

Honestly have never heard the like.

Pretty basic to include tags and receipts with a clothes item.
Not that I would dream of giving a clothing item like that.

Covid madness clearly.
Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread