Childless Aunty

[superfly25]

I'm a childless Aunty not by choice. Just never happened for me. After shelling out on gifts for nieces and nephews am gutted to not have a single present from my siblings. Even my Grandparents only now buy for the Great Grandchildren. AIBU to expect even a small gift or card?

YANBU that’s poor manners and selfish. I vote an editing of the buying list for next year. Is this always the case?

That’s shocking. Stop bothering.

It was the same for me until I had ds quite late on. People can be selfish and thoughtless,

I am the same. No children but always buying presents for my nieces and nephews. One of my siblings always buys me decent presents the other one does not. But I learned a long time ago that when you give , you should not expect anything in return.
I appreciate it still does not make it easier but that's life.

That's rubbish - I'm so sorry. I'm the only one of my siblings to have children and wouldn't dream of overlooking them at Christmas. DP and I suggested when we had the children that people with children shouldn't expect gifts, as it seemed imbalanced that they would spend money on our kids as well as us. They usually do get us gifts too but we don't expect it and always make sure we send them and their partners something lovely.

No, that's miserable of them. I'm sorry
I would buy yourself something fabulous and much nicer than they would have given you anyway

Surely, if you don't buy for your siblings then they don't buy for you. Buying gifts for kids is different. You buy gifts for children because they are kids and it is a nice thing to do. If you don't do adult presents then the fact that you don't have children is kind of not relevant.

YANBU at all. Mean of them.

(You don't mention your parents, so ...)

On the one hand I think perhaps a very calm, measured conversation with all your adult relatives in the new year might clarify everyone's position. So if they declare that they have no intention of ever offering you any presents at least they'll know you're really not happy about it.

On the other - I hope you have alternative things or people to focus your holiday event attention on. Because sadly (even if they love you) the people you mention are just never going to put you first.

YANBU
I still buy for my sister and her husband and we have 3DC and they have 1 so they spend more by default.
I also buy for BIL who is childless but not for other BIL and SIL who also have DC as that’s equal.

Reallt shitty of your siblings

I feel so sad for you. That is quite disrespectful if I'm honest.
I'd say, next year, something along the lines of " I won't be buying presents next Christmas and will be making a donation to my favourite charity" then make a donation and treat yourself.

Also no kids, my siblings always buy for me even though I tell them not to. Wine, chocolates, something of that ilk. I appreciate the thoughtfulness.

Ha! I'm a childless auntie, again not by choice, and have just been invited to a present opening for my 7mo DN (alas my presents didn't make it up there in time, so watching her open everyone else's presents).
Interesting, when talking presents, I'm still waiting on my 40th birthday present... of 6 months ago. Of course for my DS's 40th, we all went on a suprise holiday for her, so flights etc, still bought her a thoughtful, lovely gift. My DS promised a gift at the time that never turned up, didn't bother with a text, but yes, I'll totes show up for DN's present opening. Might ask where mine is at the same time.

I am a childless Aunty too, not by choice. I have always bought for nieces and nephews but have never had anything in return, other than from my other childless sibling. It doesn’t really bother me though.

Thats terrible we still bought for my sis and my niece when she first had a child and vice versa. However, when I had DS sis decided we just buy for kids and for us not buy each other anything. However, DH has a sister and I have a brother who don’t have children and we still buy for them but they just buy for the kids. Both our parents still but a token gift for us but spend more on grandchildren.
Thats bad form your family not buying for you.

YANBU. If gifts are not being bought it should always be by agreement. My side of the family have done only charity gifts for adults for years which I love.

On DH's side we and PIL agreed no presents this year but SIL wanted to so we and her have bought each other something and PIL and SIL are doing presents between each other. SIL is also a not by choice childless aunty but that shouldn't make any difference, if people want to stop doing presents it has to be discussed and agreed.

The trouble with that, 1Morewine is that the OP might actually enjoy giving presents to her nieces and nephews. It would be a shame to have to give that up. It's just that the enjoyment is soured when there's no corresponding care for her.

At least try a conversation involving the words "I deserve better" first.

3/4 of my aunts are childless and I always make the effort for xmas(am less good with remembering birthdays).
Sorry your family don't bother.

I buy for both sisters - one has a child one does not. I enjoy buying gifts and really try and give something I know they will love. As a single parent I know I'm not getting anything unless it's from my siblings (my kids have good intentions but not always followed through yet)!

I'm in the same situation as you OP. It's one reason why I gave up celebrating Christmas almost entirely. I found I was spending four times as much on other people as they were on me, and these were people with plenty of money too.

I do hear you but when a family just buys for the children then that’s what happens. Try to be involved with the children and their lives and that’s a priceless gift.

I’m blessed with 17 nieces and nephews and certainly never have gifts from them but have a great relationship with every single one. Mostly young adults now.

That’s the real gift.

Happy Christmas.

That’s awful! I buy a present for any family member from us and an extra one from the kids as I realise the amount you fork out as a single person a family is way more. I would be upset if I was you it’s rude and very self centred from them

I’m sorry your family are so thoughtless.

I’d rein back on gifts for everyone next year to be honest.

I know you don’t give to receive etc but it’s so hurtful to think they’ve not thought about getting you something small you’d like.

My SIL also no DC as that’s how life’s worked out for her. I wouldn’t dream of leaving her out of gift giving my DC love getting her gifts. This year my older DC also made up a stocking for SIL as we’re not seeing MIL & she usually does stockings for everyone, but this year SIL is doing them and my DC asked to do one for her as they felt she should not miss out.

Gift giving is important imo, it makes the recipient feel thought of and loved and appreciated. And people can say it’s not the receiving etc. But it is important to feel loved and thought of.

My DB is child free and single - I spend a decent amount on him as he buys for me, DH and DD. It would seem really mean not to get him a gift and say DC presents only.

Unless you have childless Aunty and Uncle in their 50s who have thrown a strop because they’ve had to cancel their Christmas plans so aren’t doing Christmas this year and too upset to talk to any of the family. This is after we parcelled up their presents and those from third sibling and send them. So they’ve got presents but 4 nieces and nephews across 2 siblings aren’t getting any

So so selfish. I have one brother who doesn't have children. He buys for all of the nieces and nephews and I always get a few presents for him, but my other siblings don't bother. I think it's so thoughtless. Sorry op, it's crap of them.