Childless Aunty

[superfly25]

I'm a childless Aunty not by choice. Just never happened for me. After shelling out on gifts for nieces and nephews am gutted to not have a single present from my siblings. Even my Grandparents only now buy for the Great Grandchildren. AIBU to expect even a small gift or card?

This is why I really dislike “presents only for children” arrangements. It doesn’t sit right with me that children are showered in presents and grown ups (especially single ones) are not given anything. I’m not a huge fan of “stuff” or mad consumerism but there’s a lot to be said for a nice token thing to eat or drink or a book you genuinely think they’ll like or something for somebody’s hobby.

My brother is single and childless, I always get him something!!

I was the the same until had DS. One year one got me a token gift which was lovely but was looked on with a bit of shock from the others (which I’m assuming was a bit of guilt). Also used to get niece / nephew own cards but never got aunty ones back. I did stop the cards but continue with the presents.

It’s really sad though as I think some of the joy in giving presents is choosing, thinking what they’d like etc and whilst I don’t give to receive - it does make you feel a bit shit and insignificant

YANBU at all.
Whatever the arrangement re Christmas Presents, I'd still expect a card.

In those circumstances though, I'd expect your siblings to get you a present from them, or from the dc. Truely thoughtless of them.

YANBU

A friend buys for the kids but not us. We buy for her from all of us. It's manners.

I never got a fecking thing from my niece and nephews. One time I actually begged my sister to get them to wrap a snickers bar for me. Nope. No, correction, I got some nonstick kitchen utensils one time that I still use.
And when I surprised everyone in my forties by having a child, my sister gets her something every year. My brother gets her nothing. Her cousins, their kids, who are grown up now, don't even bother to get her a card.

It's thoughtless. I have always bought extra gift to make up for the amount childless cousin buys for us all. When the children started earning they started to buy presents instead of me for everyone according to their earnings and the cousin was so delighted it was so lovely to see at Christmas and birthday. It had never occurred to me that other family members wouldn't do similar for the childless cousin.

It's the same with my siblings - I get presents for all of them, adults and kids, and I get ZERO back. I keep doing it because I feel it's the right thing to do but obviously they don't care so I'm probably being stupid. I did really think I might get something this year because they know I've had a tough time. But... nope! Not that I want expensive gifts, either. I'm easy to buy for.

Luckily I have a big pile of cards and presents from friends. It's just sad that family don't really care.

Another not-by-choice childless auntie here.

SIL has 2 dc - we agreed to just buy for kids but she always sends us something as she's grateful, and now the dc are getting older, they tend to pick (they sent us a lovely chocolate and biscuit hamper this year).

DSis has 3dc. She airily announced 2 years ago just to buy for the dc as she doesn't have much money. She hasn't bought me anything since.

I also realised last year that I buy for several friends dc and get nothing back.

I don't buy to receive but I think it's a bit shitty. It's not about the money - a chocolate Orange or something would be nice.
I love the dc I buy for and enjoy giving them gifts but I've stopped for friends dc and am trying not to care about not getting anything from Dsis.
I know my dm tries to address this by spoiling me when she can but I'm not sure
Dsis has any idea how I feel.

That’s horrible and terrible manners from your siblings.
Have you thought about raising it? Do you have a parent you could talk to and explain how sidelined you feel?

Next Christmas, buy all the kids small token gifts and spoil yourself rotten!!

YANBU. I have a BIL and DSIS who don't have children and although we mostly only buy for kids now, I always make sure they get a gift from us as they buy for our children so it's only fair. Plus they don't have partners either so wouldn't get anything really and that makes me sad.

I have 2 kids.

My brother has non. I still buy for him and his wife.

no course they should

im childless dont spend obsecene amounts on dneice and dnephew but i still gt a present from dsis

That’s terrible manners, my husband’s great aunt doesn’t have any children and she splashes the cash on our children (we’ve 3) so we always buy her a lot to make up for it..... it’s just what you do to show that they are appreciated!

Same here. Next year I'm just not bothering. DNs are teens, they live 200 miles away, sibling and I are not close so I barely know them. I've sent a card for the family and gifts for the children and all I ever get is a text Xmas day saying kids liked their gifts thanks. They never send even a Christmas card or a thank you card. I usually end up spending about 50 quid on gifts and postage which I could really use for something else. I really only do it for DM as she'd be upset otherwise, but I'm taking a stand next year, it basically feels like I'm chucking money away.

Perhaps they’d rather you didn’t buy them presents?

That's rubbish. My mum was always of the belief that you are never too old to get presents and I think that has rubbed off on me. My sister lives abroad and when it looked like the first parcel with her Christmas present wasn't going to arrive with her on time I sent something else. I can't fathom your sibling letting you spend money on their children and not even getting you a token.

That’s hideous.

I have just dropped presents round to both my childless auntie and auntie with children, both are absolutely fantastic. It’s not all about children.

Do you buy for your siblings or just their DC?

@Aprilx

I am a childless Aunty too, not by choice. I have always bought for nieces and nephews but have never had anything in return, other than from my other childless sibling. It doesn’t really bother me though.

Same here. It wouldn't bother me at all. Getting a box of smellies from my siblings is not really what Christmas is about. It's about being with family (gone out of the window this year!) and seeing the smiles on the children's faces.

@museumum

This is why I really dislike “presents only for children” arrangements. It doesn’t sit right with me that children are showered in presents and grown ups (especially single ones) are not given anything. I’m not a huge fan of “stuff” or mad consumerism but there’s a lot to be said for a nice token thing to eat or drink or a book you genuinely think they’ll like or something for somebody’s hobby.

Why though? As an adult I can get myself something. I appreciate the thought when my brothers get me gifts, but they're never going to be better than something I choose myself and that I really want.

I'm also childless.

I don't give to receive and am a bit of a sporadic gift giver myself after some of the children got a bit too accustomed to a generous gift from me. My friends both know I don't expect something back and why I swing wildly between giving their kids something cheap like a book or something expensive - huge lego sets or sporting equipment have been past gifts.

They don't give to me every year but do some years which is appreciated.

Childless aunty here. I dont mind giving to my DN and I don't expect presents from my brother and SiL. This year I'm spending Christmas on my own due to Covid. Usually I am at my parents and family would meet there on the 25th or 26th.

This year my brother has made it a point visiting my parents on Christmas eve before heading to his inlaws so our parents aren't on their own as I'm not there this year. It seems to have escaped him that in fact I am the one alone and not them.

I called him this morning but he was busy, so that's that. No callback, no bother.

I happened to be on the phone to my parents when they turned up. Turns out they had arranged to watch a short, personalised message from santa with DN. Cameras was all set up. I knew about the message but not the plan. Out of sight out of mind.

How old are you?