Childless Aunty

[superfly25]

I'm a childless Aunty not by choice. Just never happened for me. After shelling out on gifts for nieces and nephews am gutted to not have a single present from my siblings. Even my Grandparents only now buy for the Great Grandchildren. AIBU to expect even a small gift or card?

I'm a childless auntie, by choice, there are a few of us in the family.
We buy for the nieces and nephews, and the siblings with children help the children choose something for us, from the children, so we always get Christmas and birthday presents from them and for them. Not expected at all, (gifts from the children I mean) but it is nice 🤗

I would knock the presents on the head. I had a friend with lots of children so it was alot of money. I have one DS so one relatively small present. The year he was given a tub of celebrations knocked that right on the head for me. You do not give to receive I get that but really not even a box of chocolates for you? That is mean minded

I had many years like this with lots of neices and nephews but no children of my own. Now they are all grown up and I get lots of presents every year.

Surely, if you don't buy for your siblings then they don't buy for you. Buying gifts for kids is different. You buy gifts for children because they are kids and it is a nice thing to do.
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Most people i know seem to have a tacit understanding that you don't have to buy for adults with kids if you buy their kids something, and if you don't have kids there are presents for the adults. *

I don't think you should buy for kids if their parents don't acknowledge you with a gift.*

Same here spent loads of time on thoughtful gifts to match each person and child got boxes of biscuits back which I dont eat due to well known dietary problems! Not doing it next year. Took a photo to remind me if I waiver next year.

My sister is a childless auntie.
She always gets my kids a sack full of things. And a token gift for me.
My kids always choose a gift for her. Each. And I get her a small gift too.
We don't buy many gifts... but immediate family always get something.

Going forward either stop buying them presents or just get token presents like chocolate stocking that doesn’t cost a lot. Spend the money you’ve saved on a treat for yourself

Id never do that to a family member.

Absolutely dreadful and thoughtless op!!
Save the money and treat yourself instead.
I'm a huge believer in never ever give to get! I really am but this is absolutely rotten behaviour.

I’m shocked by the number of people on this thread who will happily accept gifts for their children but give absolutely nothing in return.

It’s important for children to be part of the giving as well as receiving. It teaches them to be thoughtful and selfless. The children in my class were so excited to give me gifts they had specially picked out and couldn’t wait to see what I thought of them. Giving is good for positive emotional wellbeing too, it makes you feel happier.

Even if the children receiving are too young to pick something out themselves, I couldn’t let a friend or family member go without after buying for my child. We’d give from the child or all of us as a family. Some really selfish attitudes here.

Aw that sucks. I wouldn't expect gifts from a niece or nephew but your siblings really should buy for you, even if just a small thoughtful gift.

Nothing to add to what's already been said but YANBU at all. I actually hate this "Christmas is for the children" rhetoric. Christmas should be for everybody to enjoy.

Same here, we don’t really need gifts but it does bug me tbh. I think it’s basic manners to get a cheap token gift eg box of chocolates or bottle of wine. We grew up poor but my parents always did this.

Suggest an adults Christmas secret Santa? Bit shit to expect kids gifts and offer nothing back. I hate to say it but they probably think it's something you enjoy. Sometimes parents forget that just because they think their kids are the best, not everyone else does!

Its mean, if you were my sister I'd have bought you something

Always spend a lot more on my childless sibling as she buys for my children too

YaNBU. So sorry @superfly25 it's really rubbish.

And I know how it feels - one of my siblings said one year "Oh, we're only doing presents for the children." I said, "Well, I've got presents for everyone" Cue my sister doing some last minute shopping ...

This is why the adults in my family do a ss. Everyone gets q nice gift of about £30. The one child (mine) does get spoilt but I am always sure to tell people they really don't need to buy him anything, he has bloody loads. They still do and I show my appreciation throughout the year on birthdays and random bits I see that they would like. I can't afford to buy for everyone who buys for ds in one go every year but they understand that.

That’s crap.

Put in some requests for next year.

I gave gifts to nieces/nephews and didn’t get anything back, didn’t bother me as I’m buying for kids not their parents.

Interesting thread.
Childless Auntie here too.

Interesting how many MNetters go out of their way to consider childless Aunties & Uncles, very heartening to know this.

Alas not my experience, I have found some sibs-in-law to be antagonistic towards us as a childless A&U giving smart neat gifts, within budget, & having an occasional great day out. Some form of envy or disapproval? Maybe we’re too much fun? Nothing is said, just resigned sighs & ghosting.

Next time round, both OH & I have sworn to be reincarnated with far better families, we’ll have earned it.😉

As a child, I was sat down to write thank you Christmas & birthday letters. My father laid the matter out for me clearly - if you cannot bother to write a few lines of thank you, then why should they bother to give you a present when they know you are old enough to know what to do.

To my pleasure I had a very sweet text from my 15yo niece this morning thanking me for her Christmas present. That’ll do nicely.

We do a family Secret Santa for the adults. Might be worth bringing in next year, OP.

My family, we all buy for the adults and children. My partners family we just buy for the kids, however if any family member from either side was in your situation, I wouldn't hesitate to make sure they had presents to open.

My best friend comes from a huge family so rather than buy a boat load of presents they do a family secret santa and they all love it. Could you perhaps suggest a family secret santa for next year.

If the family agreement is to only buy presents for children, then it would seem strange for them to buy you a gift. It seems that the perceived unfairness stems from you spending money on their families and expecting that they should spend money on your family (albeit just you). But this then reduces the whole present buying to a financial transaction. What if someone had one child but their siblings each had three? Should the only child receive three times as much in order to balance things out? Or would that be unfair on the other children? Or should its mother also receive a gift? Surely you give gifts to children expecting nothing in return and buy for the enjoyment of treating your nephews and nieces? If the exercise becomes too expensive or the perceived unfairness too great, then perhaps you would just buy them smaller gifts? I would expect thank you cards though if I didn't see them in person.

If the family agreement is to only buy presents for children, then it would seem strange for them to buy you a gift.

My point was that in my sibling’s case, it was a declaration with no discussion. That’s not an “agreement.”

And as a single person that would mean nothing at all given to me at Christmas. Rationally, I’m well off, I can buy myself whatever I’d like. But there’s more to present giving than rationality!

Sister in law has no kids, she gets a gift, other sister in law has 2 kids so we don't buy for her.